Ancient Sparta, 500 BCE. A city-state built entirely around warfare, discipline, and men who could crush your skull before breakfast. Tan asked for medieval Japan. The Game Master sent him to Sparta instead, because Ryan programmed it to be a prick. Welcome to Season 3 and "PastHard with a Vengeance" — Ryan's revenge for Hard Mode. Tan's entire frame of reference for Spartan culture is the movie 300 starring Gerard Butler.

The mission: become worshipped as a god. Tan claims to be "the cleverest and hardest man he knows," which Keon and Ryan find debatable. The Game Master offers four options to earn respect among the Spartans. Tan ignores three of them and walks over to the biggest warrior to teach him something he genuinely knows how to do in real life. Whether Spartan discipline can survive British social hacking remains to be seen, but Tan has brought vibes where the situation clearly demands weapons.

The Spartans were legendarily tough — boys entered military training at seven, warriors were expected to return "with their shield or on it," and their entire society was built around the idea that comfort was weakness. Tan's armed with confidence and a film that is, according to Keon, pretty much entirely bullshit historically. The Spartans are armed with spears.

If you were sent back in time, could you survive and thrive — or would you be burnt at the stake for being a witch? PastMaster is the show that turns history into an interactive adventure game. Each episode, a comedian is dropped into the past with nothing but modern knowledge and terrible ideas. The AI Game Master is strict. The chaos is inevitable. The past will be mastered.

Era: Ancient | 500 BCE | Sparta, Greece

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