Better After Divorce

🎟️ Choose, Don't Chase: Stop Repeating the Heartbreak
Live on Zoom · Wednesday, October 28 · 7 PM Eastern
$27, and every seat comes with a free plus one. Bring the girlfriend who's dating the same guy with a different name.
Save your seat → [event link]

IN THIS EPISODE
→ Red Light Green Light: he texts every day, sends flowers and poetry, but never makes plans to see you in person
→ Why consistency isn't enough, and what to look for instead: congruency
→ The three endings: unavailable, incompatible, noncommittal
→ Why smart women miss the pattern, and why it feels like chemistry
→ The "no labels" speech, and what I finally understood about my own pattern
→ The five archetypes running underneath your choices
→ Why a sovereign woman chooses instead of chasing

REFERENCE
→ The Wedding Date (2005), the source of Nick Mercer's line "Every woman has the exact love life she wants."

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED
Send it to the friend who keeps saying "it's not the same thing." Then bring her to the 28th. Her seat's on me.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

Every Man You Date Is Being Asked to Prove You're Not Broken

For years I dated as proof I wasn’t broken. Every man was evidence for a case I didn’t know I was building. This week I’m telling the origin story behind all of this work — the pattern I ran in dating, and the same pattern I found running everywhere else in my life.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ A Red Light Green Light on liking him vs. liking that he likes you

→ Why "the work" I did after my divorce didn’t touch the actual pattern

→ The sentence that cracked it open: it wasn’t the men, it was my pattern, my frame, my belief

→ Where this same pattern showed up outside of dating — brain fog, work, asking for help

→ Why I believe dating, leadership, and every role you play are the same subject wearing different clothes

REFERENCE

Companion article: The Forgotten Reason You Forgot: Menopause Brain Fog 

Related episode: Being Single on Purpose 

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to a woman who’s still building a case for the defense. She doesn’t need a better man. She needs to see the pattern.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

BODY BETRAYAL OR BODY EVOLUTION - THE PAUSE NO ONE TALKS ABOUT 

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy · FemFactor Fit, Episode 1

Nobody asked me. I wasn't prepared. And frankly — it sucks.

For a while I thought aging was something you could outrun. Then my body laid down in the road — like Dorothy in the poppy field, shoes on, mid-stride, done. This episode is the confession the article didn't have room for: the full ninety-day list of everything that paused on me without asking, what my clinicians actually said, and the reframe that got me back on my feet. It's the first episode in a brand new series — FemFactor Fit — and it is not a fitness program.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ The full ninety-day list — sleep, hormones, exercise, food, desire, career — every pause named out loud

→ What happens in five minutes with a clinician, and why the pamphlet isn't the whole story

→ The reframe: FemFactor Fit isn't a program to get your body back — it's coming home to the body you're in now

→ What The Pause does to intimacy — married, dating, or content on your own, it touches all three

→ Where this series is headed over the coming weeks

REFERENCE

Companion article: "The Pause and the Poppy Field" 

The Mel Robbins Podcast episode with Dr. Mary Claire —  the clearest breakdown of the biology I've found so far

Send your own Pause story for Red Light Green Light → [email protected], subject line RLGL

IF THIS RESONATED

Send this to a woman who's white-knuckling her way through The Pause alone. She needs to know she's not the only one who fell asleep in the poppy field. And tell me — on a scale of one to ten, where are you in your Pause? I read every reply, and I answer.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

Worthy of Being Chosen

That’s not what I lost.

The finale of Dating From Fullness — and the part I left out of the written version on purpose.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ The trap in the title, and why you were never the one who had to qualify

→ How each archetype proves her worth — five women, five receipts nobody asked for

→ Breaking the generational curse, and what happens when the thing you built ends

→ The first time I heard my own voice — and what she said

→ Why nobody can hand your sovereignty back to you

→ Six parts, one arc: the whole series in five minutes

→ What’s coming September 7, and the rooms I’m opening

REFERENCE

→ Read the companion piece: coachivy.substack.com

→ Find your archetype — free guide:

→ Already know yours and still running it? Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session 

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman who’s been proving her worth to people who never deserved the receipt.

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

Being Single On Purpose

The world has exactly one story for a single woman in midlife: something is wrong with you. You're waiting. Still looking. Got issues.

Bullshit at its finest.

There's a difference between single-and-waiting and single-and-sovereign — same relationship status, completely different woman. One's keeping a seat warm. The other one already picked herself.

This week we get into what that actually looks like, including the part nobody says out loud: sovereign doesn't mean never lonely.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ Why the toy aisle told you the story before you could even read

→ Single-waiting vs. single-sovereign — two entirely different women, one status

→ How all five archetypes do alone: proving, serving, investigating, defending, breathing

→ The aligned one who still walked away — and why disappointment is its own kind of grief

→ What Frances figured out in Tuscany that most of us are still waiting on

→ The honest part: some Saturdays are long, and that doesn't mean you got it wrong

REFERENCE

→ Read the companion piece on Substack: Being Single On Purpose

→ Find your archetype — the free guide

→ Already know your archetype and tired of watching yourself run it? Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session 

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman who keeps getting asked when she's going to settle down — and has stopped explaining herself. She needs to hear this.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

Intimacy Cost More Now - And You Have More to Lose

You want the closeness, the connection. You even want the sex. So why does the thought of actually going out and getting it make you want to take a nap?

It’s not that desire left. It’s that the price went up.

This week we’re talking about what intimacy actually costs in midlife — and why your “I just can’t right now” isn’t a flaw. It’s accurate pricing.

Because intimacy isn’t sex. Intimacy is letting someone see the parts of you you’ve kept hidden since the divorce — and that bill doesn’t take Saturday nights anymore.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ Red light on “Keepin’ It Easy” — why easy for him is expensive for you

→ One comically unsexy Tuesday night — the nighttime ritual, the covers, and Hercules holding his ground

→ The three costs — the body, what you have to lose, and the past

→ The reframe — the price didn’t rise because you got difficult; the asset appreciated

→ Five women, same exposure — how each archetype meets intimacy, and the wall she can’t take down

→ What Samantha Jones understood that most of us miss

→ Coach Ivy’s truth — not dating right now, on purpose. Not a waiting room. Ownership.

REFERENCE

→ Read the companion article on Substack: Intimacy Costs More Now — and You Have More to Lose

on coachivy.substack.com

→ Find your archetype — free Dating Pattern Guide: coachivy.involve.me/relationship-pattern

→ Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session: calendly.com/coachivyallen/the-archetype-breakthrough-session

→ Write me — I answer every email personally: [email protected]

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman who keeps apologizing for not having the energy to date. She’s not too tired for love — she’s too rich to overpay. She needs to hear this.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose Him

The date went well. You know it did — because you checked. Once when he leaned in, and again in the car, replaying the whole thing.

And somewhere around the second exit it hits you: you can't name one true thing about him.

Not what he said. You have all of that. 

You don't know who he is. Whether you even liked him.

This week we're talking about the difference between fear and fullness — and why it's not a feeling you have on a date. It's the position you walked in standing on. Fear spends the whole night auditioning. Fullness walks in with nothing to extract, which is the only reason it can actually see him.

Because the real cost of dating from fear isn't heartbreak. It's blindness.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ Why fear isn't an emotion — it's a position, and it doesn't just show up on the date, it shows up about all men

→ Five women, same fear, five completely different dates — how the Lioness, Matriarch, Seeker, Valkyrie, and Empath each dance around it

→ Erica Barry's turtlenecks — the armor you don't notice you're wearing

→ The Game of 26 — the dating experiment that made joy possible again, and why the point was never to date 26 people

→ Fear vs. fullness — a past you're still arguing with vs. a past you've stopped negotiating with

→ The part nobody names — how "being chosen" quietly replaces choosing him

REFERENCE

→ Read the companion piece on Substack: You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose Him

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman who's been on a hundred good dates and still can't tell you if she liked a single one of them. She needs to hear this.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

You Can't Flirt in a Body You're Not Feelin'

You know that half-second delay when you catch your reflection and think — that's not me. Or it is. It's just not the me I expected to see.

And somehow you're supposed to go on a date feeling like that.

This week we're talking about the body you're actually dating in right now. Not the one you're waiting to get back to. Not the one you had ten years ago. This one. Today.

Because you can't flirt in a body you're not feelin' — and most of us in midlife are somewhere between making peace and making war with the body we're in.

IN THIS EPISODE

REFERENCE

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

You're Not on a Date. You're on a Job Interview.

It's crazy out here — and you're spending a fortune of energy for almost nothing. But not for the reason you think.

This week we're talking about the wasteland. The matches that go nowhere. The Sunday swiping that leaves you lonelier than before. The guy you almost texted yes to — not because you wanted to, but because you had nothing else going on.

You're competent, self-aware, and honestly? You look pretty damn good. But this one arena makes you feel like you're losing your mind.

You're not crazy. It IS crazy out here. But here's what nobody is saying out loud — it's not the men, the apps, or your age. It's how we date. We don't date. We interview. We show up with a clipboard and a list of questions, deciding if he's worthy of a job offer before the appetizers arrive.

This is Part 1 of Dating From Fullness — the series that walks you out of the wasteland. Not by trying harder. By carrying less.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ What the dating wasteland actually looks like — and why you're not imagining it

→ The real reason dating is exhausting (hint: it's the clipboard, not the men)

→ Red Light / Green Light — the date that went perfectly and ended in a fade

→ The Game of 26 — the season Coach Ivy stopped keeping score and everything shifted

→ Why you can't pour enjoyment into a cup that's already full of dread

→ The freedom of nonattachment — and why it's the most magnetic thing you can bring to a table

REFERENCE

→ Read the article this week on Substack: You're Not Crazy, and You're Not Alone — Midlife Dating Can Be Grueling

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman in your life who's exhausted by dating and starting to wonder if it's her. It's not — and this episode will show her what is.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.

You're Not Unlucky. You Keep Telling the Wrong Story.

This week we’re talking about the shadow — the place every archetype goes when the pattern wins. And the woman who lives there.

Meet Allegra. She’s done the therapy. She’s done the work. She knows her patterns. And she hasn’t had one serious relationship in over a decade.

She’s not one of the five archetypes. She’s the shadow that lives inside all of them. And she has a name. The Victim.

Not victim as an insult. Victim as a position. A place you stand in relation to your own life.

This episode is for every woman who has ever asked — why does this keep happening to me? And is finally ready for the real answer.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ What we appreciate appreciates, and why every archetype is looking at the wrong thing

→ Allegra’s story — and the three red flags that were never about him

→ The five archetypes in their shadow state — and the pop culture women living every one of them

→ The 100% responsibility concept — why I hated it and what I finally understood

→ The Queen vs the peasant — two ways to carry a hard story

→ Where everything starts to change

REFERENCE

→ Read the article this week on Substack: The Pattern No One Wants to Admit They’re Living

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the Allegra in your life. Not as a call out — as a gift. The woman who is ready to see it will.

COACH IVY RESOURCES

→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe

→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session

→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY

Instagram: @coachivyvine

Facebook: CoachIvy

Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.