a's Podcast

i probably should go offline because i keep trying to write on here 

but i am being honest with you that about a decade ago i was like i would rather be dead than go through what i am about to go through and it seems like it keeps getting worse 

you know, i struggle with mental illness and stuff so it could be nothing more than my own conscience trying to tell me i went too far 

i remember a long time ago i told you all that sometimes images come to my head that seem meaningful but obviously i dont know for sure.  but just now when i was talking about the nazis and I used foul language, i saw a huge skull somewhat floating over my head kind of like implying a skull and death were summoned 

i dont know what it means but i dont want a mental image of a skull flying over my head 

i do not know what it means   but the problem is  others will try to say they know what it means  but you may not know 

i probably wont get a gravestone and i am not wishing for death but if i did have one, which i wont, i would want it to say that I did have a conscience at least .  i am not sure if i believe in regular burials i kind of think the green burials or cremation are fine.

i knew it a long time ago.  

i knew it a long time ago, but it would have been better for me to have died over a decade ago than to be tested like this 

i was offline for so many years for a reason.  twitter definitely is a tool for harm in my opinion if it can turn a nobody like me into someone with a global audience  sorry for the cursing and things like that. i do have a conscience fortunately. 

i actually feel like i am competing with melania for some reason. maybe she is trying to get me killed   

i agree with this but I also believe no one should be forced to engage someone romantically against their will.    i would say that is why america as it is will fail and people like myself with be disappeared.  the people who live here that try to force others into a relationship with them.  its an epidemic here.   so since no one can fix it, a eugenics movement to reduce those populations is underway.  

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