Your sleepy boys in blue shake the sand out of their eyes and talk Sunday afternoon's grim little outing against a visiting Minnesota. A 2-1 loss humbled our Boys in Blue and Jake & Trey will break it all down for you, including the a-Limits of Alonso, the cut-inside revival developing in the offense, the virtues and vices of 40th-minute subs, and the bright spots in an otherwise bleak April outing. PLUS: hot stove on Kevin De Bruyne, other roster chats, USWNT recaps, and a laser focus on Philadelphia as our 24 hour mourning period comes to a close. Zip off those cargo pant legs — you've got Blue Balls.

It certainly was a game that happened, Blue Ballers. Jake and Trey take their reluctant seats to try and figure out what the fuck happened in the 3-4 loss to Atlanta’s Five Stripes that looked, for all intents and purposes, like a 3-1 victory was imminent. We talk direct action in the first 45, turning point moments, fault analysis, cool heads and hotheads, and wonder where we go from here. Then: some check-ins on other leagues and other sports to get the taste out of our mouths. Plus: a recap for Sunday evening dinner. Will we have roast Loon on the plate, or will we get iced by Minnesota nice? Start ironing the crotch on your Sunday finest — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Your boys in blue are back to break down a toothless away match against Columbus. We talk teenage wastelands, Freese finesse, Wolf woes, Bakrar PTSD, and much more. Plus, the griping continues with a less-than-inspiring performance from the supposedly ascendant USMNT in the Concacaf Nations, and Malachi Jones continues his slow mend. And: a cheekly precap of an Atlanta United determined to prove their best days aren't behind them. Don't let your behind best you — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue ballers, we're back and we're keeping it a buck reviewing our 3-goal, 2-1 victory over the Revs at Yankee Stadium. Jake & Trey talk the perennially underrated Keaton Parks, Martinez' most recent clinical finish in front of goal, the dawn (?) of Julian, and much more. Plus: vibe checks in the guts of Yankee Stadium, Outfield reports on a different big bird headed to NYCFC, and the eerie quiet of a drumless supporter's section. Then: a quick n' dirty precap of a Crew that's looking primed for a rebuild season — but call us Sluggo because no matter what, Nancy still poses a threat. Strap on your safety goggles — you've got Blue Balls.

This was the day we truly became Season Eleven, Blue Ballers. Jake and Trey can't help themselves — your boys in blue devote the WHOLE episode to a man-by-man and play-by-play unpacking of the 2-1 victory over Orlando in NYCFC's tenth-anniversary home opener. It was a game of generations; we chat MOTM Johnny Shore's ascendance, the indispensability of the invisibly geriatric Maxi Moralez, Kevin's Toole Time Takedown and the subsequent ten minutes of white knuckles, and we don't even get to Matt Freese's ice cold toes that left the home side with a sweet three points. THEN: a tidy little precap of New England. Will Carles Gil be our boys' achilles heel? Or will Johnny Shore Up The Defense once again? Get your Nuts 4 Nuts ready — you've got Blue Balls.

Are you having déjâ vu, Blue Ballers? A late-night last-minute goal stole points off NYCFC's plate and your boys Jake and Trey are here to recap it. We talk depth and DPs, Tayvon troubles, butterfly effects, min-maxing when we're missing Maxi, and much much more. Plus: week 2 MLS recaps, merch mishigas, and a blast from the past as we talk about the inevitable ten-year-anniversary flashbacks and the players who until now have gone mostly... unreferenced. And finally, a quick home opener precap in advance of a matchup against expansion sister side Orlando. Don't wave your cane at anyone too hard this week, Al Green — you've got Blue Balls.

We're back, blue bitches, for Season Eleven! Jake and Trey, your boys in blue, are so excited to talk to you about NYCFC's season opener that we're pinching ourselves in the neck to make sure we're not dreaming! We break down every white-knuckled moment of NYCFC's draw against eleven ten of Miami's finest, including the cards that were and the cards that weren't, the beginning of Alonso Martinez' golden boot pursuit, the Gulf of Messi Goals, Mitja's Cristian mission, Jansen's first chjances at NYCFC glory, and the holes in the roster we long desperately to fill. Plus a check-in with the rest of the league, debates on the finer points of NYC bike regulation, and Trey's first sexy little precap of the year for west-coast titans LAFC. Tread carefully if you've already got one yellow card: you've got Blue Balls.

Y'all ready for season eleven? Your Boys in Blue are, and that's why they've given you a preseason double-size episode before the era of Jansen and the wide open mystery of NYCFC 2025 starts to reveal itself! Jake and Trey talk about the Saintis Marching Out, some preseason-based predictions, and of course a riotous round of over/under action, with some Miami mental prep as a chaser. Make sure you've cleared any pre-existing conditions — you've got Blue Balls.

Did you miss us, blue ballers? We've been storing up off-season news like nuts in a squirrel's cheeks, and we're finally ready to spill our delicious hoard out for all of you starving soccer fans. Jake & Trey break down the banner news: the hiring of Pascal Jansen as new NYCFC Top Dog. Will this dutchman fly us to victory? Or will we sink like so many stroopwafels dumped into the canal? PLUS: Sands and McFarlane off to Europe, superdraft stories, homegrown heroes, and some early early predictions for 2025. We can see what's going on underneath that puffer coat: you've got Blue Balls!

Part 2 of 2! Jake and Trey rejoin to discuss senseless Superdraft suggestions, hot stove(r) hypotheticals, and of course to tally up the points from our top-of-season predictions to see who gets the coveted Chipotle Aluminum Wrap Trophy. Reminiscences on one of the weirdest seasons in club history abound. Whil out your scorecards: you’ve got Blue Balls.