This episode is the aftermath. The grind. The goodbye.

You'll hear the voice memos from before I flew to Utah for my last week at Leland, after I'd been binge eating two pints of ice cream and a bag of 7-Eleven donuts every night for two weeks straight. You'll hear me admit I completely fell apart. Lost my routine. Lost my training. Lost my identity a little bit.

Then you'll hear what happened when I showed up to the office and slept there. Worked 8 AM to 2 AM. Did it again. And again. And walked out with the CEO calling me "a true shark."

It's about what happens after you make the big decision. The part nobody talks about. The relapse. The grind. The random college conversations about philosophy and pragmatism that hit different when you're about to leave it all behind. The tiny habits that pull you back from rock bottom.

It's messy. It's exhausted. It's weirdly beautiful.

Summary

• I relapsed hard into binge eating after deciding to leave. Two pints of ice cream and donuts from 7-Eleven. Every. Single. Night.
• Leaving Leland felt like a breakup. Lost a huge part of my identity and didn't know how to process it.
• I almost bailed on the marathon I got my sister to sign up for. Then I listened to my own podcast from a year ago and snapped out of it.
• Tiny habits. That's the whole framework. Give yourself permission to just run around the block instead of doing 10 miles.
• Slept at the office on my last week. My boss literally pulled out sleeping bags at 2 AM. I thought he was joking. He was not.
• We were pulling 15-16 hour days. 8 AM to 2 AM. I thought I knew what work meant. I did not.
• "I've seen a lot of people ramp down and off board. But I've never seen someone sleep at the office on their last week." — my CEO
• Had a wild conversation with classmates about stoicism vs. romanticism. I'm firmly on the pragmatic side. They're about to find out why.
• The HR guy told me straight up: "No one else is gonna look after you more than you." Facts.
• If I could go back, I'd have been more transparent earlier so it didn't feel like a slap in the face. But the way I handled the exit? Best case scenario.
• Done with finals. Done with Leland. Moving to SF tomorrow. Starting a new job Monday. Haven't had time to process any of it.
• There's a non-zero chance I come back. But right now? SF is the move.