Ableism is not just a word; it's an everyday reality.

It's the pervasive discrimination, prejudice, and bias against us disabled individuals. It's the belief - often unspoken - that being non-disabled is better, more normal, or more valuable. Ableism shows up in attitudes, actions, systems, and environments that exclude, dismiss, or devalue our disabled lives.

We’ve been told in a thousand ways that our existence is inconvenient, unworthy, or too much, and it’s easy to turn those messages inward, especially when we've been brought up with them.

Internalized ableism can show up as:

Shame

Self-silencing

Avoiding/denying support because we feel like a burden

Low self esteem

Imposter syndrome

Hypervigilence

Depression and anxiety

Internalized Ableism

It takes time to unlearn internalized ableism, for sure. I’m still trying. A couple of things that help ground me when I am lying awake at night cringing over replays of stuff from the day in my head or feeling shame over responding incorrectly or hearing something wrong are these: my beads and my fingers. 

Simple Tools for Grounding

I carry beads with me and choose a simple phrase to repeat. It might be "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay," or "It's all right, it's all right." The key is simplicity and repetition. When beads aren't available, I use my fingers, pressing into each joint and repeating the mantra.

Breathing for Calm

Another powerful grounding technique I use is breath/finger tracing. I breathe in, pause, and then breathe out, while tracing up and down my fingers and repeat through each finger.

These grounding tools are not cures, but they are small steps towards calm and emotional regulation. I find that when I can be grounded and calm, it's easier for me to resist the cycle of devaluation, easier for me to objectively see the ableism and reach instead towards loving and valuing myself. Exactly as I am.

https://youtube.com/shorts/NfFcotXtX30?si=pUbz5YXNROF1DjXX