B-Minus Parents

I get it, we're technically late. Don't blame us, we're not getting paid—yet: ball's in your court, Denny's. We discuss the Large Dry Bird Holiday that passed, the Throwing Out So Much Paper Holiday to come, dating each other again, and the end of something wonderful (a TV show).

America: a masturbation country with a patriotic problem. This week, we present a trip report that desperately needs Febreze, a bunch of people that got horny at the worst possible time, and the life and death of the most congenitally stupid media company the world never knew.

You know what? No, you can't make me describe this episode. You need me to hold your hand through this? Waaaah, I need a description of the episode because I'm a big giant baby that can't handle the unknown! Well screw you, I'm not telling you that we talk about a racist local merchant, sports, and the diva to end all divas: Peppa Joanne Pig.

We regret to inform you that your parents remain horny. How does one talk to their kids about the specter of doing sex? We dig in, as well as discuss the possible death of an entertainment and pizza icon, the importance of vibes, and somehow improv a new segment that will continue next week.

Does this make you happy, you little piggies? At long last, does this satisfy you? Will this discussion of raising kids in a pro-cannabis household, the world's new girlfriend on the Great British Bake Off, and scary stories to tell in the dark finally quench your unslakable lust for content? Probably not, so we'll do another one next week. Love you, bye.

If the formless sesqicentenarian cosmic shrieking festival on TV didn't completely sap your energy, then do we have a podcast for you! All your favorites are there: the Contemptible Cheeto That Lives In The White House, the Forgetful Lummox That Used To Live In The White House With His Ethnic Friend, and at least nine versions of a death cult. Like, review, subscribe—or die!

Where have we been? The real question is: where haven't we been? And the answer, as it is for so many other people, is "crying while staring wistfully at the Yelp page for our favorite gastropub, pausing now and then to lob a can of tomato soup at a Department of Homeland Security stormtrooper." We found our microphones after our record-setting 74th move in the span of a year and talk pending elections, anti-capitalist rhetoric, Dua Lipa, and a lot of mispronounced German.

A triumphant return to talking to the person you're married to but putting a microphone in front of each other's faces and calling it a "podcast." A few housekeeping details, including changes in the B-Minus Family, both light and heavy (though we promise the heavy won't win). From there, it goes off the rails, as I'm pretty sure there was a natural gas leak in the studio.

In every Star Trek franchise, there is at least one episode where a mysterious plague threatens the entire ship. This is our version of such an episode. What part of this episode do you like the most? The various secretions from the adults' respiratory system that make it sounds like they're underwater? That the children speaking into the microphone don't understand how microphones work? Be sure to tell us on Instagram, Twitter, or yell it into a bucket and throw it out the window.

The teachers! United! Will never be defeated! The B-Minus Parents stand in solidarity with LAUSD's tireless educators in fighting for adequate pay, an end to charter school inanity, and at least four more albums from The Toasters. Beyond that, the Parents talk recent parenting they've seen in media—and it gets weird, fast.