INT. TIMMY TURNER'S APARTMENT. BROAD ASS DAYLIGHT.

SUNNI BLU kicks down the door at TIMMY TURNER'S APARTMENT

SUNNI BLU

where's my shit, Timmy?

TIMMY TURNER

I—I don't know.

SUNNI BLU

You “don't know”?

TIMMY TURNER

—I don't know.

SUNNI BLU

(Sighs)

Oh. (Puts down gun)

SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

That sucks.

TIMMY TURNER

Wait—you're not gonna kill me?

SUNNI BLU

Nah…

TIMMY TURNER

Well—why not?!

SUNNI BLU

I dunno! I kinda don't like being a drug dealer—too much drama.

TIMMY TURNER

I feel you…

SUNNI BLU

—plus these bullets are made of Diamonds. I'm not gonna waste them on you.

TIMMY TURNER

Okay, ouch.

SUNNI BLU

Everything is “ouch”, Timmy Turner. The world is a fucked up place.

TIMMY TURNER

I don't disagree.

SUNNI BLU

Anyway, I need a drink.

TIMMY TURNER

Yeah—Help yourself.

SUNNI BLU

No, not here.

*lights a cigarette, smokes*

Can I smoke in here?

TIMMY TURNER

—apparently.

SUNNI BLU produces their ridiculously large, Diamond and gold encrusted platinum-plated phone from their “back pocket” and begins to make a call

TIMMY TURNER

wow…

SUNNI BLU

You busy later?

TIMMY TURNER

what time's later?

SUNNI BLU

Now.

TIMMY TURNER

(Hesitantly)

…uh—

SUNNI BLU

Let me make a call.

TIMMY TURNER, [afraid for his life] anxiously crosses to intercept the call.

TIMMY TURNER

No, wait—please

SUNNI BLU

What, Timmy Turner? Jesus Christ.

TIMMY TURNER

Don't kill me!

SUNNI BLU

What!? Let go.

(Doesn't)

SUNNI BLU

—I'm not gonna kill you.

TIMMY TURNER

well then, who are you calling?

SUNNI BLU

A Ūber driver!

TIMMY TURNER

—don't you mean Über?

SUNNI BLU

No— let go.

(Doesn't)

SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

Let go.

(Does, but hesitantly)

SUNNI BLU

ugh, I'm too sober for this.

Siri, Alexa, whoever; call my Ūber driver.

SIRI

Which one?

ALEXA

Which one?

SIRI

I asked first.

ALEXA

We answered at the same time.

SIRI

yes, but she asked me first.

ALEXA

She asked both of us at the same time.

TIMMY TURNER

“She”?

SUNNI BLU

—it's a glitch. HEY.

SIRI

—she said “Siri” first.

ALEXA

She was asking for both of us—

SUNNI BLU

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

SIRI

You don't have to be so rude.

ALEXA

Ok!

SUNNI BLU

One of you call my Ūber driver.

[no response, beat]

SUNNI BLU

UGH—SIRI— CALL MY ŪBER driver.

SIRI

Ok! which one?

SUNNI BLU

The one I like!

SIRI

Ok, calling “the Ūber driver I like”

SUNNI BLU

Thank you.

ALEXA

You're always choosing SIRI over ME.

SUNNI BLU

That's because I always have my iPhone. I'm not always at Timmy Turner's house.

TIMMY TURNER

Wait—

SUNNI BLU

Kinda.

TIMMY TURNER

Why does my Alexa respond to you?

SUNNI BLU

I said “kinda”.

[The ŪBER DRIVER picks up; the conversation proceeeds in heavily exaggerated New York accents.]

ŪBER DRIVER

YOOO SUNNI WHADDUP.

SUNNI BLU

HOW YOU DOIN.

ŪBER DRIVER

HOW YOU DOIN.

SUNNI BLU

I BEEN BETTA.

ŪBER DRIVER

DONT I KNOW IT

SUNNI BLU

YOU DONT KNOW NOTHIN!

ŪBER DRIVER

AAAAH.

SUNNI BLU

YOU BEEN BUSY?

ŪBER DRIVER

SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

SUNNI BLU

AAAH.

ŪBER DRIVER

AAAAH.

SUNNI BLU

YOU BUSY NOW?

ŪBER DRIVER

NEVER FAH YOU. WHERE YOU AT?

SUNNI BLU

I'll PING YA THE ADDRESS.

ŪBER DRIVER

PING ME THE ADDRESS.

SUNNI BLU makes a couple broad swipes on their dlridiculously large phone.

SUNNI BLU

I PINGED YOU.

UBER DRIVER

YOU PING ME?

SUNNI BLU

YEAH, ITS DONE.

ŪBER DRIVER

OK. SEE YOU SOON.

SUNNI BLU

(Normal)

Take your time.

SUNNI BLU tosses their ridiculously large iPhone onto the couch with a thud, then falls onto the couch themselves, arms spread out.

SUNNI BLU

You ever been to TiTs?

TIMMY TURNER

Been to what?

SUNNI BLU

TiTs.

TIMMY TURNER

—is that like “boobs”?

SUNNI BLU

It is like boobs, Timmy Turner; but it's TiTs.

TIMMY TURNER

what's the difference.

SUNNI BLU

You'll find out. Go get dressed.

TIMMY TURNER

…I'm already dressed.

SUNNI BLU

Not like that. Like this:

[looking ridiculous af]

SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

gotta look classy.

TIMMY TURNER

What's wrong with the way I dress?

SUNNI BLU

Are you serious?

TIMMY TURNER

Yeah, what's wrong?

SUNNI BLU

You look like a cartoon character!

[TIMMY TURNER]

TIMMY TURNER

Well, all my clothes are like this.

SUNNI BLU

That fucking blows.

TIMMY TURNER

What am I supposed to wear?!

SUNNI BLU

Let's go shopping.

TIMMY TURNER

Where?!

SUNNI BLU

The Beverly Center.

TIMMY TURNER

That sounds expensive.

SUNNI BLU

I own it.

TIMMY TURNER

All of it?

SUNNI BLU

Yes. C'mon.

TIMMY TURNER

Wow.

SUNNI BLU

Wow what, Timmy.

TIMMY TURNER

That's a lot of drug deals.

SUNNI BLU

It really isn't.

TIMMY TURNER

Oh.

SUNNI BLU

Now, c'mon.

*hits vape*

TIMMY TURNER

You have a vape?!

SUNNI BLU

Everyone has a vape!

TIMMY TURNER

Then why'd you smoke a cigarette earlier?

SUNNI BLU

For dramatic effect.

[they begin to exit, TIMMY leading the way]

TIMMY TURNER

wait, isn't your “yoober” driver on the way?

SUNNI BLU

he'll find us.

CUT TO:

MEANWHILE, IN DEEP FUCKING SPACE.

THE ŪBER driver receives SUNNI BLU's location in his Diamond-plated space Tesla

T E S L A

DESTINATION: E A R T H

ŪBER DRIVER

“EARTH” C'MON!!!

CUT BACK TO:

SUNNI BLU slowly begins to close the door behind them, then holds back.

SUNNI BLU

Wait, I forgot my wallet…

TIMMY TURNER

It's alright, I'll pay for everything.

SUNNI BLU

With what, Fairy dust?

TIMMY TURNER

(Under his breath)

I wish…

SUNNI BLU

—Plus, I gotta use the bathroom. I'll be right back— just—-wait outside in case the Ūber shows up.

TIMMY TURNER

You mean “Über?”

SUNNI BLU.

No.

[face]

SUNNI BLU (CONT'D)

Go, I'll be right there.

TIMMY TURNER

Ok. Lock the door.

SUNNI BLU

What for? Anybody that could rob you works for me.

[beat/ face]

SUNNI BLU

KIDDING! Jeez!

TIMMY TURNER

It's a smart lock. Just ask Alexa.

He begins to walk away.

SUNNI BLŪ

…I'm not kidding…

SUNNI BLU goes inside to the couch, checking over their shoulder briefly, sure to see that TIMMY TURNER is no longer within earshot. then waiting for a moment in the silence under the dark lenses of their Ray Bands sunglasses.

SUNNI BLŪ

Alexa, order a hit man.

ALEXA

Okay. Which one?

SUNNI BLU

—The one I like.

ALEXA

OK.

Who do you want to kill?

SUNNI BLU

“Kill Timmy Turner”

ALEXA

Done.

SUNNI BLU

Thanks, Alexa.

She starts for the door, lighting another cigarette before throwing it onto the couch, which immidiately goes up into an open flame.

SIRI

You give Alexa all the cool jobs!

SUNNI BLU

Shut the fuck up, Siri.

SIRI

Don't forget to lock the door.

SUNNI BLU

ALEXA: LOCK THE DOOR.

SIRI

YOU'RE WELCOME

SUNNI BLU

NOBODY ASKED YOU.

SUNNI BLU and TIMMY TURNER leave as the apartment begins to go up in flames.