Did you realise that we have an apology language? This is the way we express and like to receive things that are difficult to say, including the phrase “I’m Sorry”. People's preferred apology language can be different from person to person, both giving and receiving apologies, and can fluctuate depending on different circumstances. John discusses the nuances of apologies and offers some support on communication in these difficult circumstances, defining the five different apology languages that we employ.

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• The phrase  “I’m sorry” can be enough for some people to move on, but for others their apology language can have more complex or precise requirements.
• Expressing regret. This apology needs to be expressed with understanding of what you are apologising for and acknowledgement of the pain that has been caused.
• Accepting responsibility. This is when someone openly admits they were wrong in their actions. They name this action clearly to show that they are aware of this.
• Making restitution. This includes a way to try and make amends and search for a way to correct the wrong when perhaps something has been broken, damaged, lost or forgotten. It includes restitution to the offended person.
• Genuinely repenting. Here the person will need to review their actions, have genuine regret for them, and make a commitment to prove they are changing.
• Requesting forgiveness.  This allows time for the person to process their hurt before things can go back to normal. They cannot move on straight away, they need to feel they have the power and the time to decide if things move forward.
• Some studies have concluded that there are a specific six steps to an apology and it won't be effective at all if these are not completed;  Expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong, acknowledgement of responsibility, a declaration of independence, an offer of a repair, and a request of forgiveness.

 

BEST MOMENTS

‘Expressing remorse or regret, taking responsibility, making restitution and asking for forgiveness need to be delivered in a well meaning and sincere way.’

‘You may want to hear something like “I feel ashamed of how I hurt you.’

‘To them there is a significant difference between saying “you’re right” and “I’m wrong”. They have a completely different meaning.’

‘This could be your apology language if you need someone to show they are willing to correct an issue, put their money where their mouth is, for example.’

‘You may want to hear something like “I can only imagine how much pain that caused you. I’m very, very sorry and I won’t do that again. Next time I promise I’ll do it differently.”’

‘As mentioned we all have a preferred apology language but will likely require a bit from each in order to feel satisfied by the “sorry” that comes our way.’

 

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ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, The Relationship Guy - Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships.

Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

 

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