The precinct is in chaos. Detective Santiago the precinct's top detective, legendary for solving three cold cases before his morning coffee, has vanished without a trace. The Captain calls in the only dimwitted duo reckless enough for the job: Detectives Jared “Ballistic” and Jonathan “Sourdough” Manno.

The Captain delivers the bad news: Santiago has been spotted in the Junk wearing a velvet robe and chanting under the stars with the secretive Cthulhu sex cult known only as The Knight Stars in area. Word is he’s been completely brainwashed, body present, mind somewhere in the tentacles of madness.

Knowing they’re out of their depth in eldritch erotica and ancient sea gods, the Captain orders the Gumshoes to do what they do best: movies. Specifically, every piece of pop culture featuring Cthulhu, cults, or detectives who smoked too much and saw things man wasn’t meant to see.

Their first assignment? HBO’s forgotten gem “Cast a Deadly Spell” (1991). Private detective Harry Philip Lovecraft, (Fred Ward). The strange but affluent Amos Hacksaw (David Warner) trusts Lovecraft because of his distaste for magic, and he recruits the private eye to track down an ancient text. Harry's seemingly straightforward task becomes complicated when he realizes that the object of his mission contains curses that Hacksaw hopes to use for world domination.— it’s practically a training video for this case.