Welcome to Find Your Colors. I am Jeff B. White, and I am the author of the Shards of Color Trilogy.

Find Your Colors is a Substack publication and Spotify podcast through which I am breaking down the psychological concepts that are present within the trilogy, and I explain the true story that inspired the first book in the Shards of Color Trilogy, which is titled BLUSH BORN.

Blush Born is a work of speculative fiction that tells a dystopian fairy tale about a boy who is too vibrant for the world he was born in, so he has no choice but to change that world.

Last week, I shared Chapter 7, where we saw Jethran being marched back to the city by his mandated hereman, Martier. Jethran finally released years of pent-up anger and frustration that he had been holding against Martier for nearly his entire life. We also got a glimpse as Jethran began to display some unique aspects of his power.

This week we are talking about Chapter 8, where he has arrived at the Uncrowned Fortress and is going to stand trial for his crimes.

The Breakdown

An Outlet in the Dark

So, you may have recognized some possible inspiration for some of these characters. When I was trying to think of who would be the best antagonist for this story, I decided I wanted an ensemble. I wanted someone to match the Seven Songs by creating their opposites. I also wanted to have a moment of pure satirical social commentary to release some of the angst that I have personally built up over the state of affairs of this nation and the world that we’re living in right now. It’s been a frustrating couple of years, and I was able to create this mytho-political landscape that directly speaks to the way things are today.

I also wanted to create someone who was the antithesis of Jethran. Someone who held the opposite of hope and was afraid of his emotions and afraid of the color. As I was trying to draft his specific voice, I decided to pull from real-life inspiration. The creation of the Uncrowned King came into being when I was watching the No Kings Protest that occurred directly after the 2024 election. I had also recently read the Project 2025 manifesto.

For me, I was reading a blueprint of a man who was trying to manufacture his own kingship in our modern world. At the time, there was nothing scarier I could possibly imagine than that. So, I decided to write that into the story.

This is a man who is a leader because he uses propaganda and deceit to control and manipulate the people. He’s created a system of punishment and silencing that forces people to either be too afraid or too complacent to speak up. Because it’s been this way for so long, no one wants to change it, no one thinks they can. This man is the logical conclusion of what happens when we allow our emotions and our free thought to be criminalized.

The Architects of the Order

I had to think of who it is that would allow someone like this to go into power, and that’s when I thought of the Big Aughts. I felt that they needed to be a governing body who is completely disconnected from everyone.

I also considered it would be a necessity to have three main players who are the highest level in the land. These are three of the most disconnected, most absurdist characters in the entire series. They’re all pretty self-explanatory. They all involve fully uneven rule, completely out of touch with who they are representing, and ill-informed.

The Yoke of Youth is so far detached from anything close to being young that she has no concept of what those people need. She is a commentary on our laws being written by ancient people who have no concept of our world and a commentary on how over 20% of American lawmakers are over 70 years old.

The Author of Autonomy was the linchpin of the whole group. He was actually the first of the political side of this story who I immediately thought of and wanted to reate because I wanted to provide commentary on the concept of men in politics who feel the need to legislate the uterus. I just severely wanted to that be a part of this story. Because it is something that I truly find to be an extreme issue that we're faced with today that brings the rights of women to a point of debating their right to proper medical care and in doing so debating their right to live. I find that to be disgusting.

No matter what your opinion is or may be on reproductive rights, I seriously invite you to educate yourself on the services and medical care that Planned Parenthood offers before you align yourself with the belief that they are an organization that does not need to exist.

As well I feel that a mature understanding of the anti-abortion laws that have been recently put into play is necessary for all adults. I do not plan on having a child nor I do plan on having an abortion, however I also do not plan on taking away this very necessary procedure, nor do I support a denial of access to cancer screenings and medical necessities that are offered to women in need through Planned Parenthood.

There are laws that the Author of Autonomy enacts regarding the wem and what they are required to do with their bodies that actually affect the world for decades to come in very surprising ways that I never could have foreseen when I created this character. The entire plot of the fourth book which takes place thirty years after the events of this chapter is answering for the crimes of Author of Autonomy.

Then we have the Arbiter of Aging who is, however, my favorite character out of this entire story across all three books. And he’s my favorite for a lot of reasons. First, he is actually based on a person I know named Jullian. This is an individual who is named in my memoir and, ironically, is also the inspiration behind the character of Fable, whom we meet later in this book.

Fable is the perfect counter-balance to Jethran in all ways. Among the people who have read the books, Fable is the favorite. He is a standout character and is actually at times treated as if he is the star of the series. Which is fine. I translated my life story into a fairy tale in which I'm not even the star of it, but Jullian is. And that is the most accurate translation of my life that will ever exist. The relationship that is forged between Jethran and Fable is something that I find literally to be one of the most inspiring things I’ve ever read. Anytime I'm in a chapter with them and their love and having their relationship being at the forefront I am in tears the entire time. I’m amazed to see that these characters ever lived inside me and that I created them.

What’s even more amazing is that Fable himself is also based on that person Jullian, because Jullian is not in any form or fashion someone I would ever consider the thought of having feelings of love towards in any capacity. I was completely smacked down when I realized that Fable and Jethran were heading towards romance and this version of an iconic love story that I honestly can’t wait for people to read.

The Arbiter of Aging and Fable were created on the same day but it was after I began writing these characters that I started to realize that the Arbiter already naturally hinted at the characterization of Jullian. So I began to write him as the shadow of Fable making these two characters polar opposites of each other. To where I wrote the character of the Arbiter from a point of view of, “What would Fable do or say in this situation, and let the Arbiter do the exact opposite.” Because that is who they are actually based on.

Fable does exist on a foundation that carries quite a bit of Jullian’s well insulated and protected heart in his DNA, his also shares some of the same painful backstory as Jullian. As well his entire race of people have a lot of the similar traditionalist views as Jullian. Conversely, the Arbiter exists with a level of self-centered detachment that speaks more directly towards the manner in which Jullian presents himself as a person. It's highly fictionalized, but containing the same depth.

While I do not believe Jullian himself has ever been responsible for any genocides, that I'm aware of, I also don't believe he's ever spoken out against one.

In my memoir, I describe Julian as a golden retriever narcissist mix, with Disney prince eyes and a heart of gold. But you know, it's the kind of gold that gets that green stuff on your fingers when it gets wet. And while there will be a much deeper exploration of Fable later, he was given the golden retriever heart gold aspects and the sugar. While the Arbiter received the narcissistic stain portions of Jullian. They both got the height and the theatricality as well as the Disney prince eyes. And by making these characters be the same character told in complete shadow of each other, I created two highly memorable characters who are, in their own ways, both an absolute force on the page.

Also, Jullian himself is one of the five people who provided inspiration for the characters in this book who is also a paid subscriber of this substack. So, if your listening… thank you for allowing me to include your powerful narrative within this story. It wouldn't be what it is without what you added to it. So I'm forever grateful.

That alone itself was a challenge, but what was even more challenging was that I had to learn a new language in order to write him. I had to sit down and study the linguistics of GenZese. Later, there’s an entire chapter that’s written from his POV. In order to write that properly, the narrative itself has to lean into his manner of speech, and it’s two of three chapters that I honestly feel, if I would ever call anything that I’ve ever done a masterpiece, that would be it. Those chapters are literally terrifying and also hilarious, and they are even more terrifying because they're so hilarious.

Thankfully, they have online translators where you can type something in standard English and it will provide it to you written in this form of slang. Of course, I couldn’t just trust that, so I also had to go and do my own cross-referencing of the translation that I got, because for some of the things, I didn’t know what they meant and had to make sure that they meant what they were supposed to mean so that he was still having a coherent, understandable, translatable conversation.

What I do find interesting is that what he’s saying does not make any sense, and I don’t know if the other people understand him or not. And my favorite part about him is when he calls Jethran by the incorrect name of Jenrathan. For some reason I find it so delicious. It goes to speak on his self-absorbed and unconcerned with anyone other than himself.

The Comfort of the Gray

In psychology, it’s called anhedonia. It’s the inability to feel joy or pleasure or decreased interest in things one used to enjoy. It's the act of choosing to stay in bed instead of getting up and facing the day, because to face it means you have to face so many other things, even if it is at the cost of doing something you enjoy. It’s the moment when the captive is so accustomed to the cage that even with the door open they refuse to fly out.

The people of Evenhere are known as the Here. Because they don’t do anything, they don’t fight back, they don’t speak up, they’re just Here. It’s one of those situations where people have been in a situation for so long and faced systemic abuse for such an extended period of time, they just become accustomed to it in a way that stops them from speaking back because it’s just comfortable. It’s that worn-out speech that you hear when we discuss the Electoral College and other institutions that have been put in place in this country that are outdated and tired and need to be fought back. It’s that whole tired refrain of “this is just how it’s always been, so why would we change it?”

The Chilling Power of the Absurd

It can be distracting, I've heard, to read the way that some of these characters speak, but that is exactly the point. The voices of these antagonists are so unique and jarring compared to the rest of the Kingdom of Evenhere that they put the disconnect between the leadership and the people on full display.

While these people seem absurd and inept, they remain in power. And that’s what’s chilling about them. They are idiots. They should not be in a position to legislate a single life. Yet they are there because society has been silent and complacent for so long that the status quo has become a cage. These leaders rely on the fact that no one has questioned them for so long that the people have forgotten that they can.

The Uncrowned King is of course a dark mirror of Jethran. We get a deeper exploration into who he is later in the book, but for now, he’s just a narcissist who controls the world through a total disconnect from reality. So I gave him his orange hair as a deliberate act of hypocrisy. He is the head of an order that criminalizes color, yet he wears it on his own head. He’s declared himself the only standard of vibrancy because people are too afraid to see the truth of the man behind the curtain.

It was something that I was kind of pulling from the ending of The Wizard of Oz when after she kills the witch and their soldiers that are there who were just a moment ago were like chasing Dorothy and all of these people you know the all these animals is whatever around the castle with those spears made out of tin foil and like they were doing all of that like they were all gung ho for it. But then the moment that she gets killed feel like, “Oh she's dead. Thank you, thank you so much! We're free now!”

What were you doing you didn't want to be there it just always got to me about that and that's kind of how this story is that everybody is completely supportive of all this and is staying with it just because that's all they know and then once they're shown something different they'll accept something different. But it literally just takes one person standing up.

I bring back the Medic from Chapter 1 for this because, in the grand scheme of things, he’s actually the only one who is moderately intelligent, although he is still just as clueless. But he is truly for me personally the scariest antagonist in the world.

One thing to note about the Medic is that he refers to Jethran by a serial number which holds its own meaning. JF-3529 uses Jethran’s initials, but the numbers are actually the word FLAW if you look at the letters on a touch-tone phone. And of course, he’s completely dehumanized by this code.

I have also had some warnings about these characters that they might be too absurd or satirical. But the problem with that complaint is that’s the point. There are so many people who are in positions of power who don’t deserve it, who shouldn’t be, who are completely absurd and ridiculous and say some of the most outlandish things. Yet they are still in power. And that is the chilling part, that’s what’s scary. That’s what makes these people into some of the most terrifying villains, simply because they are utterly, unacceptably ridiculous, and they are able to make the laws and decide who lives and who dies.

Let's Discuss

* Jethran faced the dark mirror of the Gray Order and experienced in real time the other disconnect between himself as a citizen of the kingdom and those who are in charge of determining his life.

* How are you dealing with this disconnect between reality and our leaders? Are you okay?

* In life we have two types of people we have the ones who just keep their heads down and keep going through the gray with nothing to say and we have those who stand up and speak out and clap back.

* Which one are you?

Feel free to answer in the comments below or just take these questions with you as you go.

What's Next?

Up next we have Chapter 9 Loss of Color. This is going to be the most difficult chapter for my boy Jethran that he has lived through yet. It's going to be a turning point in the book it's going to be a turning point in his life and it's where everything is going to change. If you've been reading these chapters as I've been posting them then you're not going to want to miss this one.

Join the Conversation

Find Your Colors is a reader supported publication on Substack and a listener supported podcast on Spotify Apple Podcast YouTube Podcast and Overcast. You can find us on any of those places simply by searching for the words find your colors or by going to www.findyourcolors.substack.com where I invite you to consider becoming a free or paid subscriber so you can stay in the know when there's updates and new chapters coming out.

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Thanks

The substack is about to hit 30 subscribers and I just think that's so flipping cool. I was not sure what type of response I would get by sharing these things that I've shared through this publication and the fact that I have not been on sub stack for 30 days yet and I'm already at 30 subscribers is just so meaningful and validating. I did not know that I wanted validation but I guess we all do don't we? So thank you for supporting me and for subscribing and thank you to my paid members the paid content is on the way we are just around the corner.

And as always if you have read this all the way to the end or if you have listened to this all the way through then you're absolutely my hero so I want to thank you for allowing me to have the time out of your day and space in your brain to share my story and to introduce Jethran to the world.

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