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"JoJo is dealing with her lice and the girls are all like GROSS! Meanwhile they all had it!" As Christi notes, it just wouldn't be Dance Moms without some double dealing contradictions, and oh boy are there A LOT this week. There are so many salacious behind the scenes notes that Christi had to actually verify some things with crew people this week! At least last week Abby was AWOL, she's unfortunately returned with some leftover pain to spare as she continues to hone in on Nia as her new child punching bag.

After being sidelined during the auditions process last week, Holly arranged to have Nia meet with Aubrey O'Day to help build out a music career. But Jill squeals to Abby about this... for some reason, and Nia's punishment comes swiftly. Abby attempts to sabotage the meeting by calling O'Day and offering a payout if she ignores Nia and Holly, which Nia overhears and quickly begins to spiral. Holly is fed up with this treatment and confronts Abby, but none of the moms choose to back her confrontation leading to Holly calling them cowards. Abby is furious and storms out of the Pyramid filming session, leading to what might be the longest Pyramid recording in the show's history. Which is sort of special as this is the 100th Pyramid, though in the final edit you'd barely could tell because it's maybe the shortest Pyramid to date! The reason being Abby just straight up refuses to participate in filming, not only to avoid Holly but to stick it to Production who she fears is wrangling control from her now that she doesn't get her cushy Pittsburgh perks.

The Fraizers depart for two days to make good on their plans. Nia is consequently kicked off the group number, leaving JoJo to fill the void despite her charm offensive continuing to annoy Abby. Jess is determined to make JoJo permanent, though some worry has set in now that Abby is going to hold open auditions again soon. In fact all the girls' spots are supposedly up for grabs (ok not Maddie's, but she doesn't know that and it's stressing her out regardless!). JoJo has one chance to impress Abby, this time with her solo routine inspired by the movie Carrie. Only problem is JoJo is 11 and can't even watch Carrie! Abby doesn't care and starts berating Jess for not forcing R-Rated nightmares into her daughter's psyche to make her a better dancer.

To add insult to injury JoJo gets a bad case of lice... actually all the girls do, they brought it over from Pittsburgh! But does the show admit that? Of course not! They just lie and say it's a JoJo problem! Don't you just love making up things about kids to embarrass them on TV to cover for your poor upkeep and management?! What a strange thing to do.

It only gets stranger.

Quotes

• “There's a lot of stuff that we had to pretend was real. Yeah, like Nia went to the doctor and it was just a girl I hang out at the bar with. She's a bartender there. I did not know that!" (20:05-20:22 | Christi & Kelly)
• “How many times are we going to talk about Abby and P. Diddy together? It comes up like 900 times!" (28:59-29:05 | Christi)
• “Apparently Abby gives Mackenzie a very important life lesson at this point? Oh god what? I don't know that I want to know. Mackenzie, when men are trying to make you do something you don't want to do for money, that's called being a whore! Don't be a whore! What does that have to do with anything?!" (1:07:47-1:08:08 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I don't know if you could compare Dance Moms to war. I don't know, I kind of felt like I was at war!" (1:19:06-1:19:13 | Christi & Kelly)

Links

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Surprise! We’re dropping a bonus mini episode recapping the first episodes of The Traitors Season 4. This is extra content, not replacing our regular episode. Nothing is missing, nothing has changed—just a little bonus fun because we felt like it. Enjoy 😉

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"We have one of the wilder episodes of Dance Moms that I've seen in a minute. Thank god it wasn't with us!" That's practically underselling how weird it is that Abby is just inexplicably missing for most of the episode. I mean considering the excuse she gives for her absence in "Hello Hollywood, Goodbye Abby" doesn't really explain her absence at all and the girls only had three days to prepare for their first LA competition, it's got to be one of the weirdest episodes at the very least.

The episode kicks off proper with a conundrum for Abby: Without her LA studio ready to go the ALDC must rent out studio space to practice. But uh-oh, the only spot available is currently in use by the Rage Dance Company and Abby is to afraid to even be seen with them. So the ALDC goes it alone as abby hides out in her car for the first of many retreats. The RDC pulls out all the stops, which worries the moms as Abby has prepared a group number that feels very safe and very un-LA by comparison. But Abby has more important issues to attend to, like getting the girls auditions and then helping them fumble them by both causing a scene in the parking lot and insulting Nia at the audition itself! Holly is quite fed up, but not enough it seems as none of the other moms back her up. It's beginning to dawn on Holly that she is the new Christi and Abby's torturous ways are only going to get worse.

Meanwhile making no progress with the team is JoJo, who while not an official team member was still expected to come out to LA and just, what, stand there? Abby instructs Gia not to let Jojo perform in the group number, and then take sit a step further and bars her from auditioning. Jess steals Kalani's sides for the role to encourage Jojo to audition, but when word gets back to the other moms it devolves into a shouting match. If that wasn't enough it's clear Production keeps pushing JoJo to push Abby's buttons in order to make it on the team, which makes her an easy target for continued ridicule.

Will the ALDC be able to make a strong first impression in LA, or will Abby's tirades trip them at the starting line? Is water wet?

Quotes

• “Are you drinking anything? No, just Diet Coke. Why? I dunno, cause I'm not a drunk! Shut up! All evidence to the contrary Kelly Hyland!" (15:28-15:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I cannot believe how many shots we had of Abby eating various things in her car." (17:25-17:30 | Christi)
• “We're not in Pittsburgh anymore, welcome to Los Angeles. We're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy, get your ass out of the car!" (26:36-26:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Now off camera we're going to have what might be one of dumber fights that they didn't air. Actually it's so dumb I'm shocked they didn't air it." (56:01-56:10 | Christi)

Links

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Please enjoy this BTTB - Rewind Episode! Its the fifth Monday of the month and we typically don't post anything, but wanted to share something in your feed. It's one of our fav bonus epsides from Patreon!! All rights reserved.

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"JOJO! HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING!?!?!" might be an iconic TikTok sound now, but a decade ago it was just another Tuesday for Abby. Speaking of iconic tho, we have both our bitches under the same roof today! Our sound unfortunately got a little too noisy in the process and we're sorry about that, but hopefully a Producer's Notes heavy episode filled with never before seen fights and even some espionage will more than make up for it! It's the last stop before the ALDC arrives in LA, how much drama can we fit in there!?

This week's group dance is based off of the Disney movie Frozen, and it's never been clearer than ever that Dance Moms has become an institution because what competition would ever allow you to bring your own fake snow? That's what money and fame gets you! What it doesn't get you is any sense of ease as Jess and JoJo are finding out quickly as Abby quickly turns on them. It was one thing when JoJo was just getting sassy with Abby, but adjusting to the abnormal ALDC scheduling doesn't give JoJo enough time to learn her new dance and Abby seems prepped to force the newcomer out.

Jill and Holly's fears their daughters won't receive the same red carpet treatment as the Zieglers are all but confirmed when Abby announces Maddie has picked up a gig on the Disney Channel show Austin & Ally. Abby protests that the producers asked for Maddie specifically, but realistically they wouldn't have done that had Abby not spent the past few years elevating Maddies above all else.

But Abby has bigger things to worry about when it comes to Maddie after this week's competition bumps Maddie into the Teen Division, which moves up the group dance into the Teen category as well. Will the ALDC be able to compete and pull of a victory before the LA move against stiffer competition?

Quotes

• “This is literally Ed Gein teaches dance at the ALDC. There's gotta be 100 skulls on that necklace. Again, Ed Gein in the nipple belt = Abby Lee Miller in the skull necklace." (16:41-16:51 | Christi & Kelly)
• “That's kind of shady and I'm kind of here for it" (17:40-17:43 | Christi)
• “Now Melissa is calling out a kid? This is such chaos. They need us to be the moral compass in this room Kelly!" (40:49-31:31 | Christi)
• “Girl, that's a felony and a contradiction." (1:18:07-1:18:10 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"On this podcast, historically, I don't know if I've ever agreed with Abby Lee Miller and been Team Abby in an argument. For these next four sentences I'm 100% on Abby's side, with my pom poms, and I'm cheering ABBY ABBY!" says Christi, in what may be the first sign that hell truly has frozen over.

As "Bye Bye Pittsburgh" gets underway, stress levels are high as there's only one week left until the ALDC moves to Los Angeles. The OG moms continue to believe that Abby doesn't have every girl's best interest at heart unless their name is Maddie. It's clear from the editing that Holly doesn't know it yet, but she's being set-up to take Christi's place as the heel in Abby's plans and it's already feeding into Nia's treatment overall.

Meanwhile the newest moms are battling it out to see who will get to stick around. Jess and Jojo are only scheduled to stay two weeks, indicating that at least at this moment it's likely they hadn't been locked in yet to become regulars. Jess goes on the offensive, theatrically making scenes attacking the other moms in the hopes it makes for good TV. Her only problem is JoJo isn't quite fitting into the team dynamic just yet, running behind during the group dance and annoying Abby with her quips. Consequently JoJo is booted from the group routine, but will Jess let that stop her from stirring the pot further?

Quotes

• “I have a big slap. Do you though? I thought your slap was pretty minimal with a big impact. Oh be nice!" (12:58-13:05 | Christi)
• “By the way [Abby] did not like us. I think everybody knows that." (23:44-253:49 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Who wears neon? Besides Jill Vertes at Teen Choice." (31:27-31:31 | Christi)
• “Jess accuses Kira of making fun of Jojo's voice at Pyramid and she denies it. How?! It's on camera!" (44:01-44:08 | Christi)

Links

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"Kira explains to Jess that she is a guest and Abby has no obligation to tell her anything. Again Kira, the balls! They're THIS big! They're ginormous." On the second half of "JoJo with a BowBow", things between Kira and Jess are already heating up and the OG moms aren't taking either of their presence all that well either. What's funny is that those OG moms don't yet know they're going to be stuck with them. Gonna be a fun few seasons!

The group dance number, Something to Believe In, continues to be an adventure in questionable taste with JoJo dressed up as a Muslim, Kalani Hindu, etc... The moms are a little apprehensive about the material but ultimately back Abby up, though the results don't give us personally "something to believe in". But while the moms have to contend with Abby's choices, Abby herself does not and opts to head to New York instead of joining the team at competition. Of course she has to go for her court date, but since Abby kept putting off attending her actual dates it's anyones guess as to why she didn't just skip this one. Well not exactly, since Abby does manage to show up after missing most of the team's performances, much to the mom's annoyance.

But the only thing that might annoy them more than Abby is each other. Jess and Kira start fighting it out for what they see as an open spot on the team, though Abby has yet to promise them anything concrete. At the very least from being able to watch Dance Moms prior, Jess and Kira know not to pick their fights with Abby, and it may just take them farther than anyone yet realizes.

Quotes

• “The whole universe feels off. My phone won't work, my internet won't work, just like my brain doesn't work!" (03:07-03:12 | Christi)
• “I'm telling you Jill is saying bring back those two other bitches. See they didn't know what they were missing! At least we were funny." (25:48-25:55 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Do you think Abby got paid everytime she said the word Maddie? Wouldn't that be nice!" (28:57-29:01 | Christi & Kelly)
• “This is why it isn't shown. Thank you Lifetime, for once again saving them from themselves." (1:11:17-1:11:22 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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"Jess came in and saw all those moms not willing to fight, and decided I'm going to fight so I get a permanent spot." Well you can't argue with results! Yes it's a big week because not only are Christi and Kelly finally in the clear from being mentioned on the show (the one perk of Abby insisting no one get free promotion), but their replacement has arrived in the form of Jessalyn and Jojo Siwa. Yes if Christi didn't leave you wouldn't have Jojo, you're welcome! But since our lovely Bitches barely even know the Siwas personally, what will they make of them?

Maddie is out in LA performing with Sia this week, so Jojo is brought in to fill out the team, though only for the week as Maddie is irreplaceable. Jessalyn however immediately goes on the offensive against the other moms, positioning Jojo to be a permanent member. The other moms scoff, but Jessalyn quickly gets her way regardless, securing a solo for Jojo and having the choreography changed to fit her strengths.

Will the ALDC manage to sort out their differences before making the jump to LA in just a matter of weeks?

Quotes

• “I love this episode of Dance Moms because I didn't hear the word 'Christi' one time." (06:07-06:12 | Christi)
• “Abby says it shows diversity in religion. I gasped, clutched my pearls and buckled up because I can only imagine how wrong we're going to get this." (25:18-25:30 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Basically the Producers said that was a good schtick last season, let's do it again!" (26:16-26:21 | Christi)
• “Now to be clear this is Jill's lot in life. I've never met anyone who questions people more." (32:47-32:52 | Christi)

Links

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"Because this was the second week they were filming, I probably had 700 voicemails minimum from the network." If the Productions calls to Christi are any indication of how things are going on in the second half of "Abby Got Served", it's not good! As the ALDC heads to Detroit for Energy Dance, they're not only up against Jeanette and Ava who are looking for payback, they're struggling openly with Abby's continued disrespect of her own team.

At the competition Abby and Jeanette are almost immediately at each other's throats, first with Abby rebuffing JC Broadway Dance Academy's greeting and then with Jeanette unsuccessfully attempting to make peace with Abby before things get underway. Instead Abby breaks the cardinal rule of going backstage to keep an eye on Jeanette and eventually starts taunting Ava. This brings out Energy Dance head Gina who gets into it with Abby over her unprofessionalism.

Not to be outdone, Holly also gets into a major fight with Abby. Holly addresses the photoshoot issue from earlier in the week directly to Abby, and Abby begins to insinuate that Nia needs her more than she needs Nia. But a line was clearly crossed and Holly becomes more angry than we've ever seen on the show to date.

At the very least the girls put on an incredible showcase this week with their performance of Stomp the Yard. Somehow despite a truly weird gimmick and much hand wringing over how bad the jumpsuits were, it's arguably one of the best dances in ALDC history! And hey, not only do we get no more Christi and Kelly flack next episode, it's also Jojo's ALDC debut next week! Things might not be looking good at the ALDC, but they're looking better at the Barre!

Quotes

• “I did talk to one 3D person this week. Well that's good." (02:35-02:39 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Please don't take anything I say as medical advice. Please consult WebMD like a good person." (10:26-10:32 | Christi)
• “When people ask me if there was anything nice, yes. When Chloe was three she was Abby's screensaver for a while, and then Broadway Baby replaced her, which is fine!" (29:08-29:15 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I've never known that woman to take the high road in my life. She's like hold on, is there a road that goes under? Like a sub-road that's underneatht he road itself? I wanna go on that road!" (54:09-54:22 | Christi)

Links

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Thank you to Ashley Jana for allowing us to use Electricity!! Follow her on IG HERE: https://instagram.com/ashleyjanamusic?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Download Electricity HERE: https://music.apple.com/us/album/electricity/1497482509?i=1497482510

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