HAT 2: Authenticity Insight and inspiration generally materialize when you’re not looking. If you’re lucky, they show up when you’re about to concede defeat to the universe and saunter into the valley of indifference. On the final day of 2019 a simple word crystalized my thoughts and gave the onrushing new year a purpose.If you have a handful of minutes and want to hear how cultural exile and my search for a lawnmower led me to this place… well, Here’s A Thing.I’ve drifted in idea purgatory for the better part of a year surviving day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour, by consuming random and sporadic bits of hope and light as they creased my consciousness like gustatory, spiritual manna sent to keep the dread wolf of banality away from the hatch. I have struggled with a sense of PNG; persona non grata, unaccepted and unwelcome anywhere. That can’t be. Can it? I know real people are out there. I’ve heard you in the wilderness, but I can’t find you. Maybe the little red light on this microphone can be a beacon.In the spring of 2019 (which in my nape of the weeds begins around mid-February) I set out upon a mission to acquire a new lawnmower.  I had my previous lawnmower for 10 years and never did more than put gas in it. 10 brutal seasons of abuse, and never once did it fail to fire up. If that company wants to sponsor the podcast I’d be happy to promote that product. Year 11 we bought a new house with a new yard, so why not splurge on a new mower!?!? And when I say “splurge” I mean purchase the cheapest new thing I could reasonably justify. I’m simply not the guy who puts resources into crap like that, which brings me back to lawnmower 2 remembering what a failure-free workhorse lawnmower 1 was. Lawnmower 2… 2 seasons, 2 trips to the repair shop which, naturally, cost more than the lawnmower itself. Now I’m getting irritated because, as I indicated previously, I don’t fancy spending money to do something I don’t want to do in the first place. I could have given the money I spent on the lawnmower and its subsequent repairs to a neighborhood kid and had my grass cut for two years.So, when lawnmower 2 failed to start last spring I said to myself, “SELF… you need a better option. You need something low-tech and low maintenance. Something that, if it failed, you could throw into the pond behind the house to create a reef for the catfish and start over.” What about a reel mower? I don’t mean real as in existential. I mean reel (R-E-E-L) like you see Beaver Cleaver using in 1957. No engine, no oil, no gas, no worries. And, accordingly, I began my search at the epicenter of everything; that A-word.com company from the internet of things. I can sit here, upon the very chair from whence I speak, and scrutinize limitless products related to my needs. Furthermore, I can read the wisdom and advice of those who have made similar procurements before me.What a treasure trove of… complete… bullshit. You see, I’m transitioning from landscape equipment to my original point. I seek the voice of the people for perceptive prescription, but instead I get a thousand vegan, celiac, hypochondriacs who juice their grass clippings giving one-star reviews because the delivery guy wore a red shirt that triggered their cats into emotional desolation. You’d think that would be enough palaver to mock, but NO. Accompanying this cartel of fatuous lunacy is that lovely group of people who water their astoundingly lush lawn in a drought whilst lifting their middle finger at nature herself. You see, these people who put their lawn debris in landfills are giving one-star reviews because after pushing a thing without an engine around the yard they discovered they had hamstrings and that each individual blade of grass didn’t laser-measure the same length. Godalmighty!So, instead of reading, “I-bought-this-thing-for-sixty-bucks-and-it-worked-just-fine.” we are treated to a cascade of verbal diarrhea from virtue-signaling turd weasels who couldn’t find their own ass with both hands and GPS. These people wouldn’t recognize a genuine thought if they were parachuted into a comic book convention. And that’s when I realized exactly what has been bothering me for so long.Everyone is completely full of shit. From the top down, bottom up, and inside out. (the more perspicacious of you may recognize what I did there)… ANYWAY, I had it; the reason for my melancholy and malaise. I can work my way around all kind of nonsense; ignorance, laziness, pure evil. Each of these are easily dealt with if they come from a place of candor. If the booger-eater tells you he’s dumb as a stump, but will never try to influence your life, you can deal with that head-on. Same with the Taliban guy who continually reminds you that his mission in life is remove your head from the rest of you. It’s RIGHT THERE.You know what’s worse than the Taliban? The suburban Gen-Xer in yoga pants with the green and white latte cup permanently attached to its hand walking past the Guatemalan landscape crew to stand next to her Hate Doesn’t Live Here yard sign and swap stories with her Millennial protege with the fake eyelashes and push-up sports bra about how much she hates insert-designated-soft-target-WASP-group-here. Of equal mendacity are the self-righteous God-Squaders who show up on Sundays in the name of Jesus and scroll through social media during the choir’s anthem. There are a million-and-one examples of this brand of culturally systemic moral chicanery, and most are not this easily lampooned or identifiable.So, where are we? How do we address this communal bilge? How do I frame my foundation into something coherent? And that’s where I drifted until a messenger sat in my kitchen on New Year’s Eve in the form of a friend seeking the same thing. Authenticity. There it is. There’s the word for which I’ve been searching to use as the nail with which to pound my theses onto the door of treachery. I don’t generally lack for words, but this one escaped me and I cannot tell you why. Maybe I needed that particular friend at that particular time to bring me the message I was unable to articulate for so long. I strongly believe that we are here for reasons beyond catering to the id. It may be nothing more than a word or a pat on the back so well timed it changed a life. I believe in that because I believe in the interconnectedness of humanity and I want you to figure out what your part is or die trying.If you feel like you can’t be anything else, be authentic. Our way of life has been steeped in dishonesty for so long it scares me how close we are to the edge of the cliff. Turn around, take a step back, and be authentic. That word means “real” and “genuine” and those concepts can be terrifying. But, I guarantee you that nothing in this world will be more liberating than authenticity. It could be a little ghastly at first. Kinda like removing all stop signs, traffic lights, and road control devices. You do that and there’s going to be a huge bloodbath. But, eventually the authentic drive for survival will overcome the state-imposed conditioning of control and traffic will flow with grace. Or it could be Bangalore at noon.That’s enough to ponder for now. This episode of the podcast is dedicated to Jennifer Friedman. The best people in your life show up when they’re meant to. Here’s A Thing can be found on the Podbean app, iTunes & Apple Podcasts, [email protected], and everywhere else in the podcast universe. Episodes will also be posted on Twitter and Facebook. Please subscribe, rate, and review. Your active support is critical. Become a patron and donate to the cause by following the show link.In the immortal words of the late, great James Brown, “Get up… a-get on up-ah.” Whatever you do, get after it 100% or don’t bother the rest of us. And, if you can’t be anything else today, be authentic. It’ll pay off.