A few months after we split, I asked my ex (who I was and still am good friends with), “I never have mood swings, do I?”

He couldn’t answer me because he was laughing so hard.

What a massive blind spot.

I can only conclude that I must have thought the circumstances were just that bad for a few days every month. For my entire adult life.

Sometimes, we have to rely on strikes of epiphany or the insight of others to see things that we need to see.

It’s not always easy.

I was at coffee with a friend of mine whom I respect greatly and I asked him to point out a blind spot. When he did, I got defensive.

Isn’t that interesting?

Even when I had asked for it, when it was pointed out, I was trying to argue that it wasn’t there.

There was also the time when I knew I wanted to be healthier but I ignored all of signals around me. I didn’t weigh myself. I didn’t count cigarettes. I didn’t count drinks. I didn’t even try to exercise.

The issue was that the path to making it better felt impossible.

When we’re trying to make a change, it starts with what if rather than how. We need hope and belief more than we need a plan.

If you have a clear plan, then you need to do the work to believe (a) that you can do it and (b) nothing can stop you from doing it.

And that’s up to you to find.

If we know we’re ignoring a difficult reality, it’s really up to us to do everything in our power to face it.

What worked for me? I hung out with people who were healthy, who didn’t smoke, who worked out. I listened to audio books and podcasts of people who were healthy and, more importantly, who had become healthy. Eventually, I identified as someone who was on their way.