Bonnie is playing hooky today, leaving Mikey completely unsupervised and flying solo without his Wookiee! On this wild edition of Mikey and the Mrs, Mikey delivers the absolute most baffling headlines on the planet, panics over his upcoming scholarly debut, and breaks down the latest in mutated wildlife.

• The Ultimate Healthcare Survival Story: A Montana wound nurse gets impaled by his own trekking pole during a hike. Instead of calling for an expensive emergency helicopter evacuation, he and his friends spend seven hours walking down the mountain to save money. Mikey breaks down the brutal reality of modern medical bills and offers his own campaign promise: a wizard in every community.

• Florida Brings Back Leprosy: Hansen’s disease is making a modern comeback in the Sunshine State with 17 cases tracked back to... armadillos. Mikey has a few choice questions about what exactly these Florida residents are doing with the wildlife.

• Mikey’s Sunstone Symposium Terror: Mikey is heading to the University of Utah for what he describes as "Comic-Con for Mormon scholars." Sandwiched between deeply intellectual presentations on radical politics and feminist art, Mikey is terrified his pop-culture jokes are going to end in absolute silence.

• The Two-Headed Gecko Sensation: Move over, Jimothy the Seattle bread-loaf raccoon! There is a new deformed animal king in town: a two-headed gecko from Pennsylvania named Simon & Garfunkel. Mikey drops a few classic Boomer music references to celebrate.

• DoorDash Takes to the Skies: The FAA has officially cleared DoorDash for commercial drone food delivery this fall. We debate the tragic loss of human interaction and the inevitable rise of our automated fast-food overlords.

• Wisconsin Free Beer Controversy: A local brewery faces losing its alcohol permit after publicly promising free beer on the day Donald Trump dies. Mikey offers a quick lesson in corporate PR spin that could have saved them.

• Colonel Sanders Serving Beef & Queen's Dental History: From KFC's new "Kentucky Fried Steak" meal to Queen's Don't Stop Me Now hitting 1 billion YouTube views (featuring way too many high-definition close-ups of Freddie Mercury's teeth), we leave no stone unturned.

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