Welcome to this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy - the one where we ask the tough questions...* What's the difference between emotional detachment and emotional unavailability?* Why can needs get confused with neediness?* How do sympathy and empathy serve different purposes? We explore how emotional detachment can actually help us to develop greater empathy and deepen authentic relationships, with others and ourselves. And we explain what happens when we don’t detach - how we can lose objectivity and fall foul of merging with others, enmeshing our experiences, projecting our beliefs and outsourcing our authentic needs... Emma explains why she used to work for brownie points and Elizabeth gets interested in the inner psyche of the teenage girl. ---Not for the first time we reference the Love Languages work of Gary Chapman: https://amzn.eu/d/68aAaOc---

S7 Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Emotional Detachment - When should we take a step back? What stops us? Can it make for healthier relationships?

Hello! We’re Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed-Turrell. And for over 20 years, we’ve been best friends. Elizabeth is a broadcaster and author. Emma is a psychotherapist. Best Friend Therapy is where we chat about what’s on our minds to get deeper in our minds. Every week, we talk about how to tackle the challenges we face in daily life with honesty, compassion and practical wisdom. This is a podcast that holds your hand through the tough times and offers reassurance on the days you might need it. Feed your soul with nourishing conversations from two best friends, one therapist - and zero filter.

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Well, here we are. Emma is firmly in denial and Elizabeth is busy looking for silver linings because this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy is our LAST ONE EVER. Probably. We have loved every minute of these last two years, as we've curated this collection of conversations to share with you, our wonderful listeners.Thank you so much for having us and we hope you'll join us for one last look back, at the journey we've been on together... We talk about our favourite episodes and look back on some of the memorable moments that made us laugh and cry. We'd love to hear from you about your favourite episodes and what you'll take away from this series and, remember, the back catalogue is there for you whenever you want to dip in and hear some words of comfort and support, or just enjoy hearing us lose it over that pesky rustle in the bush. Elizabeth shares her heartfelt thanks for the space you've given to her feelings on fertility and Emma will forever be grateful for the confidence she's gained to speak her truth more widely. Finally, know that we see you. We hear you. We understand you.And you are not alone. You will always be welcome here.Oh, and watch this space for what comes next...Love Elizabeth and Emma xx---We are so looking forward to seeing some of you IRL at our live finale show on Thursday 4th April, at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London! And if you couldn't get a ticket, or you just fancy watching from the comfort of your own sofa, you can now join us via livestream. Book a ticket to watch live, or on demand for a week after the event, here: https://www.fane.co.uk/best-friend-therapy ---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.  --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell  Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk

S7, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Goodbye - Join us for a look back over the last two years of BFT and what makes this community so special...

We begin this episode with the announcement that this... sniff... will be... sniff... our last season of Best Friend Therapy but DON'T PANIC because there are good reasons which we'll go into and plenty of exciting new projects in the pipeline!Which also means there's no time to lose and so this week we take a deep dive into the work Emma has been developing around her unique model of "blind spot therapy", and which she's sharing with us all in her upcoming book, What Am I Missing?If you have ever wondered why you end up repeating patterns of unhealthly behaviour, in the wrong relationships, caught up in conflict in your family or held back at work, you might be acting out of a blind spot - an area of low or no awareness that means you can't see things clearly and end up tripping over the same obstacles in life. Emma has developed a brand new psychological theory to translate ideas of unconscious bias, learned behaviours and cultural conditioning into four clear and relatable blind spot profiles:Listen along this week and find out whether you might be:THE GLADIATOR, determined but missing trustTHE BRIDGE, easy-going but missing authenticityTHE HUSTLER, charming but missing self-worthOr THE ROCK, resilient but missing boundariesElizabeth explores how being a Bridge/Hustler, or a "Bristle" as we affectionately like to call her, has affected her in the past and Emma explains how her inner Rock led her to become a therapist. Published by Penguin on 4th April, What Am I Missing? will teach you how to overcome the blind spots that are holding you back and explain why, when they said "what you don't know won't hurt you", they couldn't have been more wrong!---EXCLUSIVE PRE-ORDER OFFER: You can get £5 off your copy of What Am I Missing? if you pre-order online at Waterstones and use the code WHATAMIMISSING before the 4th April. https://www.waterstones.com/book/what-am-i-missing/emma-reed-turrell/9780241624982And if you do pre-order a hardback, audiobook or e-book edition from any UK retailer, you can also enter a competition to win an online 1:1 Blind Spot Therapy Session with Emma! Just visit https://penguinrandomhouse.eu.research.net/r/WhatAmIMissingComp to enter your details.Malcolm Gladwell talks about the "10,000-Hour Rule", in his book Outliers, it's an excellent take on what makes us successful: https://amzn.eu/d/2Or36uE ---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk

S7, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Blind Spots - How does unconscious bias affect us? Why do we need perspective? What's your blind spot profile?

Welcome back to Best Friend Therapy and this season’s opportunity for Emma to therapise our beloved guinea pig, Elizabeth Day, whilst offering some psycho-education for us all about the Transactional Analysis concept of the “Drama Triangle” - why and how we end up repeating conflict in relationships (be they personal or professional) and what we can do to change it.The Drama Triangle was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s and tells us about three unhealthy roles we take on in drama - the Rescuer, the Persecutor, the Victim.Elizabeth talks about a time she adopted the role of Rescuer as a way of defending her Victim and she recognises the futile task of trying to solve someone’s problems when they are not yet ready to change. She also tells us about the guilt she feels when she fails the other person and we uncover the unconscious motivations that are keeping her stuck. Listen along with an example of your own and ask yourself:If you’re the Rescuer, what are your feelings and needs? If you’re the Persecutor, what can’t you tolerate really? If you’re the Victim, what are your options to take back control? Emma explains and gives examples of how to channel more productive, constructive Adult communication using Acey Choy’s “Winners Triangle”, to remove the conflict and get closer to the results you want.---The original reference for the Drama Triangle is: Karpman MD, Stephen (1968). "Fairy tales and script drama analysis". Transactional Analysis Bulletin. 26 (7): 39–43. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf/DramaTriangle.pdf Choy, Acey (1990). The Winner's Triangle Transactional Analysis Journal 20(1):40 https://www.scribd.com/document/577707612/Winner-s-Triangle And this brilliant book by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines is a great introduction to all things TA, including Eric Berne’s work on Games: https://amzn.eu/d/eZEkUmD ---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk 

S7, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Drama Triangle - Do you end up having the same old arguments? Listen and learn how to handle conflict better.

What is introversion and extroversion anyway?This week we’re drawing on the ideas of Carl Jung, and the Big Five personality traits, to help us understand why some people get their energy from being around other people, and others prefer to recharge their batteries on their own. Emma challenges the idea that it’s simply a matter of personality, and wonders whether we develop these behaviours as an adaptation to societal pressures, and Elizabeth explains why, as an introvert, she prefers a voice note to a phone call. We chat about the impact of social media and the pandemic, cross-cultural influences and, most importantly, whether you’re a bath or a shower person. --- Carl Jung on psychological types: Jung, C. G. [1921] 1971. Psychological Types, Collected Works of C.G. Jung, vol. 6. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.  More on the Big Five personality traits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits ---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.  ---  Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayEmma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrellBest Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapyEmail: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk

S7, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Introverts and Extroverts - What's the difference? How do these traits develop? Which way is best?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we tackle the thorny issue of comparison - how it gets in our way, what its true function is and how it can actually direct us to feel happier and more fulfilled.From Reese Witherspoon to Richard II, we cover themes of unconditional acceptance and safety, via the rise of social media and the Peasants Revolt (bear with us, ED is ever the historian). Emma teaches us the difference between jealousy and envy and Elizabeth tells us how gratitude is her antidote to comparison (and why ex’s are no longer up for discussion).—-Emma does the show notes and gave up history as a subject as quickly as possible, so if you’re looking for references on Richard II and the Peasants Revolt, you’re on your own.Naomi Klein’s book, however, is available here: Doppelganger: A Trip Into the Mirror World https://amzn.eu/d/gCFeiar---Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. ---Social Media:Elizabeth Day @elizabdayEmma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrellBest Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapyEmail: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk

S7 Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Emotional Detachment - When should we take a step back? What stops us? Can it make for healthier relationships?

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