A tech CEO walks into the Oval Office with a gold bar — and walks out with billions in tariff exemptions. Welcome to the new American monarchy. In this week’s scorched-earth dispatch from the edge of reason, the Bluebird crew dissects the theater of American authoritarianism — from gold bar bribes in the Oval Office to the latest MAGA real estate makeover: a White House ballroom so large it makes Versailles blush. They unpack the performative tariffs, prison-industrial branding ("Speedway Slammer," anyone?), and the anti-science crusade slashing research from mRNA to cancer. Meanwhile, ICE deputizes Superman, the VA crumbles, and TikTok sorority rush becomes MAGA’s weird new proof that “America’s back.” It’s fascism with sequins — and we’re not looking away.