The Spark: Romance, Intimacy & Why We're Not Just Coexisting

In this episode, James and Bethanie dig deep into what keeps a relationship truly alive — and spoiler alert: it's not about grand gestures. It's about self-reflection.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT:

KEY MOMENT:

THEME:

NEXT WEEK: Teaser for Episode 12: "Real vs. Curated" — we're breaking down how couples actually live vs. how social media makes it look.

Better Together (Most Days) is a relationship podcast hosted by James and Bethanie, a blended-family couple navigating marriage, communication, and real life together. New episodes Thursdays.

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We graded our own advice. All of it.

Over the past 9 episodes, James and Bethanie have thrown a lot of relationship wisdom into the world — never stop courting, energy matching, protecting your peace, communicating when you're both upset, the "palm trees" code. But how well do they actually stick to it? In Episode 10, they sit down with a scorecard and grade themselves on every major piece of advice they've given, one by one.

The grading covers:

The grading is brutally honest, funny, and real — there are confessions about mascot-making interruptions, TikTok glue-stick theories that backfire, and the realization that sometimes the advice lands, and sometimes life just gets in the way.

Plus: Pet Peeves vs. Pet Loves — The new favorite segment where James and Bethanie flip the script and call each other out on what they do (and don't do) that drives them nuts or melts their hearts.

And a tease for Episode 11: "Romance, Intimacy, and Why We're Not Just Coexisting" — coming next Thursday.

It's the relationship audit nobody asks for, but everyone should do.

This one starts mid-argument — because James left the recorder running. ("That tone says otherwise." "I did not have a tone.") By the time Bethanie realizes what's happening, they're already into it.

Episode 9 is about the thing that's honestly harder than merging bank accounts (which, for the record, they still haven't done): blending two families under one roof. Five kids between them — Bethanie's two girls, James's two boys and a girl — each showing up with their own rules, their own bedtimes, and very different ideas about whether chores are a thing that happens.

They get into what nobody hands you a manual for: the socks-and-plates chaos that spirals fast in a house of seven, the arguments about who does what, and the line James keeps coming back to — "we're not here to replace anyone. We're here to care for them, love them, and raise them the best we can." Bethanie talks about being called "hard" on her kids, why her first answer is almost always "no" (or "give me a minute"), and what she's really after: kids who know how to treat people when she's not in the room.

There's the awkward middle-school years, the ugly-cry on the first day of high school, and the harder side of co-parenting — protecting your peace when someone else's choices spill into your house, and choosing to fight for the kids instead of the fight. Plus a "palm trees" callback: the code word's been quiet lately, and that's a good sign.

Two families, five kids, one very full house. Most days it works.

James and Bethanie are about three months out from their September 19th wedding — and this week they pull back the curtain on what they're actually planning.

Inside this episode:

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.

After teasing it for episodes, the Pokémon Go saga finally lands.

Episode 7 is the lighter one — James and Bethanie get into the screen-time tug-of-war, the "cave" dynamic when one of you disappears into a game or a phone, and what it really costs when you're busy capturing the moment instead of actually being in it. Photos vs. presence, and the small daily negotiations every couple makes about attention.

Plus: the wedding tease that sets up Episode 8.

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.

James pulled the actual definitions this time. (Bethanie says "Go to the Google" — he used AI instead.)

Episode 6 is the conversation they've been promising since Episode 5: gaslighting and narcissism, why those two go hand in hand, and what it looks like when you've lived through it. Bethanie's entire last relationship was a master class — a narcissist who was also an alcoholic, with all the "I never said that" and conveniently forgotten events that come with the package. She opens up about the cycle of apologizing at the end of every fight even when she had a real concern, and the years of self-help books that came after.

James talks about his own drinking history — a sip of his dad's beer at 10, a half-gallon of Everclear at 14, and the friend's mom who busted them with the line "well, it is ever so clear to me…" He also breaks down the boundary lesson he learned from an old boss: every walk-in to your office that could've been a 30-second text or email is 10 minutes torn out of your day, and being polite doesn't mean being permanently available.

There's a real conversation about teaching kids the difference between getting their way and being entitled, why a parent who's a narcissist passes it down, and how you set limits with a family member without nuking the relationship. Plus the "palm trees" code phrase James and Bethanie now use when one of them isn't ready to have the hard conversation yet.

Not a clinical episode. Just two people who have been on the receiving end of this stuff naming it out loud.

The episode about what happens when the silence gets loud.

Episode 5 is the conversation about emotional distance — the radio silence, the shutting down, and how you protect your peace without shutting your partner out. James and Bethanie get into business burnout bleeding into the relationship, the Hershey story, and why knowing your core values is what keeps you steady when everything else is noisy.

Plus the tee-up for the gaslighting conversation that lands in Episode 6.

Better Together (Most Days) — real relationship talk, most days.

Welcome to the most relatable episode yet.

James and Bethanie come in with a clear topic — how to communicate when you're both mad — and somehow also end up debating ice cream flavors, what happens to utensils left unattended near a sink, and the eternal question: why will she never just pick a restaurant?

Underneath the laughs, there's real advice: the 90/10 rule (only 10% of your emotions come from what happens to you — the other 90% are yours to own), why removing the word "you" from arguments changes everything, the difference between "I'll try" and "I will," and what it means to match your partner's energy when you both run hot.

Plus a very honest pet peeves segment featuring nail flicking, rage cleaning, a drill with interchangeable scrub brush heads, and an ice cream ordering incident that James is still not fully over.

James came home this week, looked through the window at Bethanie on a work call from her truck, and fell in love with her all over again. That's the energy of Episode 3.

With two weeks of business relocation behind them and exhaustion at an all-time high, James and Bethanie get real about what it takes to stay connected when life will not slow down. They talk scheduling spontaneity (yes, it's a thing and yes it works), why calling your partner "mean" as a joke still causes real damage, the guilt of being a busy parent, and how the smallest moments are almost always the ones that actually stick.

James also shares one of the most powerful things his mom ever said to him during the hardest season of his life. And there's a story involving a three-year-old, a construction site, and a needle through a foot.

We sat down to watch Louis Theroux's manosphere documentary and made it about 15 minutes before Bethanie was too angry to keep going. So we hit pause and turned on the mic instead.

This is what came out — a real conversation about what passes for masculinity online, and what actually holds a marriage together when nobody's watching.

In this episode:

Plus: we officially renamed the show this episode. James still thinks "How to Fix Your Relationship with BJ" was funny. Bethanie has spoken.

Better Together (Most Days) is hosted by James and Bethanie — a blended family running businesses, raising kids, and figuring marriage out one honest conversation at a time.

New episodes Thursdays.