Grizzled NightWatch detective Pete Paduccio retired from NYPD in July, at which point I bothered him about doing New York City Crime Report with Pat Dixon until he actually fking did it, I was shocked.

He adds his own stories of bizarre murders - decapitated pets (yes, plural), a recently-deceased husband wrapped up to be mailed out of state and more - to stories of an ex-con who slit his own throat to get out of a traffic ticket; an unhinged and violent predator arrested after punching Moranis and others; debunking the deeply unpopular "seasonal flu" restrictions; black mayonnaise, and prob'ly some other shit.

Pat Dixon is a real standup comedian and fake journalist, truthfully covering real crime news in America's largest city - world's loneliest town.