“True happiness, we are told, consists in getting out of one’s self; but the point is not only to get out — you must stay out; and to stay out you must have some absorbing errand.” Henry James

What is true happiness? How many people have found it? What percentage of our population lives in true happiness?

I have only glimpsed it and grabbed ahold of it for moments, maybe a few days at a time, but True Happiness is something I continually strive for. Henry James had it right in my opinion — to have true happiness — we must get out of ourselves first and then figure out how to stay out.

One of the best-selling books of all-time, The Purpose Driven Life, begins with the line, “It’s not about you.”

The reason we have functioning bodies, the ability to love, empathize, and give is because we were made for others. Isolation and self-absorption are dangerous; they are a recipe for self-destruction.

The hardest criminals on the planet are placed in solitary confinement and kept from human contact for two reasons: they are a dangerous and because a lack of human contact is painful. To be in isolation is a very real form of torture because it keeps us from what we were made for, others.

Giving ourselves to others is the first part of Henry James’ statement; the second is having an ‘absorbing errand.’

What is an absorbing errand? It’s simply a purpose, passion, or mission greater than ourselves. It’s a personal striving that enriches those around us. If we can find our purpose, our fulfillment takes care of itself — our true happiness is a byproduct of doing what makes us come alive.

“True happiness, we are told, consists in getting out of one’s self; but the point is not only to get out — you must stay out; and to stay out you must have some absorbing errand.” Henry James

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“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s. Their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde

When struck with this statement, the question immediately came to mind, is this true of my life? To find out I inverted the statement:

Most people are themselves. Their thoughts are uniquely their own. Their lives are original, their passions a reality.

When I tested myself against these two opposites, I asked, which I’m closer to?

This is a worthy exercise that can help us test the truth and authenticity in our lives. Are we being who we want to be? Are we who we were meant to be? Or, are we trying to become a version of acceptable or ideal?

“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us.” Which are you living? Whose thoughts are you thinking? Who are you mimicking? What unlived life are you avoiding?

“Know thyself” is a philosophical maxim that was inscribed upon the Temple of Apollo in Greece in the 5th century BC. It was by thinking, questioning, and exploring that the Greeks invented drama, philosophy, democracy, and Western civilization to name a few significant contributions.

Questioning and exploring ourselves is one of the most worthy pursuits of life. I hope these Bits of Wisdom help you along the journey of knowing yourself.

Remember, Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s. Their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

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“Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.” Anonymous

What’s caging you? What have you been born into that’s limiting you? When I first discovered this quote, it hit me hard because I was born into an ideology that still affects me today. The process of being born and raised in an ideology is often referred to as domestication.

It’s important to understand that most of us are born and raised in some form of domestication. Governments, religion, education, clubs, cliques, and cults all carry belief systems their subjects are encouraged to adopt, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad; these systems become laws we live by. They can limit us and even cage us.

I recently took an acting class led by Christopher Tramantana, a professor at the NYU Tish School of Drama. Professor Tramantana teaches ‘clown’ among other forms of drama, but he is most interested in the ‘clown character.’ He shared why.

The clown is the ultimate creator; the unlived self. The clown has no shame, which is why he’s free to create.

His statement got me thinking about the boxes life tries to put us in and the way we willingly allow it, and even assist at times so that we can ‘fit in.’

When we begin to realize we’ve been domesticated, and on some level born in a cage, we can make adjustments to help free ourselves and begin exploring our unlived lives, begin trying new things, and gain our wings to fly.

Remember, Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.

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“Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it.” Charles Bukowski

Millions of people are drowning today, millions died yesterday and last week, and hundreds of millions in past years. Why? Because they were at war with themselves and didn't know how to overcome the battle within.

Bad luck, fate, karma, or something else has a way of barreling down on us at times. I recently met a man who suffered from a tree falling on his head. He was placed in a medically induced coma and underwent multiple surgeries to repair the damage; this took place over many months as he healed. I later found out it happened when he was bull-dozing trees. Was this man struck with misfortune or mistake? Who will ever know?

The misfortune we feel we’ve suffered is often no more than a series of bad decisions: to take another drink, or risk, or massage our pride or self-righteousness. These poor choices build up and eventually life reacts, and the choices avalanche upon us.

If we maintain a victim mentality, we will have a tendency to look at life as unfair or even chalk consequences up as bad luck, but the thinking person will see that life is an accumulation of choices that either pay off or bankrupt us. Of course, there is a middle ground, but this message is for the person suffering for seemingly no reason, unaware they are drowning themselves.

There is a common maxim in acting that states, “Never play the victim. It’s the weakest choice.” The same is true for reality.

Victims seem to have tragedy in their blood.

The man who left us the opening quote knows about drowning. He was an alcoholic, an abuser, and an all-around bad human until he realized at some point that:

“Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it.”

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“Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” Seneca

There’s great power locked up in this small statement. We should ask ourselves often, where are we headed? In what direction is our life pointed? What goal or dream or pursuit have we undertaken?

If someone were to ask, ‘What’s your major aim this year,’ could you answer? If we cannot answer this simple question, we may be lost in our direction.

A person without an aim to her life, is likely to end up adrift on a sea of distraction. We can get lost on a sea of distraction for years before we know what’s happened.

The wonderful thing about having an aim for our life, is even if we miss our target, we are closer than when we started, and when we look back, we see progress and purposeful ambition; this is fulfilling in and of itself.

Without a definite aim, it’s hard to see progress. Without an aim, our life begins to wander, and before we know it, we’ve wasted one of the finite resources we have.

Time and tide wait for no man.

One of the best ways to resolve this issue and find a definite aim, is to create one. You can develop a life mission, vision, and purpose statement, and these will give you something to point your life at. They can act as a compass when you become adrift.

Having a vision statement in life gives us a guide to navigate the myriad of distractions and pitfalls that often take us away from our purpose and prevent us from living a life of significance.

I’ll leave you with an example—my life vision statement. This small statement has helped me stay on track, especially when life has gotten tough and I felt discouraged.

Inspire those I love and the world through my faith, creativity, and writing.

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“Anything real begins with the fiction of what could be. Imagination is therefore the most potent force in the universe, and a skill you can get better at. It’s the one skill in life that benefits from ignoring what everyone else knows.” Kevin Kelly

When was the last time you used your imagination? Did you know there’s power locked up in it? Power to invent, to bring ideas to life. Believe it or not, your imagination has the power to change the world, maybe not the entire world, but don’t count that out. It’s been done before by the likes of Jobs and Disney to name a few; your imagination certainly has the power to change your corner of the world, and maybe more.

Has someone else’s imagination changed your world, even if it was temporary? Have you been engulfed in the fictitious world of Harry Potter or Lord of The Rings? Have you slipped into the world of The Avengers in the last few years, or maybe you’re a little more sophisticated and enjoy being transported to the mid-1900s while watching The Crown.

The magical moment for me was when I watched E.T. the Extra Terrestrial for the first time. I was completely captivated by Steven Spielberg’s magical world for ninety minutes. Afterward, I had a desire to search for my own Extra Terrestrial.

Before television, families and friends would gather around the radio in order to escape into a different world. Before radio, we relied on books and theatre to tantalize our imaginations.

Leaving reality and escaping into someone else’s fictitious world is one of America’s greatest pastimes. This is the power of imagination; don’t discount it, and don’t forget that you have this power.

I’ll leave you with something uttered by the inventor of the theory of relativity, a man who had a profound impact on all of us, someone regarded as a genius of the 20th century. Albert Einstein left us with this simple statement,

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” 

Remember, anything real begins with the fiction of what could be. Imagination is therefore the most potent force in the universe, and a skill you can get better at. It’s the one skill in life that benefits from ignoring what everyone else knows.

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“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.” Carl Jung

It’s the beauty and poignancy of well-constructed thoughts like Jung’s that have the power to inspire—to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness. It’s powerful ideas like this that inspired me to become a writer.

Jung’s statement holds both simplicity and sophistication, which makes it poignant and pregnant with depth. Leonardo da Vinci’s statement, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication,” rings true.

But what is the darkness of mere being? Without direction or purpose, we fall into stasis, a sort of directionless humdrum. It’s a painful state that many suffer from.

Mere being is a given; it takes relatively no energy to maintain it, and therefore, it is a sort of purposeless existence. If we are merely being, we know it, and this knowing has the ability to drag us into a sort of depressed paralysis.

But when we have meaning, everything changes. When we have a purpose, our entire outlook on life shifts. We see sparks of genius all around us. Meaning perpetuates an internal drive that ignites activity, a self-generating force that’s undeniable. Those with purpose feel it, and those around them see it. Those with meaning are motivated to continue whatever it is they are seeking.

When we have meaning and purpose, the path appears before us; we are no longer lost; instead, we are spurred along the journey, a sort of self-fulfilling destiny.

If you are in a state of mere being, study these words and make it your mission to find purpose. You’ll notice that even the searching will fuel you and inspire those around you. It will imbue you with life.

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.

Have you enjoyed this writing? Share it with someone who might benefit from it.

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“The canvas is its own reward.” Steven Pressfield

This tiny quote comes from the book, The War of Art. It’s a book I’ve recommended and given away more than any other. I own the physical book but also have the audiobook, which I’ve listened to more than fifty times.

Just last week a friend sent me this message.

Terry, thank you so much for recommending The War of Art! I finished it yesterday … what a motivating book!

My reply to him was…

I’m so glad it spoke to you. It is pretty wild, I was listening to the audio version of the book today.

I tell you all of this to say the book has had a profound impact on my life. It’s helped me write five books, a screenplay, and complete many other creative works.

Here’s the point. If you have a desire to do something creative, the way you view that creative act is just as important, if not more important, than the actual creating. This truth extends to all acts of creativity.

The canvas, as Steve says, is the reward. The act of doing can usher in the reward if we view it in the right context. If we change our focus to the creation, instead of the finished product, we can realize the immense benefits of being a creator.

Prolific artists understand this.

“Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow.” Kurt Vonnegut

I hope this encouragement speaks to you, and helps you take one more step in your creative journey.

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“Your thoughts construct patterns like scaffolding in your mind. You are really etching chemical patterns. In most cases, people get stuck in those patterns just like grooves on a record and they never get out of them.” Steve Jobs

Herein lies the power and danger of our minds. When something significant happens in life, patterns are etched into our psyche. It could be meeting our first love or losing her. It could be a traumatic event or a celebration. And it can be something as small as someone we respect telling us we’ll never succeed.

These types of significant events leave marks on us, and if we are not aware of their power, we might replay them in our minds until permanence sets in.

Think back to your childhood, to a time someone you respected said something to you that’s stayed with you for more than a decade. This is the power of words; it’s how they can etch patterns into our minds.

It’s important to realize we hold this same power. The things we say to others have the power to cut them down or build them up. We get to choose. But, what most fail to realize is we have the same ability to etch patterns into our minds. The power to face ourselves in a mirror and repeat something every day until we begin to believe it and then act accordingly.

Jim Carey’s story is a powerful example. In 1985, he wrote himself a check for 10 million dollars. In the memo line he wrote ‘For Acting Services Rendered.’ He post-dated the check for 10 years later, hung on to it, and referenced it often. In 1994, he was cast in the hit movie Dumb and Dumber.

Can you guess how much he was paid for that role? If you guessed 10 million, you’re correct. Our minds hold more power than we know. We can etch patterns into our thinking if we are proactive with this power. This can be a very positive thing.

So remember, your thoughts construct patterns like scaffolding in your mind. You are really etching chemical patterns. In most cases, people get stuck in those patterns just like grooves on a record and they never get out of them.

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“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” Mandy Hale

The pain of not belonging usually begins in the heart. It’s a signal to move that we ignore until misery begins to set in. When we ignore the signal, pain begins to manifest; it sometimes shows up as anger or frustration, and it often leads to an inevitable end.

I remember the feeling of being stuck many times in my past. It began as a slow realization that I was in an environment I could no longer serve, and one that could no longer serve me. I could not fix this feeling, it was something in my gut or heart telling me it was time to go, and I waited too long, but eventually left.

When this realization settles in, it is time to begin looking for what’s next because your happiness and future potential depend on your courage to go.

Change is scary. Unknowns are pervasive and frightening, so it’s good to look back at survey all the times we have gone hungry or were without shelter. Most will realize, that the instances are few, or non-existent. This can give us the necessary courage to move and make a necessary change. It is also important to know that growth is impossible without change.

One way to look at this change is by viewing our life as a story, with each phase being a chapter. We will never know exactly how the book ends, but we can decide to end one chapter and begin another when we feel the time is right.

This is necessary for growth and it’s the only way to become a co-author of our destiny. So remember, growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

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