Season 1- episode 13

Beautiful Surrender: He Has My Yes

Part 3: The Results of Surrendering.

Chapter 12: An Unsuspecting Weed

"When I was 16, I was taught about surrendering and hearing God’s voice, which was incredible to me. There were certain things I was taught that I wouldn’t agree with now, but that is all part of the journey. Why I want to bring attention to this season of my life is because of what I have learned retrospectively from it. When I encountered Jesus and learned to hear from Him, so much of my time was dedicated to hearing from God and sharing the gospel with people through telling people my story of how I encountered God. Now I don’t have a problem with seeking God with everything you have. I hope that fire I have in my heart that was sparked in that season, and still hasn’t burned out to this day, never goes out. I love pursuing God with no motive or agenda other than to simply just be with Him. The challenge I have with that season of my life is that although I had a great passion to share Jesus with others through sharing my story, I realize now, a lot of my subconscious motives in that season was that people would walk away hearing my story of suffering and think “Wow Josiah is amazing”. I desired for people to look at my life and say, “Wow that kid’s inspiring.” The problem I have with this is, even though I had been transformed in not letting my health problems dictate my life, I still very much let it define me. You see even though it used to define me as being a failure, now I let it define me as being special, and I longed to be affirmed in that specialness from those who heard my story. Instead of letting God’s word itself affirm me, I used my story ‘in the name of sharing the gospel’ in pursuit of being affirmed of my significance. I searched for this significance all through my high school years and into my first couple years at university. Anyone and everyone who met me would hear me tell my story of suffering within our first three encounters together. I believe Paul when he declares that one can share the gospel with bad motives and God can still use it. I know God used my story in that season to encourage others, but again in hindsight the Holy Spirit has shown me that even though I thought I was freed from my health issues, I was still very much a slave to it. I became a slave to my story, as opposed to living free as a son."

Thanks for listening!