Recorded: June 24, 2018  / Published: July 28, 2018
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt we are going to explore a very complex subject, BDSM in marriage.

Rules to Love by:
1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

Introduction:
-We have to slightly change up our show's format here because we don't have a definition.  BDSM and marriage separately are such complex topics that intertwining can look like a minefield full of twist and turns.

-What are some of the complexities?
Jealousy: No matter the dynamic of your marriage jealousy can and more than likely will arise at some point. If you our your partner is poly this may pop up more. It's important to discuss with your spouse if one or both of you become jealous.  Communication can help you find the source of this jealousy and then you can work together on alleviating the situation. Sources may surprise you.

-Feeling like you don't get enough attention.

-Stress

-Worry over creating emotional bonds.
Do not allow yourself, your spouse, or any third or fourth party person to become disrespectful.  
If you have a third person in the relationship and you see them snipping at your spouse or vice versa it's a sign of jealousy.  It's rude, can become abusive, and who wants to live with that kind of discord? Instead, discuss the incident and set the boundary of respect and communication.  

-Communication
This is the single most important thing in any relationship.  Communication cannot be undersold.
If you are already part of the lifestyle when you get married, simply put, your partner should already know.  However, if you are married and you start getting into the lifestyle it is far better to discuss your growing interest and needs.

-I know there are quite a few people out there who are hiding their BDSM lifestyle from their spouse.  And every single person I know who is doing is this is experiencing the same two things. First, they are sure it would end their marriage if their partner found out.  Second, they live with gut-wrenching fear and guilt over what they are doing.

-If one person in the relationship is in the lifestyle.

-Does the vanilla partner know?

-If your spouse does know but isn't interested in participating in the kink community or scenes, they can still be your support system.  I know several vanilla partners, not just spouses but boyfriends and girlfriends, who will just attend munches.

-It is also important to communicate and negotiate what is acceptable in your kink.  You may be dominant but if your spouse says cuddling with a submissive during aftercare crosses a boundary in your marriage, you might just have to find a stand-in for that activity.  
If both are.

-Scenes together

-Negotiate if this a 24/7 lifestyle, or merely in the bedroom.  

-Scenes apart

-Having clearly defined boundaries will be important.

-Having a family.

-Majorly complex already

-It can be healthy for your family to view your dynamic in vanilla settings.  Communication especially is prized in the BDSM lifestyle and can help teach youngsters how to approach everyday life and relationships.  

-Unexpected mines popping up.
When you get married you agree to stand beside someone as you both learn and grow.  But part of that is that things we don't expect pop up, some good, some bad. In BDSM these mines may require a spouses support, or be caused by that spouse.  How you handle the situation...