In this Audio Note I’m going to introduce you to a tool that we use to help people view their narrative with a fresh perspective. Part of the challenge in this process is that you know your narrative too well. After all, you lived every minute of it. In that respect, any suggestion that you view it with a fresh perspective may sound like a waste of time.

But that’s not how it works.

Every disturbance on the surface of a river reflects an object below. The disturbances vary depending on the object. One may be a small ripple and another a class 5 rapid. Removing the object or changing its structure in any way will necessarily alter the disturbance. And if there aren’t any objects below the surface, there aren’t any disturbances on the surface of the river.

Your narrative, like objects below the surface of the water, create disturbances in your life that show up in the form of certain reactions, behaviors, and tendencies. I look at many of my own and see how they’re a function of things I’ve experienced in my narrative. So the analogy of the river has merit in that respect. That’s why if we want to better understand ourselves so that we can live with greater levels of intention, we need to understand the nature of the river bed below the surface.

But the analogy of the river eventually breaks down when I apply it to your Narrative because your events don’t guarantee a specific response. Unlike the objects below the surface of a river that always and forever creates a particular kind of disturbance, people responses to the events in their life can be as unique as the people themselves. For example, ten people that go through a traumatic event will all be effected as a result of the event, but they’ll each carry with them a different response throughout their life.

Think of the events in your Narrative as data. You know the data from your narrative. None of it comes as a surprise. It’s your response to the data—to the events—that may be less known or entirely unknown to you.

For example, I had a leader in a group recently share that he was physically abused by his father when he was a child. By the sounds of it, his dad was a capricious tyrant. He knew the data of his story. What concerned me was that he seemed to introduce it into our conversation as a way to shock others in the group. In other words, his response to the trauma he experienced seemed out of sync with the horror of the trauma he experienced. He knew the data from the event, but as I got to know him better, I grew more convinced that he’s never really processed his response to the trauma.

I don’t mean to diminish the specifics of your narrative. Whether your narrative includes traumatic rapids like this individual, or it includes large stretches of relatively smooth water, it’s helpful to begin with the specifics of your narrative. After I help you identify the significant events from your narrative, I’ll introduce a framework and process in future Audio Notes you can use to deepen your response to those events.

The exercise I’m going to introduce assumes that you have the strength and capacity to remain in a grounded state. You’ll likely experience some activation as you recall some of the events from your life. You may feel again the sadness of a loss or the joy you experienced during a momentous event. That’s good and healthy. But you need to pay attention to yourself and make sure you remain in a grounded state.

Given the nature of this exercised, here’s my disclaimer: if you’ve experienced significant trauma, especially if you’ve not processed it, please skip this and all of the future Audio Notes that relate to your Narrative. It does you know good to revisit traumatic events if you’re unable to process them. Doing so will likely activate and quickly move you into the demobilized zones on the Activation Triangle. I can’t emphasize this enough.

I recently shared a story with someone from when I nearly died from appendicitis as a teenager. I felt myself activate as I revisited the event and the details surrounding the event. But because I’ve done a lot of work around that event and other traumas I’ve experienced, and because using the Activation Triangle is an ongoing practice, I was able to remain grounded.

With that in mind, I want to introduce you to a tool called the Life Map that we use with leaders during a leader intensive. A leader intensive is a two-day experience in which we meet one-on-one with a leader and help them deepen their understanding of the Nature, their past Narrative, and their vision for their future Narrative. It’s an experience that forever transforms the leader, personally and professionally.

Download and print the Life Map, and follow the directions. It’s pretty straightforward. You’re going to put your age along the bottom of the map. Put a 0 on the far left to indicate your birth. Put your current age on the far right. Divide your age in half and put that number in the middle along the bottom of the map.

Next, plot the significant events from your life on a scale from plus ten for the most momentous events in your life and minus ten for the most tragic and/or traumatic. The download includes an example life map for reference.

Set aside some time in which you know you won’t experience any interruptions. Once you have all of the significant events plotted, connect the dots. The resulting image is a visual representation of your life. It will look a bit like a cross section from a river. You’ll be able to see the rapids and smooth areas, the highs and the lows.

The events won’t surprise you, but notice your response to the events while you complete the Life Map. Just remember to pace yourself and pay attention to where you’re at on the Activation Triangle. Set aside the Life Map if you need some time to reground and come back to it later.

In the next Audio Note I’m going to introduce you to your Rule Book. This Book has governed your life, your perspectives, and decisions from a very early age. Some of the rules have helped you, while others bring you misery. Once you know your Rule Book, you’ll have a better understanding of which rules to follow and which ones you need to break.

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