Welcome to Find Your Colors. Through this publication and podcast we are discussing the Shards of Color Trilogy and currently, we are working our way through the first book of that trilogy titled BLUSH BORN.

I am Jeff B. White and I'm the writer and creator of this trilogy. Find Your Colors allows me to present the fantasy story within Blush Born as well as its sequels A Faded Quest and Echoes of Foreshadow.

I am dissecting the psychological concepts that are present within the narrative as well as sharing how I have turned my own personal story of struggling and survival into this dark fairy tale.

Recap

On Monday we read through Chapter 11 Without Color, and we discussed the insidious nature of gaslighting and psychological manipulation. We saw enter into this village where he met an individual named Nimrah Yaga. We also discussed the lateral harm present within the gay community. Now we come to Chapter 12 Born with Color, where we see Jethran awaken in that same Village as a new person has arrived.

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The Breakdown

Narratively, this chapter serves a few specific purposes. I could have concluded the village sequence right there where he got through that moment, ending it all in one succinct chapter. But I truly wanted to show how the effects of gaslighting and psychological manipulation last far longer than they ever should. Very often, we finally find our way out of a toxic situation long after we should have left, so I wanted his confusion to last an extra beat or two longer than comfortable.

The significance of the blue-haired woman showing up and him witnessing her manipulation is deeply rooted in reality.

So often we will be in the midst of something terrible happening to us and we are simply unable to look at our own lives or see how we are being victimized. But when we witness that exact same abuse happening to another person, it is almost instantaneous that we want to step in and do something, even when we refuse to do that for ourselves.

I am the absolute king of neglecting myself in certain areas, but when I see the exact same thing happening to someone else, I will immediately react and jump in to see that they are safe and taken care of. Yet I just do not do that for myself.

This is also the chapter where Jethran finally releases a new color, and the color red is intimately tied to his memory and the past. Having him come to this lesson and realize that his memories are the only things he truly owns is vital because they are the only things people cannot take away from him. When you are a victim of psychological manipulation and warfare and gaslighting, the main thing people try their absolute best to take from you is your memory and your own recollection of events. In essence, they are taking your own self away to replace your inner narrative with the fictional story they give you. In this way, him breaking through the damage he faced in that village through the realization of his own power was a vital portion of this chapter. It was very important to me to convey that thought clearly.

So then we have him make his way back to the gravesite where he buried his mother. As he finally begins to mourn her and mourn all of the things that have happened to him, his raw emotions affect the weather yet again. It happens so suddenly that he never truly notices it. From sheer exhaustion, he simply passes out in the rain.

Enter Fable

That is when the story changes forever and we meet the character of Fable. Fable comes in with this loud trumpet blast of a voice, waking Jethran up and immediately trying to clean him up.

As I have explained before, Fable is directly based on a real person I know named Jullian. In my memoir, I describe him in a chapter titled Jullian and the Blue Rose as a six-foot-five whirlwind of energy who is theatrically absurd, a borderline narcissist Golden Retriever mix with a heart of gold, and the human embodiment of a glitter bomb exploding in a synagogue. He is a pain in the ass who stumbled into my life like a hurricane in a yarmulke, leaving a trail of sparkle and chaos in his wake. He has a tall, lanky frame topped with Disney prince eyes and a cartoonish smile, and he always seems perpetually on the verge of either a graceful pirouette or a clumsy pratfall.

In my memoir I describe him as a cleaning fairy who I summon with a candle. I literally have had more times than I can count… and I've tested it to see if it works and it does every time… I take a blue candle and I carve his name into it say a few words light it and then within 24 to 48 hours he has arrived with a pizza in his hand and ready to tackle whatever problem it is that I've called him for with a smile.

Yet we clash in quite a few ways. Spiritually, I am a witch and he is a devout Jew. He is also a gay person of color who happens to be a Trump-supporting Republican, and he uses far-right talking points as normal everyday banter. When I was writing my memoir, Shards of Hope A Tweaker Witch's Journey, he actually told me I might want to work on the title because the word witch could be off-putting or alienate some readers by activating people's sensitivities, but was unfazed by the rest of the title.

Yet despite how many times I have gotten rid of him in my life, he has always come back and he always comes bearing gifts. He has brought me flowers more than any other man ever has, and there is a form of true love there. It is in no way sexual or romantic. It’s almost like a little brother in the sense that the way I react to him is exactly how I imagine my older sister reacts to me. It is a very personal and profound ick.

But he is fiercely loyal and incredibly supportive, and he senses exactly when I need a shoulder or a distraction from the darkness. Despite our massive differences, we share a deep understanding of each other's pain. We are both survivors navigating addiction, trauma, and the struggle for acceptance in a world that often feels incredibly hostile. Jullian is also my first subscriber who is on the Prism Tier, which is what I named my Founding Member tier here on Substack.

In later chapters, more will be revealed about Fable and his inspiration. It was vital to me that I had someone who was a true foil for Jethran. I needed someone who did not automatically agree with him, someone who challenged him, and someone he could go back and forth with regarding this new belief structure he's forging in his life.

Fable parroting the Uncrowned King's propaganda perfectly shows how oppressive systems survive by convincing the oppressed to police themselves and attack their own kin. It so often happens in the real world where people of marginalized communities are conditioned to hate themselves and hate others, perpetuating the very systems that keep us in these situations.

Fable shuts down Jethran’s valid, righteous anger because, despite Jethran having every reason to be furious, it is viewed as presenting negativity. This is a perfect metaphor for how people often demand that victims suffer quietly and politely, because anything real makes them uncomfortable. This is also a direct manifestation of the real person Fable is based on. In moments when I have been rightfully angry at Jullian for something he did that he absolutely should not have, it is not out of character for him to suddenly throw back that I am being unnecessarily negative just for speaking up and setting boundaries.

As for some of the linguistic tics that Fable has, one of them is the phrase "Oh sugar." It took me multiple times reading this chapter out loud before I could record it without laughing because I had never heard myself say it in the exact same tone that both Fable and Jullian use. It is a direct quote straight out of Jullian's mouth that I thought fit this character so incredibly well. It actually becomes much more of a cultural thing later on as we meet other people of his race. Each Silvarii has their own version of this exclamation. One might say "Oh pencils" or "Oh snacks" or "Oh sparkles" when they are angry or startled.

The final word Fable says before he leaves is "Malan zat." This is again taken from real-life inspiration. When Jullian is confronted with something he said or did and a point of finality enters the situation, he very often replies by saying "Mazel tov." It is extremely annoying and it always ends the conversation. I gave that exact tactic to Fable to use whenever he wants to abruptly end a conversation.

While most of the characters in my book who are based on a real person have been given an anagram of their name, Fable's naming came about differently. Initially in my memoir, I was not going to use anyone else's real names, and for the portion Jullian was in, I had decided to give him the pseudonym Fabbian. I have since changed that, and people's real names are now in the book if they have signed off on it. But that initial pseudonym helped when I was creating the character of Fable. Since I described Jullian in my book as a fairy whom I summoned by lighting a candle, I thought how simple and easy it would be to just make him into a literal fairy since this is a fantasy world.

Of course, I later decided to rename the entire fairy race and call them the Silvarii. Doing so allowed me to utilize the word fairy as a pejorative within the story. This works so incredibly well because it is already a derogatory homophobic term in the real world, and getting to use it in that way for the narrative serves a huge purpose. If you think about it in the real world, using that term to insult someone is ridiculous because fairies are powerful, magical, beautiful creatures of light and joy. How is that even an insult? But it plays beautifully in the story because I get to use that term alongside the term Flaw in place of the actual f****t, which is a very necessary thing to ground the reality of their oppression.

As you will see if you keep reading along with me, Fable becomes an integral part of the story. He is quite simply a character the narrative could not exist without. He is the most important figure in this book outside of Jethran, and I am just so incredibly grateful that I discovered him. He has changed my life in ways that I cannot possibly convey and I truly cannot wait for the world to find him. So if you are listening right now, thanks again, Jullian.

Let's Discuss

This chapter explores the profound clarity that comes from stepping outside the fog of manipulation and the jarring reality of toxic positivity.

* Have you ever experienced a moment where witnessing someone else being mistreated finally opened your eyes to your own situation?

Fable is someone who will eventually grow into a person who seriously supports Jethran to their dying days, but it's through his need for connection after having lost the most important person that he decides to give Fable a chance.

* Do you have a Fable or a Jullian in your life?

* How do you navigate complicated relationships with people who relentlessly challenge your patience but also fiercely support you?

Feel free to answer these questions right here in the comment section, or you can simply take them with you as you go.

What's Next?

On Monday, we will dive into a complete read-through and discussion on Chapter 13 of BLUSH BORN, titled Storming Colors. We will see Jethran encounter another one of the Seven Songs and learn a valuable lesson on anger.

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