Today I learned that being honest with myself is the best long term strategy. From watching myself be internally dishonest and watching people I know be dishonest with themselves I learned that it is something that will undoubtedly lead to a crashing burning failure. In the moments we’re I lied to myself and thought that I could do two things at once and pursue my dream and still pass my classes I ended up wasting time and money and looking utterly foolish. I was half pregnant and I knew it every step of the way. Every time finals would come I would just bail because I knew I wasn’t prepared and there was a lot of shame in doing that but I was able to conceal it though only temporarily. It seems that when your dishonest with yourself your just buying time. Eventually everybody is going to know the thing you did when nobody was looking. It’s going to be something you can’t even hide. It’s going to be gigantic and ignorable. It might envelope you so much that your desparately grabbing anyone near to save you from sinking further and further downward. Being brutally honest with myself is the antitdote for that. Being brutally honest with myself is the surest way I’ll avoid ending up in a smouldering flame of willful neglect. The people that can look at the mirror and pull out the lie they’ve been carrying for sometime are able to move through life lighter. They are able to walk straight forth. Not pace in circles or zig zag for years. It’s not that being brutally honest bring out perfection but it is my understanding that being totally honest brings out far more meaning than otherwise. So to avoid a pathetic desperate Hell the best thing I can do is be brutally honest with myself.