Welcome back, friends.

In my coaching work and live Q&A sessions, I’m often asked a question that weighs heavily on many hearts:

“Can I begin to heal even if I’m still in the abusive relationship?”

It’s a brave question. And if you’re asking it, I want you to know—it means that some deep part of you already knows something isn’t right. That inner voice is powerful. Let’s listen to it.

Now here’s the hard truth:No, you cannot fully heal while you’re still in an environment that is actively harming you.

I know how painful it is to hear that. But I also know how freeing it can be. Because clarity is the first step toward reclaiming your life.

Why Healing Inside Abuse Doesn’t Work

Think of healing like recovering from a deep wound. If someone kept reopening it every single day, could it ever really scab over? Emotional and psychological wounds work the same way.

Here are three core reasons healing isn’t possible while the abuse continues:

* You’re in constant survival mode.Your nervous system is stuck in fight or flight. You’re walking on eggshells, managing someone else’s emotions instead of your own. There’s no room for rest, repair, or reflection.

* You’re being re-traumatized.Even if you journal, go to therapy, or try self-help tools—those efforts are constantly undermined by the daily harm. It’s like trying to build a house during a tornado.

* You can’t find your true self.Healing is about reconnecting with who you are. But if you’re constantly being told who you’re allowed to be, feel, or believe, that self gets buried.

What You Can Do If You’re Still In It

Even if you can’t fully heal yet, you are not powerless. You can start planting seeds that will grow once you’re in safer soil.

Here are a few practical, powerful steps:

* Anchor in the truth.Start documenting your experiences. Use a private journal or an app like MyPlan. This helps protect your reality from gaslighting and self-doubt.

* Feed your mind.Watch videos, read books, listen to podcasts. One I always recommend is Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Repetition of truth helps counteract the lies you've been told.

* Strengthen your support system.Reach out—to hotlines, therapists, online forums, or survivor groups.

* Start an exit plan.Ask yourself: Where would I go? What documents do I need? Can I start saving a little bit at a time? There’s no shame in planning quietly and safely.

Let me share a story…

“Samantha” was in an abusive relationship with two kids and no job. Every day, she was blamed, belittled, and broken down. One night, she found my videos. She began journaling, saving change, and writing herself notes after fights.

One year later, she had a plan. She found a shelter, built support, and made her move. She told me:

“I didn’t heal inside the abuse, but I began remembering who I was. And that gave me the power to leave.”

That’s what I want for you. 💛

You Deserve More

If you’re not ready to leave yet, that’s okay. Fear doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. But don’t forget:You were not made to live your one precious life inside a war zone.

You deserve peace. You deserve safety. You deserve love that doesn’t hurt.

And while you prepare for the next chapter, I’m here with you. Every step of the way.

👉 If you’re quietly preparing to leave and need more support:🔗 Book a free 30-minute coaching call: https://www.susiemillerwendel.com/contact📱 Download the MyPlan App to document and create a safe exit strategy

You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not stuck.You’re beginning.

With care and solidarity,Susie

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