My Friday morning yoga instructor announced today she was leaving and I became ridiculously sad and emotional even though I don’t know her all that well. I attend most of her sessions and have done for a couple years; we chat often, mostly ritual how-are-you’s but occasionally more personal. I don’t know much about her outside of the studio. I know she has a UK accent, pronounces something and anything as if they ended with the letter k, and is always smiling and welcoming. I know she struggles with being so far from family.

As I lay on my mat, with tears trickling into my ears, I began to probe why this should be so upsetting.

I imagined her going away into the wild blue, untethered from this local life where we intersect. It seems my sadness was on her behalf, on what she will miss while she’s gone but it was also my lost opportunity to learn more about who she is and what matters to her, what she’s done and where she’s been.

Recognizing the shallowness of my knowledge I also was shocked to discover how little I likely know about those near and dear to my heart. Despite knowing them for years, many of them from when I gave birth to them, I can’t possibly know or predict how they will respond or react on every single occasion, nor can I know how they think or feel about absolutely every issue. To be honest, I probably never did.

It’s like driving past your friend’s house and seeing a political support sign on their lawn which shocks you. OMG I had no idea they are [fill in the blank]. We assume, because we are friends, that they believe what we believe, think what we think, become incensed about the same things, share the same dreams and aspirations, like the same music.

We are so driven by our own cognitive biases, and generally don’t even know it. How many different aspects of cognitive bias spring to mind? I generally think of social projection and fundamental attribution error but check out this great list!

Have you had the experience of trying to get into someone else’s head, to figure out what they’re thinking or feeling about a particular moment in time or challenge of some kind? We observe people reacting certain ways, or interacting in ways we find intriguing and we immediately leap to conclusions about what’s driving it. To make it worse we then act upon our own assumptions and respond or intervene in ways that come as a shock to everyone.

As to Tina? At the end of class she clarified that she would be back in the spring and now I feel much better.

There is no other choice of musical presentation today. It simply has to be the late, great Gordon Lightfoot.

Until next time, stay well. Please like, share or comment. Would love to hear from you.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit joannapiros.substack.com/subscribe