Quick vaccine update. Johnson & Johnson's shot is on hold after a small number of people had blood clots. One thing's for sure: Johnson and Johnson is now anything but tear free.

Good news, sunbathers. Researchers at Harvard have developed a new vaccine for skin cancer. "This is absolutely terrible news!" said the CEO of Banana Boat.

In Pennsylvania, police have charged a man for burglarizing a woman's home and stealing her sex toys. He was sentenced to ten years of being his cellmate's sex toy. Apparently the police had an easy time bringing him in since he was already in handcuffs.

Here's something dumb. A Christian group claims Yoga can leave you injured, psychotic, and a Hindu. Which is absurd of course. Everyone knows the real risks of Yoga are your dogs all going downward, the constant street Ffghting, and just becoming a person who won't stop talking about yoga.

In New Zealand, a company is trying to add fun to final farewells by making custom caskets that look like anything from doughnuts to Star Trek to sail boats. Personally, I'd like to be buried in a casket painted with all of your incredibly supportive comments, like: "first", "not funny brah", and "are you the sprint guy?"

Finally, in Tennessee, a man accidentally shot himself while trying on pants in Walmart dressing room. That poor guy. He's buying pants from Walmart?