“Call me” is Southern Lady Code for: “Anything we text or email can be used against us in a court of law. Or get us socially ostracized. So let’s talk on the phone.”

Helen stresses the importance of phone calls over texting when desiring to share secrets or gossip, and finds panty drawers enjoyable.

Follow Helen Ellis on Twitter @WhatIDoAllDay and on Instagram @AmericanHousewife.