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Assertive People Are the Most Helpful During Conflict
The word, “assertive” implies confidence and strength, standing up for yourself. Believe it or not, this is part of KINDNESS.
The podcast goes into this in more detail, but here are the basics.
Assertiveness is not the same as aggression though. Aggression is also based on confidence, but there is a difference. Assertiveness comes and plays a basketball game with others while aggression seeks to dominate and control the game. It is a difference of respect for self and others–aggression misses that aspect of kindness.
Respect and assertiveness go hand in hand. The Bible is full of examples of assertive people.
Esther showed how to be assertive
In Esther, Mordecai went to Esther to ask her to speak to the King about Naaman’s plot. To enter the courts to speak to the king without him inviting her could bring an end to her life unless he extended his scepter to her. And that is what happened. She asserted herself and took the risk, and it paid off well for her and the Jewish people.
Paul showed how to be assertive
Paul in prison in Acts 16 is another example that comes to mind as an example of being assertive. The Roman authorities beat Paul and Silas and imprisoned them for no reason except that they cast a demon out of a young woman. But God intervened and Paul baptized the jailer and his household as a result. And then the jailer had to put them back into prison because he did not have the authority to free them. The next day the magistrates sent word to let them go (because they knew that they had nothing to charge them with) and this was Paul’s response:
“But Paul said to them, ‘They have beaten us openly, uncondemned Romans, and have thrown us into prison. And now do they put us out secretly? No indeed! Let them come themselves and get us out.’ And the officers told these words to the magistrates, and they were afraid when they heard that they were Romans. Then they came and pleaded with them and brought them out, and asked them to depart from the city. So they went out of the prison and entered the house of Lydia; and when they had seen the brethren, they encouraged them and departed.”Acts 16:37-40
Paul was not aggressive but assertive. The authorities mistreated them and they insisted that the magistrates recognize this fact. They could have used this to gain from them, but Paul seems to have had a plan to help prevent such abuse in the future for Christians living there.
The Relationship to Kindness
How is this related to kindness? It goes back to one of the root concepts of kindness: gentleness. You cannot have kindness without gentleness.
This word does not mean WEAKNESS. It is a word of strength. It contains the idea that we know who we are and have the courage to live within the roles God has given us. It’s not about taking a beating. We can live confidently within our own roles as God has defined them. The scriptures are full of such people. God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity. He blessed us with purpose and a role for life. And we all need to live within that role, not going beyond it but fully leaning into it and filling it as best we can.
That is assertive living.
And that is the best way to live. It brings balance to kindness in that a kind person is certainly one who shows compassion, but also one who does so with the understanding that nothing and no o...
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By Jason SparksThe word, “assertive” implies confidence and strength, standing up for yourself. Believe it or not, this is part of KINDNESS.
The podcast goes into this in more detail, but here are the basics.
Assertiveness is not the same as aggression though. Aggression is also based on confidence, but there is a difference. Assertiveness comes and plays a basketball game with others while aggression seeks to dominate and control the game. It is a difference of respect for self and others–aggression misses that aspect of kindness.
Respect and assertiveness go hand in hand. The Bible is full of examples of assertive people.
Esther showed how to be assertive
In Esther, Mordecai went to Esther to ask her to speak to the King about Naaman’s plot. To enter the courts to speak to the king without him inviting her could bring an end to her life unless he extended his scepter to her. And that is what happened. She asserted herself and took the risk, and it paid off well for her and the Jewish people.
Paul showed how to be assertive
Paul in prison in Acts 16 is another example that comes to mind as an example of being assertive. The Roman authorities beat Paul and Silas and imprisoned them for no reason except that they cast a demon out of a young woman. But God intervened and Paul baptized the jailer and his household as a result. And then the jailer had to put them back into prison because he did not have the authority to free them. The next day the magistrates sent word to let them go (because they knew that they had nothing to charge them with) and this was Paul’s response:
“But Paul said to them, ‘They have beaten us openly, uncondemned Romans, and have thrown us into prison. And now do they put us out secretly? No indeed! Let them come themselves and get us out.’ And the officers told these words to the magistrates, and they were afraid when they heard that they were Romans. Then they came and pleaded with them and brought them out, and asked them to depart from the city. So they went out of the prison and entered the house of Lydia; and when they had seen the brethren, they encouraged them and departed.”Acts 16:37-40
Paul was not aggressive but assertive. The authorities mistreated them and they insisted that the magistrates recognize this fact. They could have used this to gain from them, but Paul seems to have had a plan to help prevent such abuse in the future for Christians living there.
The Relationship to Kindness
How is this related to kindness? It goes back to one of the root concepts of kindness: gentleness. You cannot have kindness without gentleness.
This word does not mean WEAKNESS. It is a word of strength. It contains the idea that we know who we are and have the courage to live within the roles God has given us. It’s not about taking a beating. We can live confidently within our own roles as God has defined them. The scriptures are full of such people. God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity. He blessed us with purpose and a role for life. And we all need to live within that role, not going beyond it but fully leaning into it and filling it as best we can.
That is assertive living.
And that is the best way to live. It brings balance to kindness in that a kind person is certainly one who shows compassion, but also one who does so with the understanding that nothing and no o...