Forgiveness in Marriage 1. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. We may not feel like forgiving. We may want to harbor the anger and hurt and make him pay for what he has done. But, once you decide you want to grant forgiveness, you can begin to work through those feelings. 2. Share your hurt. After your husband has apologized and asked for forgiveness, you need to talk about the matter before you move on. It might be uncomfortable, but you need to share how you feel. Don’t point a finger; just share how you feel so he’ll understand the depth of your hurt. Make sure you feel heard before you move on. 3. Plan for change. The goal here is not to punish with requirements, but to set up guidelines that you both agree to. That way, there will be fewer gray areas that can lead to disappointment. 4. Stop the video. Do not replay your husband’s infraction over and over again in your mind. When your mind starts to wander and you begin to dwell on the incident and the hurt it caused you, tell yourself to stop. It’s one thing to need to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor about your pain so you can move past it, but it’s another when you keep inflicting the pain on yourself by dwelling on the hurt. Deciding to truly forgive your husband is re-committing to your relationship. Don’t sabotage that recommitment by focusing on the negative. 5. Give yourself time. forgiveness-in-marriage