A recent talk with a friend inspired my train of thought. He mentioned how every no that he has gotten in his life, allowed him to be where he is right now - and while processing nos are difficult and often hurt in real time, when time is taken to reflect on your life, you'd see just how powerful those nos were.

I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for the nos handed to me.

S/o to Jair

For many of us, 'firsts' are filled with many emotions—excitement, fear, uncertainty, anxiety, etc. For me, I can't help but feel sad, anxious, and maybe even fearful.

In this episode, I talk more about my feelings as I approach my expected due date (Jan 28th) and delve into things I have been doing/trying to do to ease the pain that I currently feel.

This episode is near and dear to my heart, as I open up with my guest Adanna about our abortion experiences. We talk about 'why', the partners we had during that time, our support system or lack thereof and so much more.

A trigger warning to anyone who may have had an abortion, please take care of yourself as you listen to this episode.

Relationships teach us a lot about ourselves and one thing I’ve learnt since my last is to trust thyself to know.

I pray that when our intuition speaks we listen. It’ll honestly save us from heartache, literally.

This, by far, is the hardest episode I have recorded. Not just because of the experience of having an abortion but sharing this experience with others - ya girl is scared.

But, going through this experience and having others to talk to while I was in the thick of it made me realize how healing it is to share our truths with one another.

This episode is dedicated to all those who have had an abortion, I see you. I am right there with you.

*I do not own the right to the music*

This feels so foreign, to go through the whole process of recording and uploading an episode, but here we are. In the beginning, on Oct 23rd, I stopped recording because it felt (and still does feel) weird to carry on life while several genocides are occurring around the world. So I took a break.

However, little did I know what life had in store for me afterward LOL.

Months passed and I found out I was pregnant, but because of reasons I would like to keep to myself, I decided to have an abortion. This time has been the most soul-crushing time of my life. This episode is me talking about my first "official" outing in a group setting since having my abortion.

Ever wondered about the thoughts that come after shaving ALL? your hair off ...

I’m this episode Celeste and I explore the different thoughts and emotions we both felt after shaving our hair. We talk about freedom and pain surrounding our journey.

Have you ever shaved your hair off? How did you feel? Why did you do it? How did it make you feel beautiful?

SO curious to know! Leave a message or even DM on on IG.

Picture this, you go to a photoshoot that your friend organized. You weren't too sure if you were going to make it cause you took the wrong train and ended up being an hour late. You push through and got to meet some dope ass people. One person in particular you gravitated towards and loved listening to them work through their thoughts. Fast forward, its a Saturday and yall are sitting recording an episode in Prospect Park :)

... love to see it.

In this episode, Calliope and I delve into the conversation of rediscovering your personal authenticity and what it means for us to find our personal authenticity.

As always I hope you enjoy the episode and all it has to offer!

Welcome back everyone to another episode of Behind Closed Doors Podcast!

We're back with another solo episode for this week! Can't lie, I was nervous (and you'll definitely hear me say that throughout the episode).

In this episode I talk about rejection being a form of redirection and protection, what it means to chase after a dream that doesn't seem to be working out, and trying to understand what makes past self and motivations from present self.

Welcome back to another episode of Behind Closed Doors.

This episode I would have to say is one of my favorites. Not only was it filmed outside but it happened so organically. I went up with a friend, and one thing led to another, and BOOM an episode was recorded.

This episode touches on many topics, from community to feeling our feelings to abstract art.

Feel free to sit back, relax, and listen to Maria and me talk about everything.