Have you ever looked at yourself in a photo and cringed, or seen yourself in a video and thought – Yich – do I really look that bad? Other people don’t seem to have a problem with how you look, but somehow you always do. Today, we’re going to discover how you can be really happy with who you are.

 

Being Happy with Who I Am

As I look around at people, big, small, black, white, young, old … what I see is an awful lot of people who aren't happy with their lot in life. And as you talk to them, what it often comes down to is not that they're not happy with their lot and the things that are going on – although that's sometimes part of it – but something much deeper going on. Because more often than not, they're not happy with who they are.

In our last program, we chatted about the fact, that often, that's because we feel we don't measure up to what the world expects of us but today, I'd like to go even deeper than that again. Let me ask you, forgetting everything that goes on around you, when you're alone in a quiet room, completely alone, do you like who you are? Are you excited about who you are … your potential? Do you enjoy your own company? Or are you one of these people who can't stand to see themselves in a photograph or in a mirror?

Every now and then I think to myself, "it's time to get right in your face about something", and today’s one of those days. I mean, I don't mean to shove anything down your throat, that's never my intention but I don't know, I just feel that today it's time to really challenge you about how you see yourself. I'm someone who for many, many years, in fact the first 36 years of my life, appeared to be so confident on the outside. I have to tell you, everyone who ever met me thought to themselves, "this guy is so confident".

But on the inside, which after all is where we live and where we feel and where we laugh and where we cry, I wasn't happy with who I was. People would never have guessed it, because in my confidence I used to roll over the top of them. I'm not talking about the things that we do but who we actually are. As a woman by the name of Joyce Meyer says, "It's not our do that I'm talking about but our who." I didn't like my "who", I didn't like myself and you know the more I tried to pump myself up in my own eyes and in the eyes of others, somehow the lower I sank in my own estimation.

But the very day, the very instant that I gave my life to Jesus back in 1995, from that moment onward I knew I was okay. I've thought a lot about this and I thought why did it happen like that? It's one of those things that changed in an instant for me, why? This is such a deep thing. My own self image had been plaguing me for years and years. How could it change in an instant? So far as I can see, there's only one answer because on that day I felt accepted and I felt loved in a whole new way, at a whole different level.

Different people believe different things. Oh – whatever you believe – let me ask you this? Does your belief system, does your faith – whatever that is – make you feel loved and accepted? Does it bring healing to that deep, nagging suspicion that you’re not good enough? Does it bring you into a place where you are truly happy and content with who you are?

I never used to be able to look at myself in a photo without cringing. I recently had a photo shoot, something I have to do from time to time, to get some images to use on websites and in the back of my books, that sort of thing. And when the photos came back, I looked at them and I was really happy with what I saw. I’m never going to win a beauty competition, you understand – that’s because I’m just a pretty ordinary looking kind of man. But as I looked at those photos, I smiled, because I realised that I now like myself. I didn't become Mr Perfect overnight and all my faults and all my failures and all my weaknesses didn't disappear in an instant, it's not how it works. Sometimes I make mistakes – I don’t like that. So I get up and learn, and work on my weaknesses. But fundamentally, these days, I’m really happy with who I am … and indeed with who I’m not.

So change in me didn't happen overnight but the thing that did happen is that I knew that God had accepted me just as I was and that even though I could see all the things I'd done wrong, that I was completely forgiven. He came to me and said, "Now, that you have a new beginning let me help you to change."

That’s the thing, I thought if God sees me that way maybe it's time for me to see me that way and still today there are some things that I'm really good at and others that I'm just not and I may never be. Some of the things that come naturally to you, I'll never be able to do it’s unconditional love that brought me to a point with all my heart, I'm delighted to be who I am. I often say to my wife, Jacqui, "I'm so glad I'm me, I never want to be anyone else." That is a gift from God because I never liked me before.

Let me get in your face and ask you a question, is it time for you to ask yourself do I see myself the way God does? Do I love me in the right way, not proud and arrogant but in a humble delight in who he made me to be? Because how can you and I possibly ever be the me we were meant to be and live the life we were created to live, if we don't like who we are.

When we compare ourselves to other people and think – Wow, I wish I was like him, or I wish I was like her … we’re completely missing the point. Completely. I will never be a basketball player, because I’m too short. I will never be a surgeon, because I don’t have the skill in my hands. I will never be a pop star, because I can’t sing. But what I can be, is the best me that I can possibly be.

And you know something – that’s just fine with me. And the reason it’s fine with me is that I was handcrafted by God and the love that He’s shown me is the unconditional love of Jesus … Jesus His one and only Son, who died so that I might be forgiven.

We can’t truly be happy with who we are, until we know beyond any shadow of doubt that Jesus died to pay for all our shortcomings and failings and because the price is fully paid, we can now stand before God completely forgiven, completely whole, completely loved. And if you’ve ever stood in that place – with your faith in Jesus … Jesus alone – you will know that the acceptance of God is what makes you whole. The love and acceptance of God – is what sets us free to see ourselves through His eyes.

 

Discovering My Gift

I think we all have a sense of wanting to fulfil our destiny, doing the things we're meant to do, achieving the things we're meant to achieve and being the person we're meant to be. But the more I talk to people the more I discover how many aren't happy with who they are.

I spent a good many years of my life comparing myself with other people, here's how it goes. Here’s what we do when we compare ourselves with other people: all we see, are their good points: 'he's athletic and good looking, and she's really intelligent, and he's caring, and she's so perceptive about people, boy he's got such great hand-eye co-ordination, that couple over there everyone seems to like them. He is such a good cook, she has her house so tidy, they have such well behaved kids.'

You see what's going on here right? We construct some super human unreality which is a pastiche of the very best points of everyone we know and then when we don't live up to that unreality, all of a sudden we come to the conclusion that …, "Ah, I'm a failure". Never mind that everybody we know is good a some things and not at others, never mind that each one of those people has weaknesses as well as strengths. We tend to construct an unrealistic image of who we should be and then we spend a lifetime, fuelled by the advertising industry - with all these images of success - we spend a lifetime trying to live up to something that no-one can ever be or live up to. Hello!

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The family next door always seem perfect compared to our family.That job that your friend has – that’s the perfect job, … look at mine. I’ll never have a job like that. I’ll never have a husband as good as hers, or a wife as good as his, my children will never grow up to be like their kids, my house will never look as nice as … Are you getting the picture here?!

I wonder if we did a stock take of our strengths and weaknesses maybe sit down with a few people who really know us well whether we would look at that and go, "That's not a bad plus and minus ledger, you know, okay there are some things here I'm not very good at but actually there's one or two things here, oh, that’s really my gig, that's my shtick, that's what I do." The Apostle Paul in Romans, chapter 12:3-8 wrote this he said,

By the grace given to me let me say this to you, don't think of yourself more highly than you should but instead look at yourself with sober judgement in accordance with the measure of faith that God's given you. Just as each one of us has a body with many members these members don't all have the same function and so in Jesus, we who are many form one body, each member belongs to the other. We have different gifts according to the grace given to us, if your gift is in prophesying, then do that in proportion with the faith that God has given you. If it's in serving then for goodness sake go and serve. If your gift is teaching go and teach. If your gift is encouragement go and encourage people, if it's contributing to the needs of others giving well for goodness sake give generously and if it's leadership then lead diligently and if it's showing mercy then go and do it cheerfully.

Isn't that beautiful? I love this passage and I come back to it often because what it says is, "Look! You can go and think of yourselves either too highly or too lowly". There is nothing worse than when you see someone who aspires to doing something or being something and you look at them and think, "it's just not them'. If you could see me I'm 5 foot 9.5 right, 174 cm if you think in metric. I may want to be a basketball player, I don't, but if I did I could never be a basketball player, you know why? I'm too short and it doesn't matter how much I hope I could be a great basketball player, when you're up against 6.5 to 7 foot basketball players you can’t win.

It is so sad to see people to aspire to something they just can't do. People who want to be leaders, even though they were never cut out to be leaders. People who want to be singers, when they can’t sing to save themselves – have you ever watched those talent show auditions on television and someone comes out to sing and they think they’re brilliant, but in fact they’re terrible?It’s embarrassing. It’s painful. They look so foolish.

Paul's saying here, "The body has many members; each one belongs to all the others." When we get comfortable with our strengths and our weaknesses, with who we are and who we’re not, with the idea that we’re all meant to be different and complementary, that’s the way it’s meant to work – it is such an exciting thing because you know what? We're not threatened anymore, we're not touchy anymore, we can relax. We can enjoy the things that we're good at and let other people do the things we're not good at.

And the very clear message is this: do what you were made to do; discover your gift, your unique talent and ability, that thing that you’re good at, that thing that you enjoy doing … and for Pete’s sake go and be you. Go and do that – because that’s what it means to fulfil your destiny. Right there.That’s it!!! Now there are always going to be some things in our lives we have to do that we don't enjoy doing.

Now maybe you’re a young mother thinking … "But Berni what I really enjoy being is a mum. Just seeing my kids grow up, that’s all." As though that's not one of the most important things on the planet, “Well Berni, you know I'm only an accountant." WHAT! That's fabulous, I could never be an accountant, we need accountants. Thank God for Elia!

When we pick something up and put it into God’s hands, when we're being the me we're meant to be it is just the most awesome thing and so many people spend their lives doing jobs, aspiring to things that they just aren't. I'm not saying set low standards, I'm not saying don't aim high, I'm someone who always aims high, always think big but you know I don't think big about being a basketball player.

What I think big about is doing the things that God made me to do and when we persist and get good at them, it's so wonderful to be the me we were meant to be. Not someone else’s "me" but my me and your me.

 

Becoming Who I Already Am

Survey after survey tells us that 75% of people don't enjoy their work. I wonder how many of those are trying to do a job they just weren't cut out to do, it's just not them.

And yet it’s not all that hard to see how different we each are. A child at school who is great at creative writing – but terrible at mathematics. So – what do we do? We make them work harder at their mathematics, instead of encouraging them to go with the creative writing thing that we’re good at. Of course, we all have to do a few things that we’re not good at from time to time, but if we end up majoring in those things, it’s a disaster.  When I left school I was accepted into a medicine degree – I would have made a terrible doctor, and a law degree – and same with being a lawyer because the law is all about detail and I’m not into detail.

So – pardon me for saying so, but blind Freddie can see that we have all been made differently. I think it was Oscar Wilde who said – Be yourself, Everybody else is already taken. Pretty good thought that. Okay baby is born right, what does it grow up to be? It grows into who it already is, let me explain. A little baby gets born, it can't even go to the toilet on its own, it can't feed itself, it can't protect itself – in fact it can’t do anything pretty much except eat, sleep, scream and dirty its nappy. So …is it any less a human being than you and me? Well, no of course not, this little bubs is just in an early stage of life and just like we all did, it goes through all stages. It begins to recognise and smile at its parents and the psyche develops and it grows an awareness and it crawls and walks and it becomes a toddler and it goes to school and becomes a teenager and then an adult, it's a natural progression.

What is it that influences who that little baby becomes when it grows up? Well two things, firstly its natural disposition, its abilities, who God made that child to be and secondly, the things that happen along the way. Now some of those things along the way are positive, some of those things like the good parents who love you and good teachers at school. Those things develop the child’s natural abilities, but some of the things that happen rob the person, rob the child, give it a wrong impression of itself.

You see bad things will always happen to good people, they do, they always have and they always will. But if we know who we are and if we let God into our lives to be with us, to develop us, to care for us, to nurture us, those bad things instead of robbing us end up enhancing our characters. The negatives get turned into a positive. The problem is so many people never get with God’s plan for who they are.

For years I tried to be all things to all people, I set myself up to be this and set myself up to be that because I thought it would make me look important and good. But it wasn't until I got with God’s plan and started seeing myself the way he sees me that I really started being the me I was meant to be. God made me to be doing what I'm doing right now spending this time with you. I'm never as happy and as fulfilled as when I'm sitting here with you.

A friend of mine, a Pastor, once said to me, "You know Berni, you should be more pastoral than that." In other words, you should be around lots more people and you should do this and you should do that and you should be this. And I love people but think about it, much of what I do is I prepare these programs alone and then I come into a studio basically alone. Okay millions of people are listening around the world but they're not in this room with me right now. If God made me to be someone who needed to be around a lot of people, don't you think I'd get awfully lonely doing what I do? He didn't so I don't.

Who are you? Who did God make you to be? Maybe you're just one of those people who loves entertaining and having a house full of people over all the time. That's a gift, go and be that person, go and grow into that, go and love it and enjoy it and be the person who God meant you to be. Maybe, maybe you're a quiet, backroom kind of person who does things, book keeping or cleaning or cooking and you know, when you're doing those things you feel so fulfilled, can I tell you something?

Go for it, if that's what God made you to be, don't compare with other people, grow in that, develop that, be delighted with who God made you. When we compare ourselves with others, we aspire to be someone who we aren’t, who we were never made to be and come on – that’s just plain crazy. I’m excited about who God’s made me to be – and I focus on the things I’m really good at, try to grow in areas where I’m still a bit immature … and leave the stuff I’m not good at to other people – people who actually love doing those things because they’re good at them. It’s not really that complicated, is it?

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do the good things that God prepared beforehand for us to walk into.

That’s exactly what God’s Word says – do the things that God prepared for you – not the things that other people want you to do. God knows who we are, he made us and he made us to be the me we were meant to be. Right now in this instant, His heart and His eyes are on you and me and He knows who He made us to be and He is delighting in us. Wake up! It is time to stop trying to be someone else, it is time to stop trying to squeeze into the world’s mould, into a shape that doesn't fit, into something that ultimately becomes a distressing straight jacket. He wants each one of us to be the person He meant us to be.

I am so excited because God has a plan, he has a plan for me, he has a plan for you. And we only discover who we're meant to be - it only happens when we get right up close to him, when we have a relationship with him through Jesus Christ. Jesus said, "I am the vine and you are the branches. Apart from me you can do nothing." And you know? You're going to grow different fruit to me 'cause that's how Jesus made us. And if you want to grow the fruit that you were meant to grow in your life, you need to get right up close with Him. His word and His Spirit in a rich and dynamic relationship that's so wondrous and so huge and so safe and secure and at the same time exciting, then and only then can we be the me we were meant to be.