Laws 5 and 6: Numbness and Distraction

We’ve covered laws that shed light on your sense of worth and how you express your will. Now you’re going to consider your presence. The effective leader brings with them a presence that lets others know they’re accessible, present, and attentive, which is why the two Gravitational Laws that govern this aspect of Selfship are distraction and numbness.

Break up the word distraction into its two parts and we have “dis” and “traction.” The prefix “Dis” simply means “the opposite of”, “lacking”. Think of the word “Distraction” as “not having traction.” Distracted leaders lack traction because they live in a state in which they’re constantly overstimulating their senses. Rather than remaining focussed on the task at hand, they splinter their attention in a variety of directions.

I was recently in a meeting with a distracted leader and watched as he alternated between thumbing through his phone, pulling others into side conversations, and dominating the meeting. This kind of behavior has eroded his influence with his peers and limits his ability to grow within the company.

If distraction is the overstimulation of our senses, think of numbness as understimulation of our senses. A numbing agent in medicine includes anything that reduces or eliminates our sense of feeling. The dentist numbs your gum before working on your cavity. Though you hear the sounds of the drill, you (hopefully) can’t feel any sensation of pain.

The leader that lacks presence due to numbness shows up differently than the one that’s prone to distraction. They tend to have a muted affect. Unlike the distracted leader, it’s not that the numb leader’s focus is elsewhere or that it’s splintered. The numb leader seems to lack the energy that’s required to have any focus. The distracted leader is overly responsive, whereas the numb leader lacks responsiveness.

It’s tempting to think that binge watching your favorite show is an act that numbs you from something. It’s a distraction. The series pulled you away from your feelings, but it didn’t remove your ability to feel. As with the dentist’s shot, true numbing strategies prevent us from feeling pain. We lose access to other senses as well. The driver that’s under the influence of alcohol, for example, fails to navigate the road because her senses don’t detect and respond to important visual cues.

As with the other laws, humans cycle between the extremes. You may spend two hours on social media (distraction) while making your way through a bottle of wine (numbing). The former overstimulates your senses. The latter under stimulates them.

To whatever degree we succumb to these Gravitational Laws we’ll find our attention is either splintered, in the case of distraction, or muted, in the case of numbing. The net result is that the person succumbing to either extreme lacks the kind of presence that draws others.

In contrast, consider the person that’s able to harness their attention and exude a sense of presence. Such a person successfully avoids being swept aways by distractions or lulled into numbness. This person possesses the ability to preserve their focus and gain traction on projects, conversations, and relationships.

What’s your tendency and how do you see it play out in your personal and professional life? Are you a person that lives in a persistent state of distraction, or do you tend toward numbness?

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