Episode 34: Intimacy Wasn’t the Real Problem

When I first talked about my intimacy issues with Josh in Episode 23, we had recently started couples therapy—and I believed the problem belonged equally to both of us.

Three months later, I can admit something uncomfortable:

Most of it was me.

Not because I didn’t love or want my husband, but because years of taking responsibility for everyone and everything had disconnected me from myself. My family, my business, my clients, my mother’s health, my dog Maya, my marriage—even intimacy had quietly become another responsibility on an already overflowing plate.

In this episode, I share what couples therapy helped me recognize, including:

Why taking time for myself initially felt so uncomfortable

How weekly “me days” taught me that every moment didn’t have to belong to someone else

The surprising memory that surfaced when I began reconnecting with my body

How I had unknowingly surrendered my sexual autonomy after committing to Josh

Why rehoming Maya brought both tremendous grief and an unexpected sense of freedom

How carrying too much responsibility left me without the emotional capacity for closeness

Why our intimacy problems were a symptom—not the actual problem

I hadn’t stopped loving Josh. I had stopped experiencing my life as something I was allowed to enjoy.

Now, instead of defining love through responsibility, I’m learning to choose closeness. I’m reconnecting with my husband, my family, my body, and—most importantly—myself.

Content note: This episode includes an open conversation about marital intimacy, self-pleasure, sexual autonomy, couples therapy, and the grief of rehoming a beloved pet.

Mentioned in this episode

Episode 24: When I Lost Myself, I Lost My Marriage… Or So I Thought

Visit b-unhinged.com to learn more about Cat Unmuted and Beautifully Unhinged.

Have a relationship story or a “what the fuck?” moment you want Cat and Josh to tear apart on Unhinged Together? Visit the website, select Shows, and submit your story. You may get roasted—but it’s all in fun. 😂

In Part 2 of my conversation with Kevin Scott Day, we move beyond what he does today and into the experiences that helped shape the way he sees himself, other people, and life itself.

Kevin began drinking around age 12, eventually becoming physically dependent on alcohol. Losing his job became one of the lowest points of his life, but also the moment when he was finally able to accept help and begin taking responsibility for what came next.

That journey eventually led him into a 12-step program, spirituality, service, law enforcement, and a career as a deputy probation officer.

But recovery wasn't the end of his identity struggles.

Years later, Kevin gave up his badge to move to Canada and marry his wife. What looked like a beautiful new chapter also brought an unexpected kind of grief: the loss of an identity that had given him purpose.

That opened up a much bigger conversation between us:

Who are we when the roles and labels we've built our lives around disappear?

We talk about the identities we give ourselves, the meaning we attach to words, and whether labels can help us grow or quietly keep us connected to an older version of ourselves.

We also get into something I think we often overlook when we're trying to change our lives: the little things.

The cat pooping outside the litter box.

The way someone loads the dishwasher.

Turning off the faucet while you brush your teeth.

Tiny moments may not seem important, but they give us opportunities to practice awareness, intentionality, emotional regulation, and changing our automatic responses before we're standing face-to-face with the enormous things.

As Kevin puts it, the little things can be our time in the batting cage before life puts us at the plate.

We also explore:

• Recovery as more than simply not drinking• The loss of purpose and identity after leaving a career• How perspective influences the way we experience life• Why suffering can become part of our identity• Taking responsibility without believing we're responsible for everything• Practicing change through small, everyday choices• The power our internal language has over us• Whether "recovering alcoholic" can be both a label and a source of freedom• Living according to our values instead of needing every question answered

And somewhere in all of it, we arrive at one of my favorite ideas from this conversation:

Maybe everything can matter without everything having to be so serious.

Kevin doesn't promise people answers. In fact, part of his philosophy is learning to sit with the questions, the contradictions, and the mysteries.

Sometimes the goal isn't finding the answer.

It's becoming aware enough to discover your own.

Connect with Kevin

Kevin primarily works through referrals and word of mouth, but he welcomes questions and conversations.

Email: [email protected]

This is Part 2 of my conversation with Kevin Scott Day. If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, start with Episode 32 and then come back here for the rest of our conversation.

Episode 32 of Cat Unmuted is here, and this conversation got so big that one episode couldn’t hold it. 😂

This is Part 1 of my conversation with spiritual life coach Kevin Day.

We talk about forgiveness, responsibility, childhood beliefs, addiction and recovery, trauma, the stories we attach to what happened to us, and one question I think is worth asking ourselves:

Does the belief that once protected me still serve the person I am today?

We also get into something I feel very strongly about: healing doesn’t necessarily require deciding who gets the blame.

Sometimes the more useful question is:

What do I do with what happened now?

And just as we’re beginning to dig into Kevin’s personal story...

Part 1 ends. 😏

There is another full hour of this conversation coming in Part 2.

🎙️ Listen to Episode 32: The Stories We Carry — Part 1

Sometimes the life we planned isn’t the life we end up living.

In this episode of Cat Unmuted, I look back at some of the biggest turns in my life, from being forced to leave Japan 20 years ago, joining the military out of desperation, leaving the military, becoming a massage therapist, experiencing pregnancy loss, closing my business, becoming a writer, putting our house on the market, and now finding myself stepping into speaking and communication work I never planned to create.

Very little of it happened the way I imagined.

And yet, one unexpected decision kept leading to another.

Right now, our house has been on the market for almost five months. We were supposed to already be in Japan. Instead, because I finally stopped sitting around waiting for the move to happen, I started saying yes to what was happening here.

That led to my first speaking engagement at a Maternal Mental Health Summit, new relationships with organizations, conversations about training professionals to communicate with families experiencing loss, and the beginnings of something I’m still watching take shape.

I don’t know exactly what this becomes yet.

And maybe that’s the point.

Not everything is going to happen the way we planned it. Sometimes the thing we’re desperately trying to control has to loosen its grip before we can see what else is trying to happen.

This episode is about the detours, the decisions, the things we never asked for, and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to follow where they lead.For more on my books and the speech: B-Unhinged.com

After my Make It Sayable speech at the Maternal Mental Health Summit, one woman asked me a question I hadn’t considered:

“Were you able to finally put words to what you felt and went through?”

My answer was no.

Two years after my miscarriage, I still can’t fully describe what that experience felt like. But that conversation made me realize something else: maybe the people who love us don’t need to completely understand our pain in order to support us.

In this episode, I talk about the difference between understanding someone’s experience and understanding what they need from you. I also share how Josh and I communicated about support, why trying to “fix” someone can sometimes make things harder, and why simply asking “What do you need from me?” can be more powerful than searching for the perfect thing to say.

Sometimes there are no words for the pain.

But there can still be words for the support we need.

Ep. 29 | Make It Sayable: My Kassy’s Kause Maternal Mental Health Summit TalkA special Sunday episode of Cat Unmuted.

This week, I’m sharing the talk I gave at the Kassy’s Kause Maternal Mental Health Summit: Make It Sayable.

Two years ago, after experiencing a missed miscarriage and the depression that followed, I found myself trying to put words to something I had never felt before. That experience eventually led me to look deeper into postpartum depression, communication, grief, identity, and what happens when the people we love are going through something we simply cannot fix.

In this talk, I share my own story and explore why telling someone to “speak up” is only half the conversation.

We also have to become people they feel safe speaking to.

I talk about:

the emotional overlap I recognized between my experience after pregnancy loss and women’s lived experiences with postpartum depression

the grief of losing pieces of your identity after becoming a mother

why spouses and partners can become lost and overwhelmed too

the H.E.A.R. approach: Hear, Explore, Acknowledge, Respond

why consistency matters when building emotional safety

and what I call Generational Permission, giving future generations a different relationship with difficult emotions and conversations

Because sometimes the thing someone needs most isn’t an answer.

Sometimes they just need to know the hard thing is allowed to be said.

Make it sayable.

And for your social post today

Surprise Sunday episode. 🎙️

I’ve been quiet the last couple of Tuesdays, but today felt like the right day to share something a little different.

Episode 29 of Cat Unmuted is the full talk I gave at the Kassy’s Kause Maternal Mental Health Summit:

MAKE IT SAYABLE.

We talk postpartum depression, pregnancy loss, identity, partners, communication, why “speak up” is only half the conversation, and what we can do when someone finally tells us the hard thing.

This one is personal.

And yes... there was a microphone incident. 😂

🎧 Episode 29: Make It Sayable

There are moments in life when love doesn't ask us to hold on tighter.

It asks us to let go.

In this deeply personal episode, I share the heartbreaking journey of rehoming my dog, Maya, as Josh and I prepare for our move overseas. This wasn't a decision made overnight. It was months of tears, conversations, self-doubt, and asking one difficult question over and over:

What is truly best for her?

I walk you through everything...

Why our move to Japan changed everything.

The complicated reality of bringing a dog overseas.

The emotional weight of choosing between what I wanted and what Maya deserved.

The unexpected cruelty of strangers on social media.

How one flyer, one neighbor, and one phone call changed everything.

Meeting the family that would become Maya's new home.

Watching Maya find happiness faster than I ever imagined possible.

Learning that grief and gratitude can exist together.

This episode isn't really about a dog.

It's about every decision we've ever had to make that shattered our own heart so someone else could have a better future.

Sometimes strength doesn't look brave.

Sometimes strength looks like crying your eyes out while still doing the right thing.

If you've ever had to let go of someone or something you loved...If you've ever questioned whether you were making the right decision...If you've ever carried guilt simply because love hurts...

This conversation is for you.

Sometimes the greatest expression of love isn't holding on.

It's having the courage to let go.

Question for Reflection

Have you ever had to let go of something you deeply loved because it was the right thing to do?

I'd love to hear your story in the comments.

Episode 27: When Letting Go Is Self-Respect

Not every relationship is meant to last forever.

Some people enter our lives to teach us something, to help us grow, or to walk beside us for a season. Others stay much longer than they should because we're holding onto hope instead of reality.

In this episode of Cat Unmuted, I share three deeply personal stories about relationships I eventually had to let go of:

A stepmother I spent years hoping would become the mother I needed.

A marriage that slowly isolated me from the people I loved.

Friendships that ended in betrayal, disappointment, and the difficult realization that protecting my peace had to come first.

This conversation isn't about resentment or revenge.

It's about self-respect.

It's about recognizing when you've done everything you can, accepting that not every relationship can be saved, and giving yourself permission to stop carrying what no longer belongs in your future.

Sometimes letting go isn't giving up on someone else.

Sometimes it's finally choosing yourself.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Have you ever had to let go of a relationship that no longer served you? What did that experience teach you?

As always...

Through Courage Comes Bliss.

Waiting can feel like failure.

When you've packed your house, made the plans, and emotionally said goodbye to a chapter of your life, every extra day can feel like you're standing still.

This week, I share what it's been like to prepare for our move to Okinawa... only to still be here more than 90 days later.

At first, I saw the delay as an obstacle.

But slowly I realized something unexpected.

Life wasn't putting me on pause.

It was making room.

During this "waiting season," I found clarity about Maya's future, rediscovered my books, met incredible new people, reconnected with my relationship, accepted an opportunity to speak about miscarriage and postpartum mental health, and found myself letting go of something I've always struggled with:

Control.

Sometimes the timeline we create isn't wrong.

It's simply incomplete.

In this episode

Why waiting has been harder than I expected

The emotional reality of preparing to move overseas

Why I made the heartbreaking decision about Maya

How delaying our move unexpectedly reopened doors

Learning to stop fighting timelines I can't control

Why patience isn't passive... it's active trust

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is this:

Just because nothing looks like it's happening doesn't mean nothing is happening.

Sometimes the biggest transformations happen while life appears completely still.

Mentioned in this episode

Kassy's KauseAn organization dedicated to raising awareness about postpartum depression and supporting families.

I'll be speaking at their event on August 21 in Albuquerque.

More information:https://kassyskause.org

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear:

What delay in your life ended up becoming a gift?

Through Courage Comes Bliss.

Episode 25: Purpose, Loss, Adventure, and Living Your Best Life with Jane Bradley

In this episode of Cat Unmuted, I sit down with my mentor, Jane Bradley, one month before her 88th birthday.

Jane has lived many lives: ranch girl, mother, artist, writer, businesswoman, mentor, traveler, and adventurer. She shares stories of love, devastating loss, reinvention, courage, and the deep question that shaped her book, Your North Star.

We talk about grief, identity shifts, childhood wounds, purpose, joy, bliss, and what it means to live your best life no matter what life hands you.

Jane’s definition of bliss stayed with me:

Bliss is sustainable joy.

This conversation felt like sitting beside a campfire with someone who has walked through storms, dust bowls, heartbreak, and wonder, and still chooses purpose.

In this episode, we talk about:

Jane’s life as a creative spirit

Growing up in New Mexico ranch country

The grief of losing the love of her life

Reinventing yourself after loss

Why purpose changes as we change

The difference between happiness, joy, and bliss

Women, courage, adventure, and breaking old rules

Jane’s book, Your North Star

The question: “Who do you want to be?”

Connect with Jane

Website: janebradleysays.comBook: Your North Star by Jane Bradley, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble online

Jane also generously shared her personal email address and phone number during this episode for anyone interested in connecting with her. You can hear those details near the end of the conversation, or visit her website to learn more.

Thank you for being here with us.

With courage comes bliss.Editor's Note

During our conversation, I mention that I may have covered the fear of sharing my story and being accused of lying in a previous episode. After looking through my episodes, I realized I haven't dedicated one to that topic after all.

That conversation deserves its own space, and it's now on my list for a future episode of Cat Unmuted. We'll explore what it's like to tell your truth, the fear of not being believed, and what it takes to share your story anyway.