Caregiving

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We have been caring for my sister-in-law for the last seven months since her multiple surgeries in January & February left her unable to live alone and care for herself.  During these months, Bruce and I have learned and experienced a lot more about caregiving.  We had taken care of my mother in her 80s & 90s during short visits so we had some prior knowledge and supplies for this area.  However, given that Jan now lives with us, I’ve had more time to evaluate the changes, challenges and insights about what is involved in being a caregiver.  There is still more to learn, but here are some of the lessons and insights we have gained.

Caregiving is love in action.

There are reasons a person might become a caregiver in their home.  The obvious is that someone in your household becomes ill and needs help to recover.  In our case, Jan was not a member of our household, but as Bruce’s beloved eldest sister, a member of our extended family.  It is important that we take care of family when we are able to.  The Bible speaks of taking care of widows and orphans.  So we take care of those we love and those in our family in need.

Many of us have or will take care of an elderly parent or relative.  It is the cycle of care; our parents raised us with love & sacrifices to give us the best start possible in life, we should return the gift as they decline in years.  Being part of a family means you are connected by blood and lifelong shared experiences.  Your family members know you more closely than others, they know your flaws and failures; they’ve seen and helped you grow and mature.  Family is part of God’s design of support and love for mankind.  And from our families, we learn how to receive and give care.

A mother with her baby is the prime example of a caregiver; she demonstrates love in action every day.  A mother sacrifices her body and own desires from the minute she knows she is carrying a new life within.  It’s a privilege and high calling to bring forth a baby.  You realize you’re the recipient of a miracle when you think about how life forms in the womb.  Knowledge gained in school and current views in society have caused us to think of conception as just biology or as an inconvenience to our independent life.  We’ve lost the awe and wonderment of pregnancy and just how special it is.  Motherhood is not as highly honored as in earlier generations and partly, because women have been told it’s not enough.  If you want to achieve a high level of success, you need to be successful, independently of any man or child.  Just being a wife and mother is seen as accepting yesteryear’s standard, today’s woman can do anything she wants and all by herself.  She doesn’t need anyone or anything to define her.  While this perspective may have some limited truth, it devalues the high calling of being a wife and mother and her role as a life and caregiver.  This is what wives and mothers do.  They care for their families.  They make tremendous sacrifices of their careers, bodies, free time, dreams and even opinions.  How many times have your mothers given you the last or best piece of dessert or food instead of taking it themselves?  How often have your mothers stayed up late making you something you needed or taken you shopping for something special?  What special foods or practices did she have for you when you were sick?  Thrown birthday parties, planned family vacations, helped with homework, driven you to and from practices, cheered you on in your games, helped you find whatever you lost?  The list could go on and on.  Mothers give and give of themselves for their families because of the great love in their hearts for them.

We care for others because of our love for them.  We also care for people because we are called to the task.  Caregiving is a calling given by God.  He can place compassion, kindness or a sense of duty in our hearts.  He can place someone right in our path and move our lives towards caring for

Christian patience includes not only patience with the day to day things that test our patience but also our whole lives as we faithfully wait upon the second coming of Jesus Christ. We can be assured that his return is sure because his Word is sure and many of its promises have already come true. Let us take heart because that we will have a great eternal reward.

Airline pilots use radar to manage their flight path according to the weather and air traffic.  In a similar way, we use a spiritual radar to help guide our walks with Jesus.  As we look at James 4:13-5:6, let’s see what’s on our screens as we “check our radar.”

Hello CCIC! I’m Ethan. 

 

Change. I’m sure we’re all too accustomed to this word. In the past year, it seems like everything we thought we knew has been flipped on its head. The universal reach of the pandemic, tumultuous political landscape, and increasingly severe natural disasters have dominated the way we live our lives. It’s impossible to turn on the news and not hear about at least one of these three things, and the way things used to be before feels like a distant memory, to me at least. But you don’t need me to tell you that. We’ve all had to adapt in our own ways to this crazy future. But here is my story.

 

I’m a high school junior, and with college right around the corner, I know I’m going to need to be ready for even more change, on top of all the crazy things that are going on now. In less than two years, I’m going to have to make the transition from being dependent on my parents to making decisions on my own - I need to become an independent young adult. And as exciting as college sounds, that scares me. I’ve learned to depend on them, or at least I feel like I do. I’m very used to having them there for help, and that makes the idea of living without them all the more uncomfortable. Whether I like it or not, there will come a time where I have to live without them. The very same freedom that gives college its appeal is also one of the very things that bothers me the most.

 

It’s a transition everyone has to make, but it hits particularly close to home for me. Personally, I like to over prepare for things, so I can feel ready. But when it comes to my future, well, it is one of the few areas where I feel like I don’t entirely know what I’m doing, and that makes the impending decisions I am going to have to make even scarier. 

 

This is where God comes in. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a plan for us, plans to prosper us and not to hurt us. I’m sure we’ve all heard this a million times, but it never fails to have the same effect on me. When I don’t know what to do, I can rest assured that God already knows my future, and everything that happens is all part of His plan. 

 

I’ve seen this happen before. 2017-2018 was a time of big change in my family, where both of my grandmothers got sick and passed away within the span of a year. It wasn’t sudden; we’d all seen it coming, but that didn’t make it any easier. Every day, we’d pray for their safety, fearful of what the next day held. Would they make it? I know I was stressed. But why?

 

Besides the obvious fear of losing a loved one, I was also scared of things changing. I wanted things to stay the same, wanted our family to be how it had always been. I didn’t want to be reminded of our mortality and that I would have to eventually experience the same thing happening to my parents.

 

In hindsight, though, I can see God’s hand throughout the entire journey, especially on my mom’s side. My maternal grandparents weren’t always the religious kind, and my mom told me that when she was young, they were extremely strict. But when my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia, well, everything changed. When we went to visit her in the hospital, it felt like there was another dimension added to her, as if she had realized she wanted to make the last few months of her life the most meaningful ones. And not too long after, my maternal grandmother accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. If it weren’t for being faced with the prospect of her own mortality, she very well may never have come to Christ.

 

What I had previously thought as a change for the worse was actually a shift for the better! I was so scared of things changing that I forgot to think about how God can use all situations for good. And as odd as it feels, I can be thankful for God’s hand in orchestrating this, because I know that I will be able to see her again in heaven. 

 

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fearlessly accept change, but I can trust that God will always be around to see me thro

Throughout his letter, James is concerned with addressing the issues that bring about divisions in the church. In 4:1-12, the concern is how believers were giving into worldliness. Like a skilled physician, James surveys the symptoms, diagnoses the source, gives a report of what the illness would do if untreated, and finally provides a remedy. As believers, in order to “live in the world, but not of the world,” it would benefit us much to heed to James’ pastoral advice.

It has come to my attention recently, while studying through the book of 1 Peter that I have a personal issue with pain and suffering. It is not a theological issue, but a practical one --- I don’t like pain and would do much in my power to avoid it.

 

For example, at home, I notice that sometimes, I would feel a sense of dreariness when I need to do house chores after a long day at work, especially if I need to do more than my usual share when my wife is not available. I realize that it is the perceived pain of hard labor that I fear. Or more truthfully, it is not just the pain in and of itself, but also the feeling that I am also being deprived of rightly deserve pleasure, for example sitting down comfortably and drinking a hot cup of tea, reading the news.

 

As another example, at work, I notice that the times when I often feel quite miserable, is when I am asked to do something that induces the feeling of pain. For example because the task interrupts what I was doing, or forces me to give up doing something I want to finish, or just that I have no idea how to do the task and would need to figure it out under time pressure.

 

Either consciously or unconsciously, I thought while growing up that a happy and successful life is one that is defined by the absence of pain. Thus any presence of pain and suffering would invoke in me the feeling of fear and anguish.

 

Apostle Peter, on the other hand, sees things very differently.

 

Firstly, Peter says that the presence of pain does not necessarily equate to feelings of fear, anguish or despair. The truth is that the believer has a choice of how to respond to it. In fact, Peter says when we face pain and choose to respond with faith --- we will experience something most remarkable: we experience a much deeper sense of peace, freedom, and joy. Peter says it is a “joy that is inexpressible and full of glory”. This deeper sense of joy may not be readily evident, especially when we are in the very midst of pain. Nevertheless, Peter says the believer can sense it because we know deep inside that it is truly who we are, having been born again through Christ. We have a choice of how we respond to pain, and when we respond with faith, we can experience this inexpressible sense of peace and joy because we are being true to our self. It is a sense of peace which is from God and in which no pleasure or reward in this world can ever give us.

 

Secondly, Peter tells us that pain and suffering is not to be feared by the Christian because it is not a sign of a wasted or unfortunate life. When we go through pain or suffering, one aspect of the experience that makes it particularly difficult to bear, is the feeling that somehow God has forsaken us or worse has turned against us. But Peter tells us that the truth is quite on the contrary: He has not forsaken you. For example, in the story of Job, a series of sudden and painful losses fell upon Job. And it was not at all because Job’s life was met with random misfortune or having been punished by God. The truth was that God allowed these to happen because he was proud of Job and boasted in him, saying “there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil”. It is the same for the Christian, Peter reminds us. In Christ, we have been born again, with a salvation and inheritance that is imperishable, and kept in heaven for us. Through Christ, God is for us in all circumstances, and so any suffering that we face can only be a part of our Father’s good and saving plan for the Christian. That is why Peter says, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, ...”  Peter says at the very least, we are not to be surprised at the suffering because through them we share in our Lord’s own experiences when he walked on earth, and so we gain a greater sense and p

What is wisdom? This is a question that many people in the world seek after and try to answer. But the wisdom from God is different from what the world might tell us about wisdom. This week, we take a look at James 3:13-18 to see the source, characteristics, and fruits of wisdom from above, contrasted against the wisdom of the world.

Many years ago, I saw a cement company’s slogan on the sides of their trucks:  “Find a Need and Fill it.”  They wanted to fill the voids in people’s concrete sidewalks and foundations.  You know, that is an excellent motto for us Christians to live by as well, not for filling voids in people’s concrete but to fill voids and repair cracks in their lives.  Everybody has always had needs, but the level of needs has been exacerbated because of this unprecedented pandemic with all of its fears and restrictions.  In 2019, how often did we talk about buying toilet paper?  Here is 2021, how much do we miss seeing each other, not just online, but face to face?  When’s the last time you hugged a friend, or patted someone on the back?  Perhaps the introverts among us are managing okay, but many of the extroverts are probably struggling.  There are definitely needs out there, but we are not aware of them.  Even at church, we created a form for those who have physical or spiritual needs and we will try to help meet them.  Yet very few people have really taken advantage of it. 

 

My fear is that people are suffering in silence.  They have lost income, or a loved one and have no one to walk alongside them.  Perhaps they are isolated, whether by themselves or being stuck in the same space with the same people.  Maybe they lack the technological savvy to connect with others.  How they long to have someone with a listening ear, a shoulder they could lean on, some wisdom to guide them, or some encouragement to know that they matter somehow, somewhere, and to someone.  We need to find a need and fill it.

 

From another perspective, maybe you feel that way, and you yearn for someone to reach out to you.  Since you are personally aware of the struggle of being alone, I encourage you to reach out to someone as well, and perhaps each of you can be filled as you meet each other’s needs.  You would know the questions to ask, the kind of hints that people make because you have to same feelings within yourself, so you can listen more astutely as you talk with others.

 

Whether you feel okay or you feed needy, I encourage you to meditate on 1 John 3:16-18:  

[16] By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. [17] But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? [18] Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

 

Four quick observations about filling needs in people’s lives:

Jesus exemplified what it means to give of ourselves for others (16) “he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” Jesus took the initiative; He came down to earth even though He was not invited. 

He gave, even though people misunderstood and misinterpreted His actions and motives.

He sacrificed even at the cost of His own life.

He gave and served as the needs arose.  We often read that while Jesus was on His way to heal somebody, He would heal others along the way.  He met the needs as they were presented to Him.

Helping is a heart issue (17) “But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”

“closes his heart” - it’s not that he was unaware of the need; he was aware and yet he closed his heart.  We are not to be unsympathetic and uncaring; rather, we are to be aware and open.

Just as Jesus’ heart was moved toward those He helped, we need to be moved toward those around us as well.

Helping others is not an issue of checking off boxes that we did this good deed.  Helping others is honoring the image of God in each person, recognizing the struggles that they are going through and doing something because they are valuable people.

We can do something to help others (17) “But if anyone has the world’s goods…”

Now we may complain about the high cost of living in San Jose.  And many

Although our tongue is one of the smaller parts of our bodies, it is actually the most powerful part of our body.  The words that come out of us can affect the world around us far more than the rest of our bodies could ever do.  Our tongues can help and heal, or they can tear down and destroy.  In today's message, we will learn three reasons why God calls us to tame our tongues so we can use them properly.

A common issue for Christians is the disconnect between faith and works. We might be so focused on the doctrine of justification by faith alone, but forget that the faith that saves never remains alone. James wants us to understand the inseparable relationship between faith and deeds that true faith always brings life changes and produces good works. He challenges us to examine our faith to see whether our faith is living or dead.