You Can't Flirt in a Body You're Not Feelin'

You know that half-second delay when you catch your reflection and think — that's not me. Or it is. It's just not the me I expected to see.

And somehow you're supposed to go on a date feeling like that.

This week we're talking about the body you're actually dating in right now. Not the one you're waiting to get back to. Not the one you had ten years ago. This one. Today.

Because you can't flirt in a body you're not feelin' — and most of us in midlife are somewhere between making peace and making war with the body we're in.

IN THIS EPISODE

REFERENCE

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You're Not on a Date. You're on a Job Interview.

It's crazy out here — and you're spending a fortune of energy for almost nothing. But not for the reason you think.

This week we're talking about the wasteland. The matches that go nowhere. The Sunday swiping that leaves you lonelier than before. The guy you almost texted yes to — not because you wanted to, but because you had nothing else going on.

You're competent, self-aware, and honestly? You look pretty damn good. But this one arena makes you feel like you're losing your mind.

You're not crazy. It IS crazy out here. But here's what nobody is saying out loud — it's not the men, the apps, or your age. It's how we date. We don't date. We interview. We show up with a clipboard and a list of questions, deciding if he's worthy of a job offer before the appetizers arrive.

This is Part 1 of Dating From Fullness — the series that walks you out of the wasteland. Not by trying harder. By carrying less.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ What the dating wasteland actually looks like — and why you're not imagining it

→ The real reason dating is exhausting (hint: it's the clipboard, not the men)

→ Red Light / Green Light — the date that went perfectly and ended in a fade

→ The Game of 26 — the season Coach Ivy stopped keeping score and everything shifted

→ Why you can't pour enjoyment into a cup that's already full of dread

→ The freedom of nonattachment — and why it's the most magnetic thing you can bring to a table

REFERENCE

→ Read the article this week on Substack: You're Not Crazy, and You're Not Alone — Midlife Dating Can Be Grueling

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the woman in your life who's exhausted by dating and starting to wonder if it's her. It's not — and this episode will show her what is.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You're Not Unlucky. You Keep Telling the Wrong Story.

This week we’re talking about the shadow — the place every archetype goes when the pattern wins. And the woman who lives there.

Meet Allegra. She’s done the therapy. She’s done the work. She knows her patterns. And she hasn’t had one serious relationship in over a decade.

She’s not one of the five archetypes. She’s the shadow that lives inside all of them. And she has a name. The Victim.

Not victim as an insult. Victim as a position. A place you stand in relation to your own life.

This episode is for every woman who has ever asked — why does this keep happening to me? And is finally ready for the real answer.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ What we appreciate appreciates, and why every archetype is looking at the wrong thing

→ Allegra’s story — and the three red flags that were never about him

→ The five archetypes in their shadow state — and the pop culture women living every one of them

→ The 100% responsibility concept — why I hated it and what I finally understood

→ The Queen vs the peasant — two ways to carry a hard story

→ Where everything starts to change

REFERENCE

→ Read the article this week on Substack: The Pattern No One Wants to Admit They’re Living

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Send it to the Allegra in your life. Not as a call out — as a gift. The woman who is ready to see it will.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You Feel Everything for Everyone. When Do You Finally Get to Feel Something for Yourself?

This week we’re talking about the Empath — the woman who feels everything for everyone. And somewhere along the way forgot to feel anything for herself.

She’s deeply attuned. Compassionate. The most emotionally evolved woman in the room. And she is completely disconnected from her own experience inside a relationship.

Because the Empath doesn’t just feel other people’s emotions. She absorbs them. Manages them. Takes responsibility for them. And when a man finally offers her space to feel her own — she mistakes it for emotional shallowness. And leaves.

This episode is for the woman who has spent her whole life reading everyone but herself.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ Kayla’s story — and the man she walked away from for being too steady

→ Why the Empath’s real pattern is controlling the emotional weather — not reading it

→ The cruel irony — the man she says she wants is the hardest one for her to be with

→ What space actually feels like when you’ve never had it in a relationship

→ The moment that shifts everything — and why it’s quieter than you expect

REFERENCE

→ Read the article this week on Substack: Little Did She Know, He Wasn’t the One Running From His Emotions

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with the woman who feels everything for everyone. She’ll hear herself in every word.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Creating a Test He Can't Win is What's Keeping You Single

This week we’re talking about the Valkyrie — the woman who tests every man she meets. And wonders why they all fail.

She’s not difficult. She’s not impossible. She’s a woman who respects strength and wants to be met — not rescued. So she tests for it. Deliberately. Consistently. Until she finds the edge of what a man can hold.

And every time a man shows a very human response to being constantly evaluated — she writes him off. Too soft. Too submissive. Couldn’t handle her.

Except — that’s not what’s happening. And this episode is about what is.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ Vickie’s story — the date she was dreading before it even started

→ Why the Valkyrie’s tests were never designed to be passed permanently

→ The difference between discernment and a gauntlet

→ What a man’s annoyance at being tested is actually telling her

→ The question Vickie finally asked herself — and why it changes everything

REFERENCE MENTIONED

→ Read the article this week on Substack: She Tests Every Man She Meets. And They All Fail.

→ Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray (book mentioned on how men and women keep score)

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with the woman who calls herself too much. She’ll hear herself in every word — and that recognition is exactly where things start to change.

ABOUT THE PODCAST

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously — so they can choose what comes next, on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

This week we’re talking about the Seeker — the woman who can see the potential in every man she dates. And keeps forgetting to see herself.

She’s not naive. She’s not desperate. She’s smart, self-aware, and genuinely believes that people are evolving. She asks the hard questions. She brings things up. The answers always seem plausible.

And still — nothing moves forward. The relationship stays in the space between what is and what could be. And she stays with it. Because the possibility feels real enough to wait for.

This episode is for the woman who believes in everyone. And is overdue to believe in herself.

IN THIS EPISODE

→The Red Light Green Light scenario that reveals what waiting is really costing you

→Ingrid’s story — and the moment Ivy realized she was telling her own

→Why the Seeker confuses potential with partnership

→The difference between chemistry and congruency — and why one lies

→What it actually looks like to choose yourself instead of the vision

REFERENCE

Read the article this week on Substack: Potential is Not Reality — Meet the Seeker

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with the woman who sees the best in everyone — and keeps ending up disappointed. She’ll hear herself in every word.

ABOUT THE PODCAST

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously — so they can choose what comes next, on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You Keep the Peace.  But Who Is Keeping You?

This week we're talking about the Matriarch — the woman who holds everything together. And wonders why no one is holding her.

She's the one people call in a crisis. The emotional anchor in every room she walks into. The woman who reads the temperature, builds the bridge, and keeps the "us" alive — even when she's running on empty.

And in her relationships, that same gift quietly works against her. Because when you manage the conflict before it surfaces, smooth over the hard moments, and make yourself endlessly flexible — you never find out who he actually is when things get real.

This episode is for the woman who is devoted to everyone. And overdue to be devoted to herself.

IN THIS EPISODE

→ The Red Light Green Light scenario that reveals what keeping the peace is really costing you 

→ Diedre's story — and the moment she realized she'd been the background to every man's foreground 

→ Why the Matriarch confuses being needed with being loved 

→ What it actually looks like to stop smoothing it over and let him meet you in the hard moment 

→ The shift from holding everyone else's vision — to finally holding your own

REFERENCE

Read the article this week on Substack: The Background to His Foreground — Meet the Matriarch

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with the woman who holds everything together — at work, at home, and in her relationships. She'll hear herself in every word.

ABOUT THE PODCAST

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously — so they can choose what comes next, on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You're Treating Him Like an Employee, Not a Partner

This week we're talking about the Lioness — the woman who handles everything. Including the relationship.

You're a woman who handles things. Your career, your life, your relationships. And it works — professionally, logistically, functionally.

But somewhere in your love life, the skill that built everything is quietly working against you.

In this episode, Coach Ivy introduces the Lioness — the woman who is capable, compelling, and accidentally holding the whole relationship up by herself. Not because she's controlling. Because she's competent. And because letting go feels more terrifying than just doing it herself.

If you've ever felt more relieved than heartbroken when something ended — this episode is for you.

In This Episode

→ The Red Light Green Light scenario that reveals what over-managing really looks like in real time

→ Maya's story — and why the most disappointing part wasn't the breakup

→ Why the Lioness grips tightest with the men she likes most

→ The thing nobody tells her: the difference between "he didn't do it" and "he didn't do it your way"

→ What actually starts to shift when she learns to receive

Reference

→ Read the article this week on Substack: You Built a Whole Life. Why Does Love Still Feel Like Something to Hold Together?

If This Episode Resonated

Share it with a woman who holds everything together — in her career, her home, and her relationships. She'll know exactly who she is in this episode.

About the Podcast

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously — so they can choose what comes next, on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

You're Not Dating Him. You're Dating Your Pattern.

Have you ever found yourself further along in a relationship in your head than you actually were in real life?

In this episode, Coach Ivy shares a personal story about dating her imagination instead of reality, introduces the five relationship archetypes, and explains why you keep choosing the same dynamic — even when you know better.

Because here's what most women don't realize: you're not choosing bad men because you have bad taste. You're choosing familiar men because your pattern recognizes them. And until you name the pattern — you'll keep dating it.

In this episode

→The Red Light Green Light scenario that reveals what comfort without curiosity really means

→Why so many women are dating their imagination — not the man in front of them

→The five relationship archetypes — the Seeker, the Lioness, the Matriarch, the Valkyrie, and the Empath

→Why healthy men can feel wrong when your nervous system is wired for a familiar pattern

→How to finally see your pattern clearly — so you can stop dating it

Reference

→Read the article: When a Green Light Feels Wrong

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with a woman who keeps wondering why she ends up in the same relationship with a different man — this episode is for her.

ABOUT THE PODCAST

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously so they can choose what comes next — on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce

Men Are Not the Problem — When a Green Light Does Not Feel Like Chemistry

Sometimes the issue is not that there are no good men. It is that healthy men can feel easy to overlook when they do not activate the pattern you are used to. In this episode, Coach Ivy unpacks why some women miss green lights in dating — not because they want dysfunction, but because calm, emotionally available connection can feel unfamiliar when your nervous system has been trained to respond to intensity, inconsistency, or emotional distance.

This conversation explores the difference between real compatibility and pattern-based chemistry. Because sometimes what feels exciting is not alignment — it is activation. And sometimes what feels underwhelming at first is actually peace, steadiness, and emotional safety.

In this episode:

IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED

Share it with another woman who is learning that not all green lights come with fireworks — and that healthy can feel unfamiliar before it feels right.

ABOUT THE PODCAST

Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is where smart, self-aware women come to understand their relationship patterns, rebuild self-trust, and date more consciously so they can choose what comes next — on their terms.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide

→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson

→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: [email protected] — subject line: RLGL

→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode.

CONNECT WITH COACH IVY
Instagram: @coachivyallen
Facebook: CoachIvy
Substack: Better Dating After Divorce