The Tenth Tuesday

第十个星期二

We Talk About Marriage

我们聊了聊婚姻

Marriage.

婚姻。

Almost everyone I knew had a problem with it.

几乎我所认识的每个人都在这件事上有麻烦。

Some had problems getting into it, some had problems getting out.

有些人对于进入婚姻有麻烦，而有些人则是走出婚姻有麻烦。

My generation seemed to struggle with the commitment, as if it were an alligator from some murky swamp.

我们这一代人似乎对许下承诺感到非常吃力，好像承诺是个来自什么昏暗沼泽的鳄鱼似的。

I had gotten used to attending weddings, congratulating the couple, and feeling only mild surprise when I saw the groom a few years later sitting in a

restaurant with a younger woman whom he introduced as a friend.

我已经习惯了先是参加婚礼并祝福情侣，并在几年以后仅仅只是感到些许意外当在餐厅里看到当年的新郎和一位更年轻的女郎坐在一起并将其介绍为他的朋友。

"You know, I'm separated from so-and-so ..." he would say.

“你懂的，我和那谁谁谁分开了…” 新郎通常都会这么说。

Why do we have such problems?

为什么我们会有这些问题？

I asked Morrie about this.

我问莫瑞。

Having waited seven years before I proposed to Janine, I wondered if people my age were being more careful than those who came before us, or simply more selfish?

我在向珍妮求婚之前足足等了七年之久，我想知道是不是像我这个年代的人只是比前几代人更加谨慎，还是说我们仅仅就是更自私？

"Well, I feel sorry for your generation," Morrie said.

“好吧，对你们这代人我深感遗憾，”莫瑞说。

"In this culture, it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that.

“在当前的文化中，寻找并和某个人建立起一段忠诚有爱的关系是如此重要，因为社会文化当中的太多部分并不能给予你这些东西。”

But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced.

但当今的可怜孩子们，要么是太过自私以致于无法参与进一段真正充满爱的关系，要么是着急着一头冲进婚姻然后过了6个月以后，他们就离婚了。

They don't know what they want in a partner.

他们并不清楚他们想从伴侣身上获得什么。

They don't know who they are themselves——so how can they know who they're marrying?"

他们也不了解他们自己——所以他们又怎么可能真的认识那个和他们结婚的人？

He sighed.

他叹了口气。

Morrie had counseled so many unhappy lovers in his years as a professor.

在当教授的岁月里他为很多相处不开心的情侣提供过咨询。

"It's sad, because a loved one is so important. You realize that, especially when you're in a time like I am, when you're not doing so well. Friends are great, but friends are not going to be here on a night when you're coughing and can't sleep and someone has to sit up all night with you, comfort you, try to be helpful."

“这的确令人难过，因为爱人是那么的重要。特别是在你处于像我这样的时期，当你过的不是很顺利的时候，你就能意识到这点。朋友固然也很棒，但是在那些你一边咳嗽一边无法入睡需要有人整夜醒着和你坐着的夜晚，朋友无法在你身边一直陪着你。”

Charlotte and Morrie, who met as students, had been married forty- four years.

夏洛特和莫瑞，相识于学生时代，已经结婚44年。

I watched them together now, when she would remind him of his medication, or come in and stroke his neck, or talk about one of their sons.

当下我也见证了他们在一起相濡以沫，在她提醒莫瑞吃药的时候，或者进来轻按他的脖颈，亦或和莫瑞聊着他们的某一个儿子的时候。

They worked as a team, often needing no more than a silent glance to understand what the other was thinking.

他们如同一个团队那样协作，通常都不需要多于一个静默的眼神就能明白对方在想什么。

Charlotte was a private person, different from Morrie, but I knew how much he respected her, because sometimes when we spoke, he would say, "Charlotte might be uncomfortable with me revealing that," and he would end the conversation.

夏洛特和莫瑞不同，是一个注重隐私的人，但是我知道莫瑞有多么尊重她，因为有时候他在说话时会说，“我揭露这个夏洛特可能会很不自在，”然后他就会结束话题。

It was the only time Morrie held anything back.

这是唯一莫瑞会有所隐藏的时候。

"I've learned this much about marriage," he said now.

“我学到了这些关于婚姻的事，”他现在开始说起话来。

"You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't."

“在婚姻中你会被考验。你会明白你是什么样的人，另一半是什么样的人，以及你如何去适应或者无法适应。”

Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?

有没有什么规则能够知道婚姻是否能够成功呢？

Morrie smiled.

莫瑞笑了。

"Things are not that simple, Mitch."

“事情不是那么简单的，米契。”

I know.

我知道。

"Still," he said, "there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. "

“不过，”莫瑞继续说道，“还是有几条关于爱与婚姻的规则我知道肯定是对的：如果你不尊重另一半，你会遇到很多麻烦。如果你不懂得如何妥协，你会遇到很多问题。如果你们不能畅通无阻的沟通你们俩之间发生的进展，那么你们会遇到很多问题。如果你们没有生活上共同的价值观，那么你们也会遇到很多麻烦。你们的价值观必须是相似的。”

"And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?"’

“而且在所有价值观中最重要的一条，米契？”

Yes?

是什么？

"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."

“你们都有对你们婚姻重要性的信念。”

He sniffed, then closed his eyes for a moment.

他吸了吸鼻子，然后闭上眼睛了一小会儿。

"Personally," he sighed, his eyes still closed, "I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it."

“就我个人来说，”他叹了一口气，眼睛仍然闭着，“我认为婚姻是一件要去做的很重要的事，如果你不去尝试就会错过太多。”

He ended the subject by quoting the poem he believed in like a prayer: "Love each other or perish."

他引用一句他如同信徒般相信的诗句结束了这个话题：“要么相爱，要么灭亡。”

Okay, question, I say to Morrie.

好吧，我有问题要问，我对莫瑞说。

His bony fingers hold his glasses across his chest, which rises and falls with each labored breath.

他瘦骨嶙峋的手指拿着眼镜交叉放在胸前，随着每一次吃力的呼吸上下起伏着。

"What's the question?" He says.

“什么问题呀？”他说。

Remember the Book of Job?

你还记得约书亚记的故事吗？

"From the Bible?"

“圣经里那个？”

Right. Job is a good man, but God makes him suffer. To test his faith.

对的。约书亚是一个好人，但是上帝让他受苦。来考验他的信仰是否坚定。

"I remember. "

“我记得。”

Takes away everything he has, his house, his money, his family . . .

通过夺走他拥有的一切，他的房子，他的钱财，他的家人…

"His health."

“还有他的健康。”

Makes him sick.

让他生病。

"To test his faith."

“来考验他的信念。”

Right. To test his faith. So, I'm wondering . . .

是的。来考验他的信念。所以，我想知道…

"What are you wondering?"

“你想知道什么？”

What (do) you think about that?

你是怎么看待这个故事的？

Morrie coughs violently.

莫瑞剧烈的咳嗽着。

His hands quiver as he drops them by his side.

他的手在一侧垂下来的时候颤抖着。

"I think, " he says, smiling, " God overdid it. "

“我觉得，”他说到，微笑着，“上帝做的过分了。”

原著：Mitch Albom