Bree wakes up at 2am courtesy of her feline alarm clocks, recaps cat vomit and cloudy weather, dives into weird radio nostalgia, and then fully petitions the universe to please—PLEASE—let 3i/Atlas be aliens. Plus: Johnny Cash vs. Coca-Cola, €90k worth of stolen snails, pickleball chaos, Elvis-wig judges, human washing machines, and Cardi B’s umbilical cord jewelry. A wildly cursed news roundup and a cry for extraterrestrial intervention.