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Apple Card | Guest Poem
I sent a text message replying to my grandfather's question, "What is your frank opinion of the Apple card's utility vs cards like AMEX (air miles) or Costco VISA (membership at Costco and minor cash back)? Then the family asked our poet uncle, Tim, to make a poem. He did, using Dada, but I felt ChatGPT could do it better. Hence this post.
I have the Apple credit card—
not because it’s the best,
but because Amex shut the door,
and it gleams like a promise
I’ll never keep.
2% cashback?
Sure, if I Apple Pay my way through life,
a tiny boost fed straight into Goldman’s vault,
a 4.25% APY whisper,
luring me, to be perfectly honest,
to buy another Apple thing.
Oh, Apple –
take my soul in monthly slices,
interest-free, so I’ll forget
what I spent on that slick rectangle
and the earbuds I lost in my couch.
They say cashback here is instant—
no Wells Fargo power trip, no Regions ransom,
just a titanium slab
with no numbers,
a clean canvas of “Try and steal that, restaurant server.”
Online, I click without fear:
a changing code
like a protective spell,
morphing weekly, just enough to say,
"I’m not today’s hackable fool.”
One tap, and it’s on every Apple device
I own—Mac, phone, watch, iPad—
like a loyal, digital entourage,
ready to help me accidentally
buy a new lamp or another subscription.
And for the kids?
Yes, I can add them, too.
They’ll never swipe without me knowing,
purchasing requests pinging my phone
like a boss fight alert.
But let’s face it—
this is less about gains,
more about a gorgeous interface,
a feeling of ease, usability,
a soft lie of rewards
and a 5% kickback
at Walgreens and Panera.
Because real rewards?
Those are still under lock and key,
reserved for the VIPs,
the Amex darlings,
the true cashback hustlers
who trade favors with a nod
and leave me in my titanium sandbox,
thinking: well, at least it looks good.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.qntns.com
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.qntns.com
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By Poems, Writings, Essays, and Lessons by QNTNI sent a text message replying to my grandfather's question, "What is your frank opinion of the Apple card's utility vs cards like AMEX (air miles) or Costco VISA (membership at Costco and minor cash back)? Then the family asked our poet uncle, Tim, to make a poem. He did, using Dada, but I felt ChatGPT could do it better. Hence this post.
I have the Apple credit card—
not because it’s the best,
but because Amex shut the door,
and it gleams like a promise
I’ll never keep.
2% cashback?
Sure, if I Apple Pay my way through life,
a tiny boost fed straight into Goldman’s vault,
a 4.25% APY whisper,
luring me, to be perfectly honest,
to buy another Apple thing.
Oh, Apple –
take my soul in monthly slices,
interest-free, so I’ll forget
what I spent on that slick rectangle
and the earbuds I lost in my couch.
They say cashback here is instant—
no Wells Fargo power trip, no Regions ransom,
just a titanium slab
with no numbers,
a clean canvas of “Try and steal that, restaurant server.”
Online, I click without fear:
a changing code
like a protective spell,
morphing weekly, just enough to say,
"I’m not today’s hackable fool.”
One tap, and it’s on every Apple device
I own—Mac, phone, watch, iPad—
like a loyal, digital entourage,
ready to help me accidentally
buy a new lamp or another subscription.
And for the kids?
Yes, I can add them, too.
They’ll never swipe without me knowing,
purchasing requests pinging my phone
like a boss fight alert.
But let’s face it—
this is less about gains,
more about a gorgeous interface,
a feeling of ease, usability,
a soft lie of rewards
and a 5% kickback
at Walgreens and Panera.
Because real rewards?
Those are still under lock and key,
reserved for the VIPs,
the Amex darlings,
the true cashback hustlers
who trade favors with a nod
and leave me in my titanium sandbox,
thinking: well, at least it looks good.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.qntns.com
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.qntns.com