Our very first guest! Marcus is in his early fifties, married for about 30 years, with two kids — and he came out to himself only a couple of years ago, in the emotional wake of the November 2024 election, blurting it out loud before he'd consciously worked it out. He takes Sam and Grayson through a decades-long slow burn: childhood clues he shelved, growing up in the '80s with no bi representation, a coworker "date" he didn't recognize as one, and a parents'-generation view of bisexuality that stuck with him. Being both demisexual and sapiosexual, Marcus needs a real connection before attraction shows up, which makes hookup apps a poor fit and the search for a guy genuinely hard. And his coming-out story takes a turn none of us saw coming! Plus: a mini-topic on apps versus connection, and how a hookup can slowly grow into a friend with benefits.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: Demisexual — someone who feels sexual attraction to another person only after an emotional bond has formed. It says nothing about which gender(s) you're drawn to, just how attraction develops.

Other terms:
Sapiosexual: primarily attracted to intelligence or someone's mind. Marcus is both demisexual and sapiosexual.
ENM (ethical non-monogamy): an openly agreed, everyone-consents arrangement to have more than one partner.
FWB (friends with benefits): a friendship that includes a physical relationship.
Vibe check: a low-pressure in-person meet (often coffee) to see if you click before anything physical.

Apps mentioned: Feeld for open-minded, ENM, poly, and curious folks; Sniffies, a map-based cruising app; and Grindr, the household-name app for gay, bi, and queer men.

Next episode: Exploring with toys — butt toys, cock rings, and more (and a certain Transformers thread returns). Join us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Sam and Grayson pull back the curtain on j-o clubs — the men's group events that have run quietly across the country since 1980. What they are, why they're one of the lowest-pressure ways for a bi or curious guy to explore in person (no apps, no flakes, no ghosting), how to find one near you, and what to expect inside: the rules, the consent culture, wristbands and first-timer orientations, admission and lockers, and what a typical night looks like — from big, well-run clubs to a smaller one with its own house style. Plus club etiquette, watching vs. joining in, ‘finishing’ considerations, and more. Also: host updates, the Word of the Week, a mini-topic on underwear, and the Resource of the Week.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week — Frot: short for frottage (from the French frotter, "to rub"), sexual rubbing between men, usually penis-to-penis, with no penetration. A staple of j-o clubs and an easy one-on-one option.

Frot toy: CockBlock Toys makes a two-person frot sleeve.

Key terms: "No lips below the hips" (jacking only, no oral) and "no poles and holes" / "nothing goes inside anybody's anything" (no penetration) are the standard club rules. Commando: no underwear.

Finding a club: Start with the New York Jacks club list — NY Jacks is the original (est. 1980) and the template most clubs follow. Not on the list? Search your nearest major city plus "jack-off club" or "masturbation group."

Clubs mentioned: Rain City Jacks (Seattle) and Stumptown Strokes (Portland).

Underwear (mini-topic): Coyote Jocks for briefs and jockstraps.

Resource of the Week: The Heart of Jacks podcast, hosted by the founder of Rain City Jacks, on the history and culture of j-o clubs. The series has wound down (no new interviews), but the back catalog is worth a listen.

Next episode: Our guest Marcus shares his bi journey.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us!

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Telling your partner was Episode 4. This time it’s everyone else. Sam and Grayson go wider on coming out — to your parents, your kids, your friends, your coworkers — and the harder question beneath it all: should you come out at all? They cover the factors that actually matter (timing, community, safety, employment, custody), share their own stories and get practical: in-person vs. text, scripting it, and bracing for the questions and biphobia that may follow. Plus a listener email, the Word of the Week on romantic orientation, and a mini-topic: what would you tell your younger self?

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic — who you’re romantically drawn to (a different gender / the same gender / more than one), which can differ from who you’re sexually attracted to.

Other terms

• Heteroflexible — primarily straight, open to in-the-moment possibilities.
• Biphobia — dismissal of bi people, e.g. “pick a side,” “it’s a phase,” “bisexuality isn’t real.”
• Straight-presenting — a person or couple others assume is straight, like a bi man partnered with a woman.

Coming-out support & resources

• LGBT National Coming Out Support Hotline — free, confidential peer support at 888-688-5428, part of the LGBT National Help Center.
• Bisexual Resource Center — Coming Out as Bi+, a bi-specific coming-out guide.
• HRC — Coming Out resources, including a general guide and template.

Podcasts mentioned

• Chaps Out — UK- and Ireland-based podcast where gay and bi men share stories of coming out later in life.
• Coming Out Stories — real people, unique coming-out stories.

Mini-topic: What would you tell your younger self? Email us yours — about your bi journey or anything else!

Next episode: jack-off clubs — how they work, why they’re a low-impact entry point for exploring your bisexuality, and some stories. Join us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us.

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

You’ve come out, told your partner, and gotten the okay — now how do you actually find a guy? Sam and Grayson turn this one into a field guide for bi and bicurious men: the health prep to handle first, a platform-by-platform tour, how to build a profile that works, first-contact etiquette, red flags, negotiation, the vibe check, and the encounter itself — down to the aftermath. Plus listener feedback, a Word of the Week, and cautionary meetup-gone-wrong stories.

Heads up: 18+, adults only.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren’t medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Word of the Week: NPNC — No Pic, No Chat.

Terms this week

• PrEP — medication taken before exposure to prevent HIV.
• DoxyPEP — doxycycline taken after a risky encounter (ideally within 24 hrs) to reduce syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea risk.
• Side — a guy who enjoys non-penetrative sex over anal.
• DL / down low — men seeking discreet same-sex encounters without being out or with their partner’s knowledge.
• Vibe check — a low-stakes public meet to confirm identity and comfort before playing.

Resource of the Week: DAP Health — A Guide to Safely Hooking Up Online, a safety checklist and hookup-lingo guide.

Apps & sites we covered

• Grindr — best-known hookup app; fast, location-based.
• Sniffies — web-based real-time map; heavy hookup/DL traffic.
• Scruff — gay dating/hookup app; solid messaging, flat price.
• Squirt, Adam4Adam, Manhunt — web-based cruising/hookup sites.
• Feeld — open-minded singles and couples; kink, poly, ENM friendly.
• Tinder — mainstream dating/hookups; good for same-sex matches without paying.
• SLS, SDC, Kasidie — swinger/lifestyle sites; strong in some regions.

Also: Reddit (r4r), sex-positive Discord servers, and IRL — gay bars, bathhouses, jack-off clubs.

Next episode: Coming Out — not to your partner, but friends, family, and your own kids (if applicable). Join us.

Listen and subscribe here, and a rating or review helps other men find us!

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write “OK for air” if we can read it on the show — and if you’d like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

How do you tell a partner you're bi — whether you're two weeks into dating or twenty years into a marriage? Sam and Grayson split it into two conversations: "I'm bi," and, if applicable, "I want to act on it." Both revisit their own disclosures — Sam reads the email he sent his future wife two weeks into dating, and Grayson recaps telling his wife after years of getting close.

The practical core: whether there's a benefit to telling at all, and how a partner might take it — their views on LGBT people, a religious or conservative background, the "close to home" shift, biphobia rooted in HIV/AIDS-era fear, and the "why now / were you deceptive?" question. Then preparing, timing, and framing. Word of the Week is DADT; the mini-topic is bringing up fantasies.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Terms

• DADT (don't ask, don't tell) — an agreement not to disclose details of other relationships; often one partner has "permission" to explore while the other stays monogamous
• The two conversations — "I'm bi" (identity) and "I want to act on it" (acting on it); distinct, and the second doesn't automatically follow the first
• Kinsey scale — a 0–6 orientation scale; in his email Sam calls himself a 2 (predominantly heterosexual, more than incidentally homosexual)
• Dead bedroom — a relationship in which sexual activity has largely stopped
• Fluidity — orientation and tastes can shift over time

Links & resources

• Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? by Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan — on Amazon and Audible
• DADT explainers: Paige Bond and Non-Monogamy Help
• Fantasy/kink quizzes to take together: BDSMTest.org and Carnal Calibration

Next episode: Finding a Guy — apps and how to actually approach exploring bi desires in real life.

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" to have it read on the show; same address to be a guest). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Grayson walks through his path — a teenage sleepover fumble, an early fascination with nudity, and the college roommate he watched porn with, escalating from parallel jerking off to mutual to oral, all while both insisted they were straight in the early-'90s Bible Belt. From there: a complicated three-year relationship with a woman that enjoyed gay/bi porn, the Penthouse Forum letter that [SPOILER], early AOL and adult-theater hookups, and getting so tired of explaining how he was straight when he liked dicks that he finally landed on "yes, I am bi."

The back half is the coming-out arc: his wife coming out to him first, his own disclosure and her mixed initial reaction, years of chickening out, and the profile update about 18 months ago where he finally finished the job — plus the same-room agreements he and his wife built and where he's at now. Word of the Week is compersion; the mini-topic is threesomes and moresomes, fantasy vs. reality.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

• Compersion — joy caused by another person's happiness, especially seeing a partner enjoy another partner; often called the opposite of jealousy
• ENM / CNM — ethical / consensual non-monogamy; umbrella terms for openly agreed-on non-monogamous relationships
• Same-room / same-room-only — an agreement that any play with others happens with both partners present in the same room
• Vibe check — a low-pressure, in-person meet to gauge compatibility before anything physical
• MFM / MMF / MFF / MMM — threesome/moresome shorthand; the letters that touch indicate who plays with whom (MMF = the two men play; MFM = they don't)
• Hotdogging — simulating sex between the butt cheeks without penetration

• Multiamory — website, book, podcast, and Discord from Dedeker Winston, Emily Sotelo Matlack, and Jase Lindgren; book: Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships: https://www.multiamory.com
• Feeld — the ENM/kink/couples dating app Sam used for his MMF meet: https://feeld.co

Telling Your Partner — whether, when, and how to tell a partner you're bi, and the "I'm bi" vs. "I want to act on it" split. As Grayson's story shows, even with a partner who's also bi, it can still bring real anxiety.

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show — and if you'd like to come on as a guest, same address). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky. 

In this episode, Sam walks through his whole path — from a first, giggling encounter with a Playgirl magazine as a kid, through teenage confusion in a world that only offered "gay or straight" options, to the college girlfriend who finally handed him the word "bisexual." He talks candidly about early exploration, learning his boundaries, discovering men's masturbation clubs, his first kiss with a man, a three-year relationship, coming out to a future wife two weeks into dating, a long monogamous marriage, and rediscovering himself after divorce. Grayson listens, reacts, and draws out themes many Gen X bi men will recognize.

The second half gets practical: how fear of HIV/AIDS impacted a young bi Sam and how modern prevention methods (PrEP, DoxyPEP, and U=U) changed the picture, plus a frank, funny mini-topic on solo self-care (wink). Kicking off with the Word of the Week — "side" — this one is equal parts personal story and useful information.

Disclaimer: The hosts are not medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing in this podcast should be considered medical, legal, or psychological advice. Be sure to speak with a qualified provider about testing, medications, and your own health and relationships.

Terms

• Side — enjoys sex with men but generally neither tops nor bottoms (oral, mutual masturbation, making out)
• Top / bottom / verse — the three general "positions" you'll see on hook-up or gay dating apps, in addition to "side"
• The "What are you into" talk — the pre-meet compatibility conversation, generally between two men
• PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and DoxyPEP (doxycycline post-exposure prophylaxis) — doctor-prescribed medications for prevention of certain STIs
• U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) — a person who is HIV-positive but takes their medications and has an undetectable viral load
• Gooning / pup play — masturbation or puppy-acting play subcultures

Links & resources

Word of the Week
Dr. Joe Kort
Side Guys (book)
"Side Guys" Facebook group — search "Side Guys" on Facebook (Kort's group, ~9,000 members)

Sexual health (not medical advice — see your own provider)
CDC — HIV prevention and PrEP
CDC — DoxyPEP clinical guidance (2024)
Prevention Access Campaign (U=U)

Products mentioned
Aneros (prostate massagers)
Bator Balm
Pure Romance

Next episode: Grayson's Journey — a lot of overlap with Sam's, a lot of differences, and the promised college-girlfriend callback!

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Welcome to Bi Men Unfiltered, a podcast for today's curious and bisexual man, hosted by two older, wiser bi men who were once curious themselves. In this first episode, Sam and Grayson introduce the show, explain why it exists, and lay out the format: part information, part real experience, and unapologetically NSFW. They break down the word "bisexual" using Robyn Ochs' definition, get into the stigma bi men still face, and each share where they are today — Grayson, married 20+ years and ethically non-monogamous; Sam, recently divorced and solo poly. They close with the best parts of being bi, what they're each attracted to, connection versus anonymous hookups, and a first pass at their "fuck-it lists." Honest, funny, no shame, no stereotypes. Newly curious and still figuring things out? Start here.

Disclaimer: The hosts are not medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is medical, legal, or psychological advice. Speak with a qualified provider about testing, medications, and your own health.

Terms

• Bisexual (Robyn Ochs): "I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree."
• Bi cycle — a shift in attraction between genders over a short period
• Heteroromantic — romantic attraction to the opposite gender
• Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) — having more than one partner at a time, with everyone's knowledge and agreement
• Solo poly — multiple relationships while keeping your independence, not built around one primary partner
• Cruising — anonymous, low-context encounters, often in public spaces
• Sapiosexual / demisexual — Sam uses these loosely for needing a mental connection before physical interest
• Fuck-it list — a sexual bucket list

Links & resources

Robyn Ochs
r/bisexualmen (and Discord)
r/bisexual
Grindr
Sniffies
Match
CDC — HIV prevention and PrEP
CDC — DoxyPEP guidance (2024)
Sex Positions Club

Next episode: Sam's Bi Journey — from the earliest questioning to where he is now.

Connect with us: Email [email protected] with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" if we can read it on the show). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.

Bi Men Unfiltered is a place for honest conversation about discovering yourself and what it means to be a modern bisexual man. Discussion ranges from thoughtful and hilarious to unfiltered and NSFW raunchy as the hosts explore sex, dating, attraction, and the realities of being a bi guy. Join Sam and Grayson as they talk about identity, relationships and community—all with the authenticity of two guys who have lived it. No shame, no stereotypes, just real conversations—heartfelt and hot.