Have you ever heard of Better than Sex cake? I’ve heard it called Robert Redford cake, Candybar cake, better than anything cake or heath bar cake.

I’m sure it goes by more names but these are what I’ve heard. It’s a dark chocolate or devils chocolate cake with Carmel sauce and sweetened condensed milk poked throughout it. Topped with whipped cream and heath bar crumbles. It’s pretty sinful and if you don’t like temptation I’d stay away from this dessert completely.

Today I’m going to reminisce on a story from my childhood and my thoughts around this cake. I think it’s so fascinating how many opinions exist in general but I specifically thought it was fascinating around this cake and it’s name.

I heard it called better than sex cake right off the bat. I’m not sure which one of my aunts decided that no filter was required around this dessert. It could have been any of them. But it was so intriguing to me as a kid that they would name a cake this.

My immediate thought was. “Really?”

And of course, I was not at an age where I would even know what the comparison would be so I was only curious to know what this cake tasted like.

It was seriously amazing. However, I thought a few bites in that it was too sweet. I thought. Hmmm. Is this what sex is like?

Or is this really better than sex and how so?

My thinking quickly went to another topic each time and I didn’t really think about it much until I was married and had experience sex for myself.

It wasn’t like I was waiting for the day I had sex to compare it to this cake.

It wasn’t like that at all.

It was after I had been married for a while that this famous cake made it’s rounds in my life and I remember thinking. “Oh yeah! Better than sex cake. How does it compare?”

“I definitely do not agree with that name.”

I then thought. Maybe it’s true for some people?

As I grew older I had my share of conversations with sisters, cousins and girlfriends. I found out that it was VERY different for every person. It was such a different story each time there was a conversation.

Some would say the cake was better than sex, some would say it’s a tie and depends on the day and others would say that the cake does not compare.

I wanted to talk about this because I think that people grow up thinking certain things about sex because of what they hear from their parents, possibly kids around school, social media and other places. The worst part is that I think a majority of our perception comes from places that aren’t actually telling us truth. Often times I was hearing about sex on tv or reading magazines that tell me what a man wants.

This is a terrible way to find out about sex and a shallow way to create a perception.

The best way to find out is in a trusting, loving and respectful relationship. Our parents and loved ones may be able to offer advise but I’ve found that their experience is also very different from mine.

It’s not going to be what anyone has told you about. It’s going to be an experience that is unique to you and the person you are sharing that experience with. It will be something you discover together.

There will be likes, dislikes and needs that you both can discuss to create a truly intimate experience.

When people go into relationships thinking intimacy will be how they were told it should be they may be misguided in what they were told or in their perception of what they were told.

Create your own intimacy with your spouse. Avoid comparing it to anyone else. There’s a podcast I sometimes listen to by a life coach named Amanda Louder. She’s such a great intimacy coach. Go check her out if you struggle with intimacy.

So whether you like better than sex cake or not doesn’t matter.

What does matter is your intimate relationship and the way you look at your sex life...