Handy dandy secret girl code decoder crib sheet:

douchey over nice guy.

asshole over sweet.

jerk over cute.

bastard over good man.

pig over gentleman.

insane over dependable.

jerk over sexy, over hot, over cute, over sweet, over creep, over nice guy creeper, over creep, over stalker, over loser, over nice guy.

serial killer WAY over nice guy.

mass murderer WAY, WAY, over nice guy.

psychopathic hedge fund white collar criminal WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY over nice guy.

nice guy over pedophile. (finally!)

"he makes me cry" WAY over, "he’s always there for me".

"it’s so hard with him" WAY over, "yeah, he’s a great guy".

freak over attentive lover.

"cheating bastard" over, "he treats me like a princess".

"you don’t see what i see in him" over, "he’s the perfect man".

wiseass over funny, over clown, over goofy, over quirky, over weird.

mysterious over "a good friend".

"exciting" over "easy to get along with".

"i don’t know how much more i can take with him" over "someday we’ll get married".

"he always forgets our anniversaries" over "he understands my needs".

pervert over "sensitive lover".

"he screwed my best friend" over "i screwed his best friend".

he gets me over i get him.

"fucking asshole arrogant son of a bitch motherfucking cocksucking pike of steaming shit filthy fucking bastard mama’s boy" over nice guy selfish lover over "eats me out".

"who are you texting?" over "i promise i’m not texting any other guys".

"god that was such a turn-on" over "i love you".

cocky bastard over sweet guy.

"i never know what he’s up to" over, "we go everywhere together".

lover over husband.

"is that a girl’s voice i hear in the background?" over, "thanks for letting me know what time you’ll be home".

"you’re going to shit in front of me?!" over, "i’ll be out in a minute, honey".