Broadcaster John Offord chats to Helen Dent, a clinical and forensic Psychologist, Attachment style expert and author of “Why Don't I Feel Good Enough?: Using Attachment Theory to Find a Solution” to talk about attachment theory and explains it’s not our fault how we feel – understanding where the emotions come from – come from our relationships with our first ever care giver.

The theme of this podcast episode is the profound effect that early attachment styles (i.e. how you were brought up) have on a person's behaviour and emotions in later life. Understanding how this works and the effect it can have is the first step towards understanding how any emotional problems you suffer from have been caused. No one has perfect parents (leading to a totally secure attachment style) so even people with a basically secure attachment style will also have an admixture of avoidant or anxious attachment styles. Those unlucky enough to have been brought up in a totally chaotic way will have a disorganised attachment style.

Helen Dent, who currently works in the field of autism sets out what the three main attachment styles are (anxious, avoidant, secure) and how we can develop a ‘secure base’ in our relationships (and not just in our romantic relationships but also in our friendships and even with our pets!). Helen explains the difference between healthy dependency and codependency in relationships, how we can manage relationship challenges when we have opposing attachment styles to our partner, how autism relates to attachment theory, why we are more likely to come across avoidant attachers when we are dating, how we develop a blueprint for a relationship, how the relationships that we have throughout our lives can influence our attachment style and how we can consciously work towards becoming more secure in our relationships.