Pop quiz listeners: A large man with a hat featuring a woman on her hands and knees prepared to receive your seed and shaded with confederate colors was forced to eat his own beard following an argument over the price of a riding lawnmower.  This man is from what state?

A) Mississippi

B) South Carolina

C) Kentucky

You probably thought we were going to put in a bunch of joke answers and then go "duh, he's from the south." NO! Come on.  We're above that.  But do listen as we bring good friend and resident southerner Patrick Baker to discuss all the beard etting you can stomach.  In more serious news, porpoises save Dick Van Dyke after he falls asleep on a surfboard, Eliana decides to look for help in a more reliable place than her old high school guidance office.  And what the hell is flunning and why is Noah good at it?