I got an email with some tips in it. And one of the tips was to know your way of sabotaging yourself. And I thought it was kind of funny because the other day I decided that I really need to start consciously sabotaging myself sabotaging the whole life that I've built in preparation for taking off to California for a little while. And part of it's because it seems like this bipolar energy wants to destroy it was experiencing a lot of so called anxiety around my job. And then something else happened that gave me more anxiety on top of the job thing, and, and I feel like that something else happening was actually to give me more anxiety in order to see that the path I was headed down wasn't good, because I hadn't really been able to see that. And it also showed me some of my weaknesses. And so I have been feeling a lot of energy going through my body, and some of it has been quite painful. So I can't really say that it's fun. And I also feel though, that by not really labeling it bad or good. If I've labeled it bad, it's going to make it it's going to make it worse, or it's going to make it fearful. And that's when I feel like it's possible that those other fearful thoughts and associations can come in. So I've just been sitting with it in terms of the feeling of the energy of it. And not really making up any stories about it. So it passes. And then it comes back. Today I went out and I got myself some EMP. It's something that one has to be careful taking well taking psych meds because it can sort of make one overmedicated in a way. least that's what they say. Especially with lithium, and that's what I'm taking. But I figure that since I'm I used to be taking a mineral supplement, just to use it up it was like a kelp based mineral supplement. And then when I ran out of that I was taking some minerals in the form of Sheila G, which is that black tar looking stuff. And I would just put it in my yerba Mattei a tea. And I ran out of that. And since then I haven't had like a multi mineral of any kind of had. I do take zinc and magnesium. But I haven't had a broad spectrum supplement. And they're in pretty small doses. But since I've been experiencing so called symptoms, then I would think that my medication isn't really quite working to its full degree because the stress I've experienced is extra stress. So that's why I'm going to take this just one a day. I also had to research today, psych wards in California to be prepared if that happens when I'm in California, and would probably cost me close to 10 grand. So I'm really hoping that doesn't happen. But at the same time, I don't think it will. So I'm willing to take that risk. I was wanting to drive down there in my old car but my family is really not liking that idea because it'll be winter time. So I have to figure out if I'll just take a train or a plane and try and get a car down there something because I don't really want to be in the sort of secluded area I'll be in without a car. Today I also took back my sharps container had a big container of used syringes because I used to inject b 12 until I found out that that wasn't the best kind of B 12 for me My naturopath, I did that DNA test through 23andme. And he told me to take the other kind of B 12, which is hydroxy b 12. For me, specifically, everybody's individual, of course. So it's really interesting to me whenever I think I'm doing something good for myself, but it turns out that I'm really not. And I think though that at the same time, there's somewhat of a placebo effect of if I'm doing something good for myself, or at least I think I am, then maybe it does some good because at least, I'm attempting to care about myself. And the placebo, I feel a lot of it is actually the underlying gesture of love and caring that is what causes the positive change, not necessarily what is in the pill, or what is done in surgery. So if there was any kind of bad effect from actually doing that to myself, it's possible, it was partly n