Be Kinder to Yourself (Why Self-Criticism Isn’t Helping You Win)

This week, Michelle takes a break from guest interviews to speak directly to something that stopped her in her tracks.

After sending out a listener survey, one result hit hard:

80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves.

Including Michelle.

In this solo episode, Michelle unpacks how self-criticism sneaks in, why it feels productive (but isn’t), and how being relentlessly hard on yourself can quietly hold you back — even when you’re achieving on paper.

This isn’t about fluffy self-care or letting yourself off the hook.

It’s about awareness, honesty, and learning how to move forward without constantly tearing yourself down.

Key Talking Points & Timestamps

00:00 – Why this needed to be said

Michelle explains why she felt compelled to pause guest episodes and talk openly about kindness — and what triggered this realisation.

01:08 – The survey result that changed everything

80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves — and why that statistic is both comforting and alarming.

02:41 – Catching the inner voice first thing in the morning

How negative self-talk was showing up before Michelle had even opened her eyes — and why that matters.

03:25 – The ‘holy socks’ analogy

Why we treat other people with more respect than we treat ourselves — and what that says about self-worth.

04:42 – When being “hard on yourself” backfires

Michelle reflects on imposter syndrome in construction and how self-criticism limited her confidence and progression.

06:22 – Building the podcast without trusting herself

Growing a podcast from scratch, hitting big milestones — and still being unable to acknowledge progress.

07:41 – When your worth gets tied to achievement

Why high-achieving women never feel like they’ve “arrived” — and the cost of chasing constant validation.

09:00 – Starting from ‘I am enough’ (without losing your drive)

Insights inspired by Joe Hudson on separating self-worth from outcomes.

09:35 – Fear, paralysis, and second-guessing

How being unkind to yourself fuels procrastination and decision fatigue.

10:45 – The 9-day awareness exercise

A simple but powerful way to notice, track, and challenge self-critical thoughts.

11:58 – Three ways to reframe unkind thoughts

• Acknowledge without agreeing

• Laugh at the ridiculous ones

• Reframe with evidence and context

13:43 – The real cost of self-criticism

Why it doesn’t make you better — just more disconnected, anxious, and distrustful of yourself.

14:58 – Chasing relief instead of alignment

Why achievement doesn’t bring peace if you’re running from fear instead of moving with intention.

16:18 – “My story isn’t good enough”

Why even the most impressive women downplay their journeys — and how common this mindset really is.

17:54 – Living in fight-or-flight without realising it

How self-kindness helped Michelle regulate her nervous system and feel more grounded week to week.

18:43 – A quiet invitation, not a challenge

Michelle encourages listeners to start with one thing: not being unkind to themselves.

19:22 – What’s next with Dare Club

How this work around kindness, alignment, and self-trust is shaping the future of Dare Club.

Key Takeaways

• Being hard on yourself isn’t discipline — it’s often fear in disguise
• Self-criticism doesn’t fuel progress; it creates paralysis
• High achievement without self-kindness leads to disconnection
• You can accept emotions without agreeing with them
• Awareness is the first step — not perfection
• Starting from “I am enough” doesn’t kill ambition, it steadies it

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