America is celebrating its 247th birthday today! And as with most Fourth of July celebrations, there are a ton of backyard fireworks going off. That's a great way to injure yourself, disturb others, and ruin the animal ecosystem.

Plus, Mel Gibson movies, Bowling for Soup lyrics, and getting dates while buying a mattress.

Joey also tells a story about throwing someone out of a bar and ejecting people from sporting events. Meanwhile, Sean learns who Jon Bon Jovi is.