074 Since the time of Socrates people have been opining and pearl clutching about the wayward state of the youth. For better or worse, Millennials and Gen Z have received a tremendous amount of attention and public scrutiny from professionals and social media influencers. With labels like ‘the anxious generation'  more young people find themselves defined through a mental health lens and aggressively treated for conditions that previously may have been considered adaptive challenges of adolescence.

Rather than focusing on a perceived fragility of young people or finger pointing at over protective parenting, the origins of the youth mental health crisis might be sourced in common issues we all struggle with in the digital age and the anxieties of professionals and policy makers.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Dr Nevin Harper, nature based clinical therapist and coauthor of Kids These Days: Understanding and supporting youth mental health. In this conversation we talk about the societal and cultural origins of our current thinking around the youth mental health and 3 common disruptors in modern life that negatively effect the developmental process. We also discuss how to shift focus from an interventionist approach to returning to the basics of mental health, including healthy attachments, connection to the natural world and encouraging risk tolerance to create the conditions for young people to thrive.

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074 As human beings our nervous system is evolutionarily wired for connection.  While our life  circumstances have changed radically, our neolithic brains are still playing catch up in the modern world.  When a rupture happens in a close relationship we feel it on a primal level.  Core fear gets stirred that harken back to early childhood experiences and even deeper survival instincts coded in our genes.  In a time when more than half of marriages end in divorce it is critical to understand a roadmap for self care and the science of a good break up.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Cole Zesiger a break up coach and author of Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear.  In this conversation we talk about the evolutionary biology driving our most extreme feelings and coping strategies during the end of a long term relationship.  We also discuss how attachment styles inform our approach to conflict and point us to a profound path of personal growth, insight and renewal.

073 Only recently have both women and men been able to liberate themselves from the yoke of patriarchal norms.  The transition to a more egalitarian, post modern society in the last 50 years also meant a rejection of historical narratives about manhood, including what some mythological traditions call the masculine spirit.  In the absence of this archetypal energy, many men languish and struggle with a deep insecurity about their place in a fast changing world.

While the media focuses on caricatures of alpha males and examples of ‘toxic masculinity’, the shadow side of men, especially well intentioned and conscious men, more often appears in the form of the ‘nice guy’.  Dr Robert Glover first coined the term ‘nice guy syndrome’ to describe a complex of self defeating traits, including passivity, excessive people pleasing, covert manipulation and weak personal boundaries. Paradoxically, nice guys rarely get what they truly want from relationships or life by being nice.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Jason Lange, men’s embodiment coach, group leader and podcaster, about men’s shadow work to recover the generative power of the masculine spirit.  In this conversation we discuss the origins of nice guy syndrome, it presentation in intimate relationships and creating transformative spaces for men to be seen and supported to rise to the challenge of modern masculinity.

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072 The age of connectivity was supposed to give everyone a voice and spread liberal values around the world, but instead public discourse in the digital town square has been reduced to 280 characters and cynical memes shared with strangers.  In contrast to the dumpster fire of social media is the rich tradition of a salon culture that thrived during the age of enlightenment.  From the ferment of these social gatherings flowed a new world of reason and possibility, including egalitarian systems of self governance and the inalienable rights that have come to define the West, but are now under threat.

Innate to the experience of salons is the pursuit of meaning, connection and beauty.  As more of life is lived online there are fewer spaces in the real world where diverse people and perspectives can engage in healthy and spirited exchange about things that truly matter.  In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Justine Kolata, a philosopher, salonnière and author of In Pursuit of the Beautiful Soul about reviving the art of conversation as an antidote to online toxicity and restoring hope in a brighter future through holding space for beauty and heartfelt dialogue.

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071 As we transition to fall and celebrate thanksgiving (In Canada) it seems like a natural time to focus on the hearth, the place of warmth, family and community. The constellation of people we share our world with, especially our chosen family, are always reflecting something back to us, some important feedback. In this short monologue Silas Rose explores the mirror like quality of our close relationships, known in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition as the Mandala Principle. Like a Buddha in the centre of a colourful sacred circle by bringing awareness to every conversation we can transform our habitual patterns and reactivity.  When we change, the image in the mirror also changes. In this way our circle of relationships expands and we can experience greater openness and joy. 

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070 The road to original and impactful work can be long and lonely. The digital age has enabled more freedom, creativity and opportunity, but also epidemic levels of disconnection and distraction. It is estimated that 20 percent of North Americas are involved in some early stage enterprise or work online.  Even more are opting for remote or hybrid work. When we are literally switching screens every 3 minutes new strategies and tools are needed to help us access our potential and do deep work.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Steve Puri, CEO of The Sukha, a productivity app and community of remote workers to discuss hacks for getting into flow, the creative process and building healthy relationships and teams online and off. Steven draws on insights from a long career as a producer and studio executive at DreamWorks and 20th Century Fox for being more productive and getting to the real work that feeds your soul.

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Credit: Music used in this episode intro by Grand_Project

069 The heart is not just a pump, it is also the tender center of our being we most often guard and long to liberate.  As young children we got to experience the wonders of life through an open heart, but also the pain of separation and in some cases, betrayal. The process of adulting in a materialistic culture necessitates constructing elaborate strategies and conceptual shells to navigate the chaos of life and keep us safe.  However, the more we identify with our thoughts and live life from head, the more disconnected we become from our true nature and sense of aliveness. The desire for wholeness demands an inner journey into the deep heart.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Dr John J Prendergast, non dual spiritual teacher, psychotherapist and author of The Deep Heart: Your Portal into Presence and Your Deepest Ground about the archetypal spiritual journey of restoring connection with the subtle and profound wisdom of the heart. In this conversation we also discuss the intersection of psychotherapy and a grounded approach to spirituality in working through trauma and internal blocks to loving more fully.

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Credit: Music used in this episode intro by Orangery

068  The spiritual journey is not all love and light. The more one commits to waking up, the more life is punctuated by times of intense loneliness and a longing to be liberated from the sense of separateness. The nature of love is expansive and free flowing. Only when we fixate and try to constrain it does it become transactional and begin to sour. Without warning the transcendent joy of a passionate love affair can turn to self doubt and neediness.

According to the Buddhist tantric tradition, love is a vast storehouse of energy that exists beyond the dualistic barrier of ego clinging or relationship status and is available to all who are brave enough to seek its truth. By becoming familiar with the open nature of love we can dance and communicate with others with greater delight and ease. In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Buddhist author, teacher and returning guest, Susan Gillis Chapman on the non dual, indestructible nature of love and cutting through ego’s obsessive strategy to possess it.

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Credit: Music used in this episode intro by Grand_Project 

067 Every rose has its thorn... so too, there is no intimacy without first facing the Shadow. In the background of our quest to be known and held deeply in relationship is a murky and sometimes dangerous territory. The Shadow contains a lifetime of unmet needs and raw emotion that can resurface abruptly in situations involving power, money and sex. It also holds a vast treasure trove of latent gifts and the potential of love waiting to be expressed if we are brave enough to look.

In a time when 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and1/3 of us live alone shadow work may be the secret to transforming old wounds and self defeating patterns and realizing our deepest desires in conscious intimacy and connection.  In this episode of Awake In Relationship we welcome back Dr Connie Zweig, retired Jungian and author of Romancing the Shadow to discuss the path of shadow work and waking up in our relationships. 

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066 After an extended hiatus Awake In Relationship is back on the AIR with season 3!  In this short episode Silas discusses the origins of the loneliness epidemic and the evolution of his mission in the brave new world of super intelligent machines to help people reclaim time and attention from devices to invest in conscious relationships and deep work in the real world. 

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