Recorded 1/28/2018 / Published 4/14/2018
Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 30 years of experience to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt we are going to discuss Protectors but first, I have to welcome my amazing co-host, Funsize.
Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
What are Protectors?
A usually dominant person who watches over another, their charge, to ensure their safety when interacting in the kink community. They act both online and off, at munches, or even occasionally during scenes to ensure that the charges limits and wishes are upheld.
Why is it important?
Protectors assist with navigating any dangers the charge has asked them to watch for and keeping away predators, abusers, and suspicious persons. They can also help with mediating negotiations and scenes before things turn harmful.
Duties
Taking on the title of Protector means you will have several duties in looking after your charge.
Negotiate a scene for your charge. Sometimes protectors have to step in, especially if their charge has frenzy to help enforce practical limits for a scene.
Give permission on specific play partners. They can act as a secondary advisor during the vetting process.
Act as a safety call for your charge, or attend those meetings in person.
Act as a transition dominant to a slave who has recently become unowned. This is more traditional for the Protector role in the leather community.
Watch over the submissive of another dominant at events.
When to seek out a Protector?
If you're new, if you're shy,going through frenzy, if you're having trouble with abusers or predators, or you just have a certain goal in mind but are having trouble weeding out everyone else, you might feel the need to seek out a Protector. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you can’t say no, or that you’re weak, helpless, or stupid as many have come to believe. It just means that you recognize that you sometimes need the support of others and have sought it out.
How to find one.
Ask a dominant friend, talk to other charges for recommendations, some Protectors will have more than one charge at a time.
When you find someone willing and trustworthy of being your Protector you will need to negotiate what you need your Protector to do. Just as you would negotiate any other relationship you need to define the terms of this relationship as well.
Approaching a Protector and their charge.
Approaching someone else's’ charge should not make you nervous, if you have good intentions. If anything you can take it as a safety net for both you and that charge.
Approaching in person when you know someone has a Protector means that you first ask the Protector if you may interact in a conversation, negotiation, etc with the submissive charge. Be respectful and honest about your intentions. If you don't know, be respectful, as you always should, and ask questions to determine just what that protection entails.
On Fetlife you will often see that someone is under the protection of someone else, or protecting another. When you encounter this and wish to spark up a conversation with the charge, simply respectful request permission for the contact with the Protector. Answer any questions they may have and be honest.
The bad reputation and sadly low opinion of Protectors and their charges.
Your Protector Is Hurting You- the essay. (