Bad Soccer Dad

My conversation this week is with Belinda Bauman. She’s the Executive Director of One Million Thumbprints and the author of Brave Souls: Experiencing the Audacious Power of Empathy.

Reflection:

 

Belinda says, “embracing our weakness leads to greatness.” Where have you found this to be true in your own life? How might it be true for your child/athlete this season and this year?

 

She also says sports are a great place to practice empathy, to learn other people have perspective other than my own. Who can your child learn from this season?

 

Another quote from the episode is, “Where sports engage the concept of peacemaking, they become the most accessible on ramp to conflict transformation that we have.” Have you seen sports act as a vehicle for healing or reconciliation in a community? If so, how?

 

Belinda says, “Empathetic listening is when we turn the noise down in our own head enough to hear and feel what the person in front of us is saying. Turning our own noise down in our head lets us read the air around the person that’s talking to us.”

Who are you struggling to show empathy to these days? Is it your child? A coach? A teammate or teammates’ family?

Have you been quick to write someone off because you haven’t stopped to learn the whole story? What might you change to see them for who they truly are, not as the person you’ve decided they are?

For this episode I have a great conversation with Jake Zammit, the Director of Coaching for Legends FC in Brighton, MI. As a youth soccer player, Jake was a member of several Michigan State Championship Teams.

In high school, Jake was a 4-time Varsity player at the University of Detroit Jesuit; winning a State Championship in 2001 and receiving All State honors.

After High School, he accepted a full ride athletic scholarship to attend Quincy University in Illinois.

US Soccer honored Jake as the 2018 Girls National Competitive Coach of the Year. 

 

Questions to Consider:

What is your child’s goal for their current season?

What is their end goal for their youth sport? Is to play varsity in high school?

Is it to play in college?

 

Jake says, “Parents and athletes have to be honest with each other about what they want to get out of the game.”

Are you having honest conversations to make sure you’re on the same page?

 

If you haven’t already done so, sit down with your child to plot a course to get to the end game he or she really wants.

 

Jake says, “If you push your player too hard, you’ll eventually end up losing them.”

How are you tempted to push your young athlete in ways that might not ultimately be helpful?

 

What aspect of your character or spiritual development do you want to focus on this season? Jake suggests “patience” or “conflict management” as a place to begin.

 

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For this episode I had a great conversation with Trygve and Kristen Deede Johnson. Kristen is the professor of Theology and Formation at Western Theological Seminary. Trgyve is the Hinga-Boersma Dean of the Chapel at Hope College. They are parents of two children.

 

Questions to Consider:

Trygve talks of having to unlearn some of the lessons he learned in sports.

One of those lessons is: “Your identity is defined by your performance.”

In what area of your life are you tempted to equate your identity with your performance?

Is it work? Parenting? You own athletic endeavors? Your spiritual journey?

 

When he was playing baseball in college, Trygve started asking “What if I played, not to win, but for beautiful moments?” Have you seen your athlete create beautiful moments, even if the game or match ended in a loss?

 

Kristen asks, “What is the cost of youth sports for our family?” and “What is the cost for our community?” Is there a risk that a focus on “my” kids hinders my ability to think about “our” kids?

 

One question that emerged in this episode is: “Is it OK not to play?”

Another is: “Do we have permission to imagine alternative lives for our families?”

How did this strike you? How would you answer this? How would you kids answer it?

 

Kristen offers three practices for parents of young athletes to focus on for their own spiritual formation. Which of these might be one you can focus on in the next week?

Prayer – She mentions the prayer of examen. You can learn more about this here: upperroom.org/resources/the-examen

Sabbath – Schedule breaks for rest

Sleep – “It’s a tremendous act of trust.”

  

More from Kristen at kristenjohnson.org

 

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In this episode I speak with Brad Griffin. Brad is the Director of the Fuller Youth Institute, where he develops research-based training for youth workers and parents.

A speaker, blogger, and volunteer youth pastor, Brad is the coauthor of Growing Young, several Sticky Faith ​books, Right Click: Parenting Your Teenager in a Digital Media World, and the series Can I Ask That?: 8 Hard Questions about God and Faith.He and his family live in Southern California.

The only six words parents need to say to their kids about sports—or any performanceQuestions:Brad says, “One of the things I pray over my kids every night is: I pray that know they’re loved and that they’ll know they’re never alone.” Do you have a practice of praying with or for your kids? If not, could you use Brad’s simple prayer as a model?Brad suggests coming up a with a pre-game ritual for parents to help them keep competition in perspective. If you write two or three statements to tell yourself before heading to your young athlete’s game, what would they be?Brad talks about debriefing a sports season with your child when it’s over. Is this something you currently do? If not, what questions would you like to ask your athlete when the season ends? If you son or daughter says they’d rather not continue, how will you respond? Why?

For this episode I had a great conversation with Dani Gordon.

 

Dani played travel and high school soccer, youth and high school basketball, summer softball and was a competitive figure skater until she was 12.  

 

She played Division 1 college soccer at the University of Detroit, where she received a degree in mechanical engineering. 

 

Dani also coached travel soccer for over 20 years in Michigan before moving to Cincinnati. She has a 13 year old daughter who plays soccer and basketball and a 10 year old son who plays hockey and soccer.

 

Full disclosure here, Dani was my daughter’s first club soccer coach. If there’s anything I’ve learned to do right as a sports parent, I likely picked it up from her.

 

Dani says parent sometimes view their kid’s athletic success as a status symbol.

 

Here’s some questions I’d love for you think about this week: 

Is my pride the reason I need my kid to win?

What do I need to do to make sure my insecurities aren’t bleeding into my kid’s sporting experience? 

What steps to do I need to take to make sure I’m mindful of what’s best for their well-being?

 

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Michael is a New York Times bestselling author, co-founder of The New Day Foundation, a non-profit serving families fighting cancer, and former co-host of the radio show, Your Family Matters, on Salem Broadcasting in Detroit. He has also been a basketball coach for more than 30 years. He and his wife Gina have raised five children, all of whom were varsity athletes. He brings a unique perspective on youth sports and plus… he’s a native Chicagoan with a true appreciation for what actually constitutes a Deep Dish pizza.

 

One excellent question Michael asks is: “What’s your ‘why’? Why are you doing this?”

 

Have you paused to answer this question as a parent?

Have you stopped to ask your young athlete the same question?

Are you on the same page? Do you want the same things?

If the answer is “yes,” we can move forward together.

If not, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate what the next step is as a family.

 

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